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I Wish He Would Want Me

There are times when I wonder if I am even attractive anymore.  This is a hard thing to think because I've never felt pretty or attractive and have had self esteem issues about my body image for a long time.  My husband was the only person to ever tell me I was beautiful and I will never forget that.  That was when we met almost thirteen years ago. 

In the past year, I've never felt better about my body or my attractiveness.  I wear nicer clothes, dresses mainly, they make me feel sexy and I've tried really hard to look good.  I don't know if it was because I hit some sort of turning point when I hit age 37 last year or if it just me reaching my "peak" so to say.  I'm not sure, but I really like the way I feel and to not have it reinforced by my husband just makes me think that I am not attractive. 

He never initiates our sexual encounters.  I always have to and just wish that I could be overtaken and ravished and treated to the pleasures I desire and deserve.  I don't know if that will ever happen.  I want it all the time but try to get it at least once a week.  We've had major dryspells in our past where months have gone by and I don't want that to ever happen again.

I crave sexual attention from him.  I wish he would just stroke my shoulder as he walked by or gave me a pat on the ***, just something to show his physical interest for me, but nothing.

I strayed from my marriage recently because of what I lacked.  I can't say that I won't do it again.

I love my husband and have spoken to him about this on numerous occasions, it hasn't helped.  I need sexual attention and for someone to really want me.  I wish he did.

Stacy213 Stacy213 36-40, F 15 Responses Aug 23, 2009

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I am feeling like the male version of you. I have also strayed from my marriage, and like you, I am not sure that I won't ever do it again. I learned some things about myself outside of my marriage that I need, and I wonder if my marriage will ever be "normal". I have one female friend at work, and she used to say "it's just the time period of your marriage that you are going though, this too shall pass", but the more I tell her about possibly straying, the more flirty she has been lately, essentially a "work wife". Of course that is why I am here, an area where I can speak of whatever I want, and pretty much be anonymous. I hope you can find happiness, as I wish for myself.

I am still amazed that men can be this way when the stereotype and my life are that men are always desiring their women.<br />
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The damage goes far beyond affection to ego and self worth. I have heard it said that the one who loves the most has the least power. Perhaps that is what ILIASM is all about. <br />
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You are obviously intelligent and through the affair you know you are desirable. Be careful with others in that affairs can be found out. Your kids then see you as destroying the home. Then the truth is never known.

Thanks so much!

Bill,<br />
Thanks for the advice. That's a great idea! I wonder if he'd even notice? If I was still interested in him then I guess it would matter. But at this point, I wish he'd be the one to ask for a divorce. <br />
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Lou,<br />
Thanks so much for your offer to talk. I would love that.

Having never seen yourself as atractive was a bad start and it seems you are continuing.<br />
Atractiveness is in the eye of the beholder and that is you..your husband is not you... So you really don't know how he sees you..Its a girl thing to think that clothes are the answer.. but when you want man to want you.. you don't want him to ask for your dress...<br />
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I recieved some E-mail from a stranger who was in the same fix as you.. She could not get her husbands attention as you say.. But.. she took in on to herself to bring sex into her life and not as she had been accustomed to.. so she bought a couple of books in the erotic genre, one was mine. She read them at times her husband was not home or could see her read.. BUT she left the books in plain sight.. Her husband found mine that she had read while in the tub..She had pusposely dog eared some of the pages.<br />
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The whole thing led to a conversation where she remained distant and none comital..only saying it was an outlet for her.. in a very casual manner. From her note it was a start that had not been able to bring about.<br />
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But, if you stay with him or not.. the self image you carry will go with you.. so you need to take another look at what you think you are.. and see where to change so you will end up not in the same place as you are.... Good luck..I truely hope you find your way out of this.. <br />
Some times just talking helps.. so I am here if you wish...............<br />
.......................................................... Lou

I suggest you hook up with a girlfriend or two and tell him that the two/three of you are going out for some fun!... Be sure and dress a tad sexy.. Showing off a bit of cleavage or a shorter than normal dress/skirt. Once out, you needn't do anything, but flirting is a nice way to get your sense of self back. Maybe not the first time, but I'm betting your husband will be going nuts at home wondering what you're up to! To the point where I suspect he might do some self-examination and come to the conclusion that "if others are interested in you, he must be taking something for granted"! If ya need a flirt date/dancing partner.... give me a yell!!!!! <br />
p.s. My wife gave up on sex until she came to the conclusion that "I was something of a catch!"!!! Bill in Va.

Thank you for saying that. :-)

Right? What about me? I'm never a priority. He even went to help his mom with her snow before he plowed out my car. I was stranded at home.

Ok stacy213, my periodic "droughts" do not even compare with that stat. Sorry babe....a handyman and a father are very important but what about you?

And we haven't had sex since July 2010.

Well, it's been over a year since I wrote this. I no longer even want my husband anymore. I don't desire him, I am not in love with him. He's a great dad, can do almost anything around the house. But I am never his first priority and I'm sick of it. I really need to take some time to decide what to do. I'm very scared of divorce.

I am sorry you are experiencing this lack of physical attention. I know how difficult it can be to want love on all levels....you sound like a caring person you has made you desires clear and have tried to "get the ball rolling", men can be very thick and slow on the uptake....I have "allowed" my wife to catch me taking care of business and it tends to work...just an idea...good luck

Wow everything you wrote sounds sooo familiar!<br />
Stick with it as it sounds like just a slump<br />
Maybe something to shake things up so you both can feel the passion the way it once was?

Have an affair ...with him...if not then...

yes...keep at him...rape him if need be,lol. Just don't give up on him