Changing The Way We Think To Change The Way The Way We Feel

I do also wish women would love themselves. I see so many beautiful women who don't like themselves for whatever reason it could be the way they look, how many men they have been with, or a complex developed a child for some reason. Here are two real life examples one is my own and one is that of my old roommate (I love her dearly)

My old roommate when I met her was a hard working and talented culinary student. She is so fun loving and has this sexuality and personality that you can't help be drawn to and she was quiet attractive as well. You might be wondering at this point if I am straight and I am but I lived with this girl for almost a year and got to know her very well on an emotional/mental level. There was this guy who she was in love with we will call him James. He had graduated with the same degree from the same school and moved back home to be with his family. Well after that she really didn't have relationships she just had relations. Her number is quite a number in the mind to high 20s. Well one night she got drunk and called her Ex James and they talked and she was so happy to hear from him but then minutes later she was in the bathroom sobbing on the floor in the fetal position. I went in and tried to console her even though she repeatedly told me she was ok but clearly she was not. I said "baby girl, come on and get off the floor and we can go and talk on the couch. You don't want to be on this dirty bathroom floor". She replied to me "I'm not clean enough to come out of the bathroom. I am so dirty no one is going to want me". This broke my heart because I knew she was referring to her number of men and at that point I picked her up off of the bathroom floor and set her in the hallway until she stopped crying. We moved to the couch so she could talk about it and she cried some more and fell a sleep. The next day I talked to her about it because I knew she was so drunk she wouldn't remember. She said that yes she is ashamed of it but sometimes she just couldn't help it because she loved the attention and she loved sex. Well now she is graduated and is a sues chef at 21 at a nice fine dining restaurant (which is kind of uncommon for someone at the age in the culinary world.) and she is working on herself, trying to love herself more in spite of her "number"
My story is different. I am plus sized female and have been for most of my life. I didn't know that it was a bad thing until I was told by one of my teachers that I was too big. She suggested to my mom that she take me a pediatric dietitian. I started loosing weight but it didn't stay off I was a kid and had no discipline and my mother was no model for healthy eating. When I was in high school I used to go into chat room and find guys to talk to who were older than me. I was 16 and most of them were 18 and up, one guy was in his 30s. I would send them pictures of myself topless and in racy positions and wearing little clothing. They would talk dirty to me and I liked it, I liked the attention because I hated myself and I needed to hear that I was sexy, beautiful, and wanted. Eventually, I got caught by my mom she was furious and called me a *****. (Also at this time my parents were going through divorce because my mom turned out to be a lesbian and I blamed my acting out on the fact that I missed my dad even though he had nothing to do with it) I have a boyfriend now who loves me dearly and I love him so much but a few years a go I cheated on him because his love and attention became not enough. We live in different states because I moved to go to college in Illinois and he is back in Wisconsin so I only see him maybe 1-2 times a month 2 at the most. I told him about it eventually and he forgave me but I broke up with him because I wasn't ready to give up the attention I was getting from other guys I was meeting. Now we are back together and have been for a while. I have stopped being selfish when it comes to attention but I am still not completely happy with myself. I always look at other women and the if onlys’ and the I wishes' run through my head: If only I had her legs, if only I had her ***, if only I had her waist line, I wish I had her cup size I wish I had her hair I wish I had her eyes. One day not to long ago I said to myself I have to stop wish for these things because I only have one body and what I have is what I have and I need to love it. So every time I catch myself saying I wish or if only I stop myself and say "you are beautiful too". We as women do have love ourselves to stay strong for ourselves and if that requires changing the way we think than so be it.
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1 Response May 15, 2011

Wow..Your story completely describes me! I'm slightly over weight..I was a little thing ti'll middle school and then i started packing on the pounds..I've been so unhappy with myself..I'm always looking at those size 7 and below girls wishing i had their small bodies..Its so hard to deal with sometimes..I'm constantly worried about what others think and its sometimes just so stressful! I to have met a wonderful man who i've been with for 2 years and have a long distance relationship with..we see each other atleast once a month..It just worries me that he'll find him someone smaller and prettier..He's always telling me how he loves me and my body..and that he loves me the way i am..but he also tells me that once we live together he's goin to whip me into shape..But idk..the last bit of your story was very inspiring though!