I Was Raped By My Older Brother

It happened when I was in grade 3 and grade four.. I was 7 and 8 years when my older brother started to rape me. Now, I am 20 years old and I will be turning 21, In January 2011. It was a very long time ago but still I always remember those horrible days. I wish to have an AMNESIA just to forget everything that had happened to me when I was young. My brother is the second child of my parents and he is 7 years older than me. As far as I can remember the first time he touched me was when just only me and him in our home , I don't know where are all the people in the house went that time. My family is not rich so me and my siblings are just sharing in one room because we have a very small house. I was sleeping that time and he suddenly get on top of me, he covered my mouth pulled my panty down and raped me (at that time I didn't really know what he was doing to me as a young girl i thought it was just a kind of game) so I didn't shout at first when he was covering my mouth with his hand. I can't do anything because he was so strong .. I just screamed when he gets inside of me because I was really hurt that time.

After, he raped me he just left me in the bed and I saw my panty was on blood and the bed-sheet too has bloods on it. I remember my brother took the bed-sheet and my panty outside to wash them he even told me before he left, "Change your clothes and your panty". I didn't really know that time if my brother did to me was bad or not.. so I didn't tell my parents about it. Second time, when I was sleeping again.. It was very dark in our room. I was so sleepy that I didn't notice that he was already inside of me. I was so helpless . That time, there were my other siblings sleeping in our room too but I don't know if they noticed what my older brother was doing to me but i think they didn't because all these years I have been carrying this burden all by myself. And third, was when I was sleeping again in a couch on our living room... I was so helpless that I cannot fight him back. That third time, I have already realized that it was all wrong! I got scared of him , so scared of him that i wished he wasn't my brother and wished I could kill him, punch him and whatever that would hurt him so badly.

Later that day, He was teasing me and also commanding me to do somethings in the house. He likes to command always as if he was a boss with a big voice and i got mad because I was already so sick of him. I said, do it again or else I will really report you to mom and dad for raping me.I gave him a really bad look like i would kill him. He didn't say anything and he was so quiet after I said those things to him. We never get along very well and I started hating him after he did it to me. I know, he was afraid that i will tell our my parents about what he did to me.

When I turned 10 years old my eldest sister told me to go and study with her in my Auntie's place so that accompany her there. many miles away from our home. I took the opportunity to stay away with my pervert brother. In my auntie's place.. I feel like I was being saved from hell I forgot a bit on what happened to me way back in our own house because I didn't see my brother's disgusting face. But I only studied there for one year. I was in grade five when I studied in my Auntie's place. After one year I went back to our home again, I am kinda thankful because my older brother moved to a city where he study college.

I really tried to tell it to my mom but she was too busy and my dad too . I rarely see them in our house during those days. And also, I know that if I will tell it to my parents they will be shocked. I don't know what will be their reaction. Would they send my brother to the prison? I know they won't because they don't want to ruin his future and ruin our family. And also, I got so afraid. What if I told them then, I will be the talked of the town? People will judge my family, and me. I was so scared that time that I prefer to just SHUT UP and tried to live a normal life like many other girls.

I been living these past many years carrying this big secret and until i found this website. I have read some stories almost the same as mine.. and got the courage to post my story here. I feel a bit okay because I am not the only one in this world who had a bad experience in life a disgusting experience that brothers raped their sisters.

I want to get some advices to all people who will read this post of mine. what will I do? I can't really forget it. I don't hate my brother.. he is still my brother no matter what but I really don't like him, My respect of him has gone. Every time we see each other nowadays. I always give him the unpleasant look. I hate talking to him too. He has his own family now, one daughter and two son's. But still when i remember my past I get so sad. I feel bad . That experienced made me not to trust anybody. That's why when i reached high school.. i only have few friends and I don't have that too much confidence of myself. I remember when i was in high school i tried to commit a suicide.. because of what happened to me. I feel that time that my life is worthless.. I don't even have the guts to be with male friends.. I like to make friends with girls only. though, I had few male friends in high school but not really as close like my girl friends.

The worst part of this story is.. Nowadays, There's someone whom I have meet online.. I think he is special to me. I gave him the wrong detail about my rape story because I got afraid to tell him the truth too. Now, we like each other more.. we been chatting for more than four months now, and he would come here next year to see me personally. I am so worried to tell him the truth. He doesn't like LIARS. He really hates liars... so i lied to him he would hate me and I am so afraid that what if i would lose him if i will tell him the truth? the real truth? please tell me what to do.
miley06 miley06
21 Responses Sep 3, 2010

I know what you feel. My older brother touched me a lot when I was 6 to 12, my brother is 7 years older than me and would trick me when I was little to touch him. He stimulated me so much by the time I was 7 yrs old my body started acting like a woman. I would get very sexually aroused and very wet. My mom did all our laundry, and one day approach me asking what was the stains and stuff in my underware, and ask me if my brother was doing anything to me and I said no, because I didn't understand what the problem was, all I knew it felt wrong, and him kissing touching and being on top of me was wrong. I remember not liking when my mom would leave, because I knew all that stuff would happen again. This one time my mom left and I already knew what was gonna happen, my brother started looking at me weirdly, and all I could think to do was pretend I wanted to get my doll so I could get away, but he watched me go to my room and waited for me to come out. I was leaning against The door thinking I wish I didn't have to go out there, and I was also thinking if I could just lock the door and drag the bed or dresser in front of the door he wouldn't be able to get it, but that didn't happened and he ended up calling me and asked what I was doing so I grabbed any doll and said I was coming out even though I knew what was about to happen I felt helpless, I felt helpless a lot. I remember when I turned 13 and started to grow boob he knew he couldn't touch me anymore because I wasn't little anymore and I think he knew I would have told on him. But I never did. But he did tell me at the end of all that that happened that he's not happy he won't be able to see my boobs when they grow in. Til this day no one knows except 2 people that's not a family member. I Dont talk to him anymore, I act as if he don't exist to me. I put on a fake smile when family is around, but inside I'm afraid to be alone with him. Im not sure what to tell you about telling the guy your dating, but the 2 people I told was boys I was dating one of them sympathized the other uses it against me and if we had a argument, he would say hurtful things like, I like it or wanted it or deserved it. Needless to say I'm no longer with him. So I would tell you to tell me but there are consequences to it

Hi, i dont really know what to say. I though i was alone. I was raped by my older brother when i was 7-10.. There is 12 years between us and im 16. It was very complicated compaired to what happened to you. But still the same as with others that he lives at home and would stare at me getting outa the shower, being obsessed with every detail of me and my boyfriend.. But i just told my dad not two days ago, he was shocked (hes a CYW) so he asked questions since its his job etc.. Long story short my parents moved him out of the house in a matter of minutes and said they will call the police (witch they are supposed to) only if i wanted. In the end we did, i came back from giving my statement today. That was alittle hard since i have only told my boyfriend of 3 years and even that was hard. I would speak up, yes your parents will think its their fault but you gatta remember that if a 16 year old can blurt it out the anyone can i guess (idk) and I wouldn't quite tell your boyfriend/guyfriend yet, i told mine the wrong details at first and told the truth after 2&half years!!! And he just looked at me and cried, for hours (he was 15 at the time) he had never shown this side of him. After i told my boyfriend he wanted to beat the living hell out of my brother and i would have let him. But at the time it seamed like "he was the favourite child" "mommy and daddy's favourite kid" i hated that so much! Because it wasn't true and i knew it.. But i guess it just how it felt because they didn't know. Ugh.. Ive been num for a very long time and have learned to sting with what i say and stand up for myself. So i know that i can do this and keep going.. I have my parents, boyfriend, grandparents, all standing beside me. It's actually funny if i think about it.. The lady i was giving my statement to (about what happened) said to me at the end "wow whata hard thing to get though but you came out on top sweet heart. you gained a strong attitude, a back bone, and have your parents fighting to help you." .. Out of all my ramblings i hope you can get something from this.. I can tell you its hard and i don't know if anyone else has come forward to loved ones, ITS HARD! Really hard! But its worth it. Dont be ashamed of what happened.. It happened, IN THE PAST! It can only hurt you if you let it! I really hope this helped.. It actually helped to even just write about it for once.. I seriously hope that you can tell your mom and that everything turns out well. ❤️

Hi miley06.

I just wanted to say i know how u feel. When i was young, very verry young, my older brother kept touching me, and in secret and i hated it i was a little girl. Baby. And he kept doing those things he s way older than me. Now im 18 now, & he is 26 or 27 i think.
When i first had sex, my cherry never broke. And i got confused. As i got older, he always touched and and used his penis on me but i was wearing my underwear. So i think maybe when i was a very Small baby or just unconscious, he had done something or him Along with my other older brother he is 24 or 25 now and still lives here with me my mum and other family. I dont trust them. At all. The one that touched me a lot, no longer lives with us thankfully but the other does. I have 6 brothers 2 younger 4 older and 2 are guilty.

Now when it comes to your question should you tell, Never, ever hold in your feelings because they will eat u up and can get u very very sick.
And stress and depression is a silent killer. It can kill.
So i suggest you tell your mum and dad. Tell them. Tell them Everything because They as parents need to know and would love u to tell them, they would be hurt that u kept something like this away from them they would feel they done something wrong but he cant get away with it. If he does something to your neice *his daughter* how will she be believed? You cn help by letting them know before hand. Whoever tells u not to tell is quite cruel and evil because if they had a daughter then they would not give to craps about what their partner or sons or any male would do to them. *Hmm thats good love isnt it?* very cruel.

Tell your man so you can Open up to him. He will be all ears. Telling him doesnt mean u lied u never lied u just didnt want him to know. Now u feel u trust him u cn open up to him. He will not hate u but love and cherish u more and feel much closer to u..he will appreciate that u told him. And want to protect u and any children u may have in the future. Lets face it, will u allow your dutty brother to be around your kid? No! He will never be trusted again. Tell and you will be surprised how much help and love will be surrounding you. And your future offspring.

I dont hate my brothers i did before but learnt not to *that was super hard* i just dislike them both and do not trust neither of them. And never will. They both lost it. I have a baby son now, will be 7months and the other brother i dont trust still lives at home with me my mum and my other 3 brothers that i love to death and he needs to move the hell out. *Which he says he will* he used to be physically abusive to me that stopped once i had a backbone and stood the hell up to him i made his life here hell now he is forever trying to suck up my *** every minute and i cant stand it. Its like he wants me to be his girlfriend and my baby his also. He needs to back the hell up he Irritates me to hell. He forever stares at me. Comments on EVERY LITTLE *or big* thing i say. So annnnoying. He wont LEAVE ME THE HELL ALONE or stay away from my kid. Theres no way *even tho i have a son, still protective, u get perverts that love little boys and girls sexually* i will let him near my kid, alone or touching. Theres no way on earth. I just have to be civil for my mums sake, but i want him to stop Obsessing over me. Hes weird and odd. I think hes perversing over me. Everytime i go to have a bath, he lingers around the bathroom, and tries to wait till i come out so he can see what i look like it boils my blood. I alwys wrap up in a towel so he cant see nout. In my head i TRY to be civil and act like Nothing is up but at the same time i let him know i dont want u near me or my kid. *He knows* and he knows i dont like him im just being fake *i Hatr fakeness and hate being fake, i just wanna be normal but when someone u dont like at All is Constantly around u and all up in your business then of corse u gotta be acting fake* to keep peace especially for my baby, i dont him seeing violence all the time and dont want my mum braking up fights constantly im trying to be peaceful as i just want to be Left Alone. I dont wanna move out bit sometimes i wanna. I wanna help my mum cos manu things wrong with her but he should move out as hes too old and taking up room anyway. He says he wants to move out but i guess cos he knows i dislike him so much and bcos i have a baby. So yeah. Thats pretty much it.

Just please dont keep all your stuff bottled up tell the people who LOVE u and want to help u. If they get angry u told them then they dont love u which u know your parents and family does so do tell them. They need to know. Okay babe!

Hope your all okay and things with your man or New man is going sweet!

C-yaaa! X

And also miley06, telling, does not make you any less of a woman. Its called be strong! So dont let anybody tell you any different.

hi um my name is madison and I know how u feel cause I was raped by my step father and my 3 step brothers 16 times and had 1 child but I felt the same way. I'm sorry. but why do men do that is what I don't understand?

hey I know how it feels 2 b raped cause I got raped 16 times and I have had 1 child but I was raped by my step father and my 3 step brothers 16 times and I felt the same way

Dear Miley.
don't ,,, don't ,,, don't tell him any about your past and it's not a mater of liars . that's your past (over) ... family.....but your boyfriend can judge on you from the time you and him knew each others ... About your brother he did fell guilty that he did wrong with his beautiful sister ... From now go forward standup again and forget all bad things in your past tray to leave and mange your present life and look for you future .

Thats stupid advise!! Such a heartless *****! Yeah to move on, but you have to talk about it to "move on". Speak To trustworthy people. People who love you needs to know. You will Never "just move on" if you havent said jack to nobody. You need to think before you speak. Thats terrible advise obviously she wants to tell her feelings and tell the truth she just dont know how to go about it.

Telling the poor girl to keep it bottled in, yeah and then she dies from depressioned stress! Where's her justice? Oh let every girl on earth get abused and not say nothing. Yeah right, and not say a word? U got to be kidding me.

MILEY06 TELL YOUR PARENTS AND THE MAN U LOVE AND WHO LOVES YOU! It's for the best and will help u move the hell on. ;)

I'm so sorry that happened to you.

I wish I was your brother.

That's sick ^

**** u if that means what I think ur sayin

oh this is forasdfasdgasdg the one above

Saying it like that doesnt sound nice! At least say: i wish i was your brother so i can make you happy and be yoir best friend, and be what the other one wasnt".

Saying it like, oh i wish i were your brother makes it sound like you wanna be what he was.


1 More Response

I wish these things would never happen to people. its not fair. I understand you, also sorry to hear what happened to you. its taken me over 10 years to tell my mom what happened. but it was too late, she blames me. I'm sick of her and that ba**** brother. you should maybe tell your mom or the authority before it's too late, now I'm in my 20's and I have really no support, my mom thinks I'm crazy and I'm making things up. she's on his side. I just wanted to die. but, he will win and get away with everything, if I did pass away... I don't think he regrets what he did. He's just going to regret being caught. I wanted to tell the police. but my mom said she will never forgive me, and I should be ashamed of what I'm saying. I've been ashamed of what happened to me 10 years ago and have lived in silence. she also said it will ruin all of my families lives. I just wanted him to go jail or go to hell and get what he deserves. if he started doing those disgusting things to me from the age of when I was 8 till I was 13 then he should be in prison. he never did regret any of his action he never did stop...

every time after he did those things to me I wished that it wouldn't happen ever again, and maybe he would just stop cause he knows its wrong to do, but then he would start messing about with me again and I still kept thinking maybe he'll stop and I tried to hint to him that god knows everything that is happening, I became a little religious after he started raping me, religion was like the only thing I could turn to other than my parents... and also I thought if he does attack me again I will scream so everybody in the house can hear and that would make him stop, but he still kept doing these sick things to me every time. and I couldn't ever scream, I felt paralyzed and always in shock and scared every time... I did try and move away but he is older and bigger than me and he'd grabbed me if I started moving away. I feel so upset and hate that I have family like this, I wish they weren't even related to me

I recently met someone. I did lie to him that someone else raped me other than my brother cause I felt ashamed of saying that a***ole did, when he asked me who did this. maybe tell him the truth, a lot of people are really understanding, he may care for you more cause he has a slight different opinion to you cause remember its not your fault. that pig did this to you, and left you in this situation, your brother made you feel bad... also maybe you should tell that guy earlier before its too late, hope everything really goes well for you, and you find peace and happiness. good luck to you, forget about the bad things that happened, and the bad people, put it in a little box and just push it aside, and never open it again, it scarred me but I keep pushing it away from my thoughts, and never wanting to remember it, and just enjoy yourself from now on, think about your future only... I've done that, I'm a lot happier too. I hope this helps you...

Hi Miley,I have read ur story and I'm so sorry for u. If my opinion is importent to u, here I can say: Don't tell him the truth,more guys don't accept it kindly. There is ancient words. There said that; In order to reach to happines may say a few of lie, it'll be the truth that time because first of all it's ur happiness, don't forget it. Follow my advises and I'm sure everything will be OK..

Hi Miley,I have read ur story and I'm so sorry for u. If my opinion is importent to u, here I can say: Don't tell him the truth,more guys don't accept it kindly. There is ancient words. There said that; In order to reach to happines may say a few of lie, it'll be the truth that time because first of all it's ur happiness, don't forget it. Follow my advises and I'm sure everything will be OK..

Im srry u went threw that its never easy 2 deal with things like that n if u wonna tlk im on facebook

Tell him really,that'll be better

Tell him really,that'll be better

You need to tell your parents and get some help for your own sanity


It's Really Unfair What Some People Do To Others & I Know Exactly How U Feel My Brother Walked In On My 28 Ye Old Cousin Raping Me & Instead Of Stopping It He Started Threatening Me That He Was Going To Tell My Parents & Tell Them That I Was Enjoying It & Both Him & My Cousin Raped Me Almost Every Day For About 3 Yes. & I'm 35 Now & It Still Bothers Me To This Day.

Poor girl. Tell someone. I know you're scared please tell your parents or a friend.

I know you are scared but you have to tell him the truth you don't want to be carrying this big lie for another year just tell him the truth and tell him that you were afraid he might judge you or leave you and you were speechless at the moment and was trying not to remember a memory from the pass and lied to you because it was a distraction if he leaves you then there are other guys out there looking for a strong woman like you trust me I wish you the best and hope you live a great life

I think you're right TheUnforgettable

My story is very much like yours miley06. but i dont really know if this is getting raped, because i did whatever he told me to do and the horrible thing about it is i liked it.<br />
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I was about 9 years old and my brother was about 13 when he first started raping me. and at that time my parents were divorced and my mom got remaried.<br />
On that day my mom was still asleep because she worked the midnight shift and my my stepdad was at the gym and my brother and i were in the ba<x>sement watching tv. after about an hour or so of watching tv my brother started coming over to me and pulled out his.... well you know...and told me come over and take a feel and like an idiot i did. then he started to undress me and told me "this is our little secret and if you tell mom your dead, so i said ok and sat there so he could do whatever to me and he did this every chance he got. i did say no to a few things like when he told me to give him a blow job and when he told me to go get in his bed. and my mother later divorced her second husband.<br />
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It lasted for two years untill i told my mom when my brother wasn't there.<br />
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Now i am to scared to let any guy in the house. i refuse to let my mother even date again because im so scared. plus im even having nightmares about it and im 14 years old!! im in councling now but its not helping.<br />
<br />
please tell me what to do!!! :(

I'm so sorry for what happend to you :/ ! It hurts and it is understandable why you didn't tell, your parents wouldn't have called the police, but turn there backs on him, your brother was cruel to do that to you, and i really feel for you to go through this, you are very courageous. Maybe therapy might help, you may not beable to forget, but you can move on, this relationship your in now sounds great grab it with two hands and no turning back. I understand that you are scared, scared to trust another man again, and scared that you will think of the rape when you make love... but not every man is like that. Do not let you brother win, do not let him make you feel so low ! Move on...<br />
Tell this man when you meet him what really happend if you want to... he won't hate you because what you went through, is very hard to share. You sit down and have fun with him... Go Girl ! You are brave and courageous strong and powerful !! Get in there... It's time to move on ! xxx<br />
I no how it feels so go through so much, you can't share anything... read my blog<br />
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Good Luck... xxxx