My Best Friend Refused To Move And I Didn't Like It.

When my friend Michael Elphick form the hit TV show 'Boon' was a young boy he shot and killed a Unicorn, tore out it's larynx and underwent what was, at the time, a very experimental procedure to graft said larynx onto his existing larynx. Ever since that moment he has been the possessor of a singing voice that makes Jesus himself hide his beardy, emaciated face in jealous shame.

As younger men we would while away the hours creating a musical cocktail so potent and talking about subjects so profound that to the uninitiated ear it might even sound like a load of old balls... But it was not balls.

Our bond was firm and true. So strong that many believed, one day our genes would splice together and where two men had once stood only Mark from Westlife would remain. Something had to give, so with a tear in my eye and a Bible in my hand, I kissed his elven cheek and sailed away to Brighton.

I dared not look back. I knew he was too young and his winkle too small for him to understand my reasoning. All I could do was pray that one day he would see that I had no choice. The sinners of Brighton needed a healer and I was that man.

Though I miss his tender touch, I am comforted by the knowledge that Mary, the Blessed Mother's light shines brightly in his heart and that his hair looks good naturally... Even better with a small amount of gel.

l send him all the love of the 63 Jovian moons. Be strong Elf Man, for one day we will meet again.

Dan The Revelator
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Dontherevelator Dontherevelator
26-30, M
Dec 11, 2012