Still Got Time....

im 21 years old i found out recently that im pregnant..... 6 weeks today..... im terrified to be honest..... my partner and i have been debating the idea but i know hes sold on keeping the baby, me? i have good days i feel positive and think yeah i could do it i guess today is just a bad day i feel really fat and bloated and couldnt work out properly either as i got tired so quickly and felt horrible =(
thing is ive never been a baby or kid person to me there just a screaming lump that stupidly needy and smell of puke. me and my other half have been together just over a year previous relationship was another awful one and when i finally managed to get out i found the nice guy!! had the most amazing year of my life last year 4 holidays loads of festivals and enjoying life to the maximum.
first things first im selfish, high maintainence and hate feeling trapt and love change never stay in the same place for too long if im unhappy i change it! you cant change having children or the damage its going to do to your body...
my god im rambling but i guess what im trying to say is ive still got time to keep the life i have now ive been reading others posts and comments for a good couple of hours or so and decided to join to talk to a few of you about the situation im in now, im scared i will be feeling like most of you ladies trapt, stuck with children, hating your bodys and miserable. i could see this being me wether this is just my bad day talking i dont know but its always in the back of my mind but then again would it all really be worth it? would i feel happy looking down at my child or just feel resentment towards it and my other half too? there will be no coming back from this if i go ahead, ive never had to maek such a hard decision. =(
jom91 jom91
8 Responses Jan 17, 2013

Please, do not put a child that isn't 100% wanted into this world!
It's the worst crime you could ever commit. Even a wanted child can grow up and become unhappy, there are no guarantees, but you seem to know you're not ready to giving up your own life and freedom to do what you want, whenever you want. Do not have a child as long as you feel that way. Not only for your own sake but for the child!
A child is a life long commitment.

Get an abortion. Stop thinking about it. Just go and do it ASAP! Spend the next few years deciding whether or not you really want to be a mom. Be selfish! You have only one life and you have every right to be as selfish with your life as you want to be. Make yourself your highest priority, not some bratty little kid who doesn't appreciate a single thing you are doing for it.

It is the HARDEST decision. The pain of an abortion is far less than the pain of having an unwanted child. If I could have done anything different, it would have been to listen to my gut instinct. Rationalizing away what you feel inside does not work, and ambivalence is the enemy. It's a very confusing time but you have to do your best to listen to yourself, although knowing yourself when your world feels tipped is easier said than done. Good luck at your appointment. Realize that whatever you see on the screen, it doesn't know or feel anything at this point. You need to listen to yourself, not anyone else.

Just realized you wrote this back in January... Well I really do hope everything is working out for you, whichever way you decided.

Give it up for adoption, abortion is not the answer...good luck!

I had an abortion when I was 20. I felt terrible. Stupid me didn't get serious with birth control and got pregnant again at 23. I decided to keep the baby this time. I hate my life now. I am trapped, I miss my old life, I see my friends enjoying life, my boyfriend walked away and I'm stuck in an endless legal battle to get child support. My son hates me. I hate myself. The pain of abortion goes away, having a kid lasts a lifetime. I love my son, but I regret not having an abortion. I suck at being a mom, his life is terrible, and is nothing but suffering for both of us. If you don't meet your kid, you wont miss him. You ask what if? but you wont miss him.

Your right being stuck with a child you don't want is far worse then having a first trimester abortion.Too bad you have to fight for child support.I'm so happy I choose abortion .I don't want kids at all.I find them depressing to be around. Kids are draining stressful to be around.I don't want to.have to worry about the
them all the time.I spend my time doing things that make me happy.I can't imagine being a mom full-time.I see why rich parents have nannies and ship their kids off to boarding schools as soon as possible.

I got married at 22 had my son by 23 and let me tell you even being married, raising a child is No easy task...I wish I took things slower...I was just like you, 21 selfish, independent, student, gym freak, I traveled, had a lot of friends.. i was a social butterfly,I was living the life. As soon as I got pregnant me and my husband were thrilled but pregnancy took a toll on me and my body... It's been a year since I had my son and my body is just now looking like how I looked pre pregnancy, but stretch marks will stay forever...I am miserable with the way I look and seeing all my friends getting promotions, traveling, meeting new people, and being just kills me. I feel like am an unattractive typical used up useless" mom" I have had issues with depression throughout my teen years but I feel like it came back...writing this is making my cry..I love my son but I wish I would have waited..I'm in school trying to finish my education, I'm at the gym everyday TRYING Ssooo hard so feel healthy and pretty, I don't sleep at all and i take care of another baby aka my husband...I guess I pictured my life being different I always pictured myself as a respected entrepreneur or traveling business woman, independent with my own finances. My biggest advice to you is to REALLY think about the reality of having a child and if you feel complete with yourself as far as your goals. Good luck sweetie and god bless I'm sure you'd make a wonderful mommy

You are only 21, very young. From what you said it sounds like you're not ready. If you're not ready, why have the child? If you abort it now and change your mind later, you can always get pregnant again. OTOH, if you have the child your last way out would be to give it away for adoption (which the father may not let you do anyway), and then you can't really change your mind apart from becoming a deadbeat parent who will be forced by the courts to pay child support anyway.

It seems like a no brainer that you should abort. If you end up regretting it, you can most likely have another. What are the chances that you won't be able to have children after this one?

I went into shock when I found out i was pregnant, at 25yrs And felt some of your feelings,mainly at loosing my independence. Lots of women have the feelings you have at first i did, But mine disappeared and i was fine and excepted the pregnancy and started looking forward to the baby.Then i miscarried.i have never stopped blaming my self as i believed that if i hadn't had those thoughts it wouldn't have happened, even though abortion wasn't something i had considered that isn't something me personally could do.When i got pregnant again i was over the moon happy,put extremely worried i'd miscarry again.I went full term and had a beautiful son,and feel blessed every day, unfortunately i wasn't able to have any more after a smear test i was found to have pre cancerous tissue and had to receive treatment to remove part of my cervix ,did try but kept miscarrying so stopped trying.When you feel the baby move for the first time its wonderful,when you see your baby for the first time it's the best feeling i'v ever had.You may feel fat and ugly but only for a short while,And its worth it believe me.It;s really not so bad.And i ended up being a single mum.And have no of luck luv miche x .

Wow. Thanks for sharing your story, that's alot to deal with and I admire single mothers so much too my mum brought me up on her own an only received £20 a month of my dad who i didnt see too much, i guess he just didnt know how to be a dad. I know how hard it was for my mum and I've got to be thankful how supportive my other half is and family and friends, unfortunately it doesn't help with these feelings I get though =( I'm hoping that maybe seeing the midwife who getting my first scan might give me a kick and make me feel some kind of feeling towards it and a maternal instinct but who knows I guess time will tell. Thank again for your comment though =) xxx