I Was Raped By My Older BrotherIt happened when I was in grade 3 and grade four.. I was 7 and 8 years when my older brother started to rape me. Now, I am 20 years old and I will be turning 21, In January 2011. It was a very long time ago but still I always remember those horrible days. I wish to have an AMNESIA just to forget everything that had happened to me when I was young. My brother is the second child of my parents and he is 7 years older than me. As far as I can remember the first time he touched me was when just only me and him in our home , I don't know where are all the people in the house went that time. My family is not rich so me and my siblings are just sharing in one room because we have a very small house. I was sleeping that time and he suddenly get on top of me, he covered my mouth pulled my panty down and raped me (at that time I didn't really know what he was doing to me as a young girl i thought it was just a kind of game) so I didn't shout at first when he was covering my mouth with his hand. I can't do anything because he was so strong .. I just screamed when he gets inside of me because I was really hurt that time.
After, he raped me he just left me in the bed and I saw my panty was on blood and the bed-sheet too has bloods on it. I remember my brother took the bed-sheet and my panty outside to wash them he even told me before he left, "Change your clothes and your panty". I didn't really know that time if my brother did to me was bad or not.. so I didn't tell my parents about it. Second time, when I was sleeping again.. It was very dark in our room. I was so sleepy that I didn't notice that he was already inside of me. I was so helpless . That time, there were my other siblings sleeping in our room too but I don't know if they noticed what my older brother was doing to me but i think they didn't because all these years I have been carrying this burden all by myself. And third, was when I was sleeping again in a couch on our living room... I was so helpless that I cannot fight him back. That third time, I have already realized that it was all wrong! I got scared of him , so scared of him that i wished he wasn't my brother and wished I could kill him, punch him and whatever that would hurt him so badly.
Later that day, He was teasing me and also commanding me to do somethings in the house. He likes to command always as if he was a boss with a big voice and i got mad because I was already so sick of him. I said, do it again or else I will really report you to mom and dad for raping me.I gave him a really bad look like i would kill him. He didn't say anything and he was so quiet after I said those things to him. We never get along very well and I started hating him after he did it to me. I know, he was afraid that i will tell our my parents about what he did to me.
When I turned 10 years old my eldest sister told me to go and study with her in my Auntie's place so that accompany her there. many miles away from our home. I took the opportunity to stay away with my pervert brother. In my auntie's place.. I feel like I was being saved from hell I forgot a bit on what happened to me way back in our own house because I didn't see my brother's disgusting face. But I only studied there for one year. I was in grade five when I studied in my Auntie's place. After one year I went back to our home again, I am kinda thankful because my older brother moved to a city where he study college.
I really tried to tell it to my mom but she was too busy and my dad too . I rarely see them in our house during those days. And also, I know that if I will tell it to my parents they will be shocked. I don't know what will be their reaction. Would they send my brother to the prison? I know they won't because they don't want to ruin his future and ruin our family. And also, I got so afraid. What if I told them then, I will be the talked of the town? People will judge my family, and me. I was so scared that time that I prefer to just SHUT UP and tried to live a normal life like many other girls.
I been living these past many years carrying this big secret and until i found this website. I have read some stories almost the same as mine.. and got the courage to post my story here. I feel a bit okay because I am not the only one in this world who had a bad experience in life a disgusting experience that brothers raped their sisters.
I want to get some advices to all people who will read this post of mine. what will I do? I can't really forget it. I don't hate my brother.. he is still my brother no matter what but I really don't like him, My respect of him has gone. Every time we see each other nowadays. I always give him the unpleasant look. I hate talking to him too. He has his own family now, one daughter and two son's. But still when i remember my past I get so sad. I feel bad . That experienced made me not to trust anybody. That's why when i reached high school.. i only have few friends and I don't have that too much confidence of myself. I remember when i was in high school i tried to commit a suicide.. because of what happened to me. I feel that time that my life is worthless.. I don't even have the guts to be with male friends.. I like to make friends with girls only. though, I had few male friends in high school but not really as close like my girl friends.
The worst part of this story is.. Nowadays, There's someone whom I have meet online.. I think he is special to me. I gave him the wrong detail about my rape story because I got afraid to tell him the truth too. Now, we like each other more.. we been chatting for more than four months now, and he would come here next year to see me personally. I am so worried to tell him the truth. He doesn't like LIARS. He really hates liars... so i lied to him he would hate me and I am so afraid that what if i would lose him if i will tell him the truth? the real truth? please tell me what to do.