Living In Hell

We were thrilled to have a baby, it was the most wonderful thing, until later when we realized he had Aspergers, ocd and anxiety.  My life has been hell since he was about 4 or 5, with the meltdowns weird thought patterns and ocd.  He is 15 now and most days I wish I never woke up, I just can't stand dealing with him as all the love and trying to help him has proven fruitless.  I can't believe that my life has turned out like this and wonder why God has turned his back on me.  It is like living in a mental institution, my son is breaking me, and my only way out is to just die.  I can't live like this anymore, it is not a life worth living.
dsky8 dsky8
51-55
6 Responses May 6, 2012

I know you posted this some time ago, however I am in the very same situation as you albeit my son being a little older. I am sooooo very aware of the daily struggle and the torment and total damage this does to your psyche.

My thoughts are with you

Having a special needs child sounds so difficult. If you don't feel like you can handle it, maybe you can look into finding a special school or institution to place him in. They have people who are trained professionals who have experience in caring for children such as yours. It doesn't make you a bad parent by sending him somewhere with people who can help him and care for him. Think about it. Maybe you can find some research or help on the internet. It's worth a try. Don't give up on life. It sounds like you are trying very hard to be a good mom.

Dear dsky8,
I could never really control my OCD until I went on Anafranil and realized that I didn't have to do the things I compulsively obsessed over.

Dear dsky8,<br />
There are boarding school for kids on the specturm that may be useful if you feel you are not able to deal with him anymore.

Dear dsky8,<br />
I can understand how you feel. I have a daughter with Aspergers who is 5. She was diagnosed at 2 1/2 -- we did not know anything was wrong with her until school alerted us that she did not talk or interact. After she was diagnosed, we read books written by adults with Aspergers and lo and behold there was my brother and father. . .and maybe even my mother. I have been immersed in Autism spectrum disorder since day one. In some ways it makes it easier b/c I am accustomed to "odd people." But there are days when I just want to ESCAPE from people on the spectrum. It is very difficult! Have you contacted the Autism Society in your area? They have been very helpful to me and are give me hope and encouragement. Don't give up -- it will get better. What goes down, must come up!! I wish you the best and want you to know that YOU ARE making a difference in his life even though it make take some time to see the fruits of your labors.

To dsky8: I feel for you!<br />
<br />
My wife and I have three daughters. The emotional volcanoes that erupt between these three is mind bending at times. We've both wondered if dying wouldn't be better. It pains us to think of how our lives used to be so joyous.<br />
<br />
Of the three the oldest(15) and youngest(5) can be like acid in our veins. With the shift of a breeze they go into tirades and meltdowns and no amount of love, reasoning or as a last resort, hard nosed discipline will work. <br />
<br />
We are quiet, fun loving & easy going people and can't for the life of us figure out why these two are so crazed.<br />
<br />
We don't have what you have and I wish you well as that is really all I can do but that feeling you have is shared by others and it hurts deep! Godspeed!