Dear Jesus,

This is really frustrating and tiring. It was a perfect day. It truly was. I was happy, I laughed. I was alright.
But right now...I feel drained. There's no happiness. There is...nothing.
What went so wrong? God, I wish I knew! I wish I knew!
There are no answers. It's just a stupid feeling. That's what I try to tell myself, but then a voice inside asks: "Is it really? Is it really?"
I don't know. My head is empty, my heart is suddenly empty, too, and I just feel the unmistakable urge to...end my life.
I thought I was through with that, but it just keeps coming back, every single time when I least expect it.
Why can't that stupid feeling (if that's what it is) just leave me alone for good? God, I hate it, I hate it, I hate it!
I don't want to die, I don't want to end my life. It's not me, it''s someone else.
I don't want to feel drained and empty. I can see so many images of myself in my head - lifeless, dead.

I'm afraid of myself.
Bittersweet90 Bittersweet90
26-30, F
2 Responses May 22, 2012

Jeremiah 29:11--- "For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."

Dont give up! I know how you feel.... Even now I suffer...even now I hear voices telling me to do things I don't want to do. So I guess, the "Don't give up" is for myself as well. You gotta keep your head up high and think positive. Keep having that hope in Jesus and that strength within you will well up inside you. I know its hard... I know living is hard...but God wants you to live. He has plans for both you and me to do wondrous works for God. Keep reading his word and he will speak to you. Hear his words and it will heal you inside and out.