My Husband Cheated On Me

I have been with my husband since high school, 16 years old. We were teen parents. We had a lot of problems the first 5 or so years. But we got past it, so I thought. We didn't get married until 2010, after being together for 10 years and after the birth of our 3rd child together. We got married and the whole relationship seemed to change for the better. We gained way more respect for each other, we were more affectionate, we did things for each other, we felt better morally, and we just were overall healthier. We have been married for a little over a year now. One night he left his email open and I snooped. I found emails between him and another women, a married women, saying they missed each other and talking about how nice it would be if he could get some free time away from me and our children to see her. My husband is a grocery manager so he is works with many different people and the general public all day long. When I confronted him about the emails, he confessed that he had a "flirting" relationship with this women. That is was over and that he felt so much different about me and our relationship when he said "I do." What was I chopped liver before we got married?? The emails were dated 6 months before we got married, while I was 6 months pregnant with our third child. So he had been cheating on me the same year he married me. A time in my life I thought was so perfect. Our life seemed to be great together and heading in such an amazing direction. I had always had a "hunch" that he had cheated on me but he always assured me that he loved me and would never hurt me in such a cruel way, and that he was happy to be with only me, and that our life was great. He stole that year of my life away from me. And he is stealing my life right now. I thought that I had enough faith to get past this if it ever came my way. I am finding out that I don't. I am so hurt and humiliated. I don't know how I could have been so stupid to think my husband loved me that much after not even wanting to marry me for so many years. Why did I fall into this trap and now I am playing the victim? He had always been a very secretive person, never allowing me to read emails and his phone has always been password protected. Still is. I used to go into his work for lunch with our children, the whole time, his co workers new he was cheating one. How awful and emabarassing is that?? I have been trying so hard to get past this and work on us and get happy again but I am struggling so bad. He told me nothing physical ever happened and they just talked and flirted. I don't believe him. I just don't. Why should I? It would hurt the same even if they only ever talked, he gave her something he didn't give me, himself. I need help. I am sorry I am all over the place. Advice would be VERY much appreciated
natalie1984 natalie1984
26-30, F
1 Response Apr 17, 2012

Natalie,<br />
I don't think that you will ever be able to trust him again. It seems so unfair that good, honest people are the ones easiest to lie to, because we just CAN'T BELIEVE! that someone would be so incredibly underhanded. Unfortunately I really feel that men think of themselves and only what they want. Integrity? I wish I could see it in a man. We give our all, being honest and really worrying and agonizing if we hurt him in a tiny way, meanwhile they tell themselves everything's OK when they drill through our hearts. I think you are strong because you face this woman and haven't even said anything bad about her :) I think you are smart because the way that you write. And I think the only way out of this is time ("Healing Hands of Time", an old Willie Nelson song, is really true :) and meeting someone else, someone better. God help us. <br />
I'm with a man who lied to me when we were just getting to know each other. The other woman emaild me in anger when he finally turned from her to me. Now I don't feel I can ever trust him. God knows I want to, I'm 32 and no kids, I want a family and a love, you know! But try as I might it's too hard never knowing if you are getting the full story. Plus, we deserve better, don't we? Yes, we do. I believe we can and will find what we are looking for, if only we do not settle before we get to it. Good luck.