I Wish He Would Want Me
There are times when I wonder if I am even attractive anymore. This is a hard thing to think because I've never felt pretty or attractive and have had self esteem issues about my body image for a long time. My husband was the only person to ever tell me I was beautiful and I will never forget that. That was when we met almost thirteen years ago.
In the past year, I've never felt better about my body or my attractiveness. I wear nicer clothes, dresses mainly, they make me feel sexy and I've tried really hard to look good. I don't know if it was because I hit some sort of turning point when I hit age 37 last year or if it just me reaching my "peak" so to say. I'm not sure, but I really like the way I feel and to not have it reinforced by my husband just makes me think that I am not attractive.
He never initiates our sexual encounters. I always have to and just wish that I could be overtaken and ravished and treated to the pleasures I desire and deserve. I don't know if that will ever happen. I want it all the time but try to get it at least once a week. We've had major dryspells in our past where months have gone by and I don't want that to ever happen again.
I crave sexual attention from him. I wish he would just stroke my shoulder as he walked by or gave me a pat on the ***, just something to show his physical interest for me, but nothing.
I strayed from my marriage recently because of what I lacked. I can't say that I won't do it again.
I love my husband and have spoken to him about this on numerous occasions, it hasn't helped. I need sexual attention and for someone to really want me. I wish he did.