Frustrated DIL

My MIL moved in 3 months ago and my husband and I have been married for four years...MIL was supposedly getting away from her "crazy" husband who she thinks is mixing chemicals to run her off. WTH??? However since being here she giggles on the phone with him daily. He calls just to check in with her and she calls him to find out his every move. She knows his daily schedule. She claims that he is a horrible man that puts on a great front in front of others. I personally like the man because he has ALWAYS been respectful and polite  to me. Unlike herself she is always aggressive and bossy and she always has to add her two cents to every situation. When my husband and I were married and she first visited the home she told him I had too many photos of myself and my side of the family(excuse me for posting pictures in my home)....he told her he agreed because their were no photos of him up...but  he lived in the home before me so he could have had as many pictures of himself and his side of the family as he wanted to but he chose not to, but I'm the vain one for actually displaying my personal and family pictures. She also told him that I just need to understand that she is so bossy and aggressive because she worked in HR for many years he agreed and tried to convince me of the same. I told him they both were crazy and asked if he realized what he was actually saying to me. She is so nosy she NEVER closes her bedroom door...i think it's just to over hear us down stairs. My husband works and I stay home with our infant and 11 year old (for the summer) and of course she is retired so I have to deal with her all day. I intentionally stay in my room when I know she is out of hers. My baby screams when she comes near her. You would think after living here for 3 months they would have a close bond by now. Even my 11 yr old who I have taught to be polite tolerates her and often seems awkward and uncomfortable around her. She is just not a likable person. My 11 yr old is from a previous relationship but my husband and I have been together the 2nd time around since she was 3 months old so you would think they would be quite close and comfortable around each other....NOT!  When she moved in I was informed that we didn't know how long she would be staying but I personally wanted to get some ground rules like give a definite time frame and rules like give us our privacy at dinner. My husband got so offended by the thought of ground rules for his Mother we never even discussed them at all. He is a Mama's boy so any wrong she has done in the past he just overlooks it or tells me that I am overreacting. I asked him last week when she was moving since she is always giggling with her husband on the phone and he just said their relationship is none of his business. I say you made it my business when you moved in my house. Because of my Mother in laws ugly ways she has placed a wedge between my husband and his dad. She has tried to convince my Husband and I separately that her husband is a bad man and he can't be trusted. Although my husband tells me to change the subject when she speaks like this since she has lived with us he does not call his Dad unless he wants something (i.e. help moving furniture). When I point this out to him he just says he never talked to his Dad a lot before she moved in. EVERY NIGHT at dinner she eats with us and although she swears that she doesn't eat/like certain foods that I make she may as well lick her plate because there is not one morsel of food left on it. She complains that we waste money in our home by not buying ALL off brand foods and by not eating 100% of our leftovers. I told my husband who goes to other peoples homes and tells them what to eat and what to buy in their own home and he just said she is just sharing some wisdom. She pays us $300 a month in rent and probably pays about $60 a month on groceries that she buys for the home herself. I say she is getting over on us because just 3 years ago she just retired from a job making 95k a year. Not to mention her husband worked in the military for 38 years and he just retired too. Every month she goes home to get all of their household bills so she can pay them. Plus she goes on dates with her husband at least twice a week. And she told me her husband asked for $3000 of their joint money to buy a truck but she told him no. ???? She claims that he told her that he didn't want to be married to her anymore which is part of the reason she moved but in different conversations she claims he begs for her to come back home. She continually gossips our business to family members and will sometimes even get off of the phone to verify details of our business then she goes back to get on the phone to gossip some more about us. She and her husband both still go to the same church and volunteer at the church and they both pretend like everything is wonderful in their lives. It's sickening to watch because the onlookers don't know the real story. She is so fake she pretends like everything is perfect in her life when it's really not. I have never confronted her about her nastiness towards me or her current living situation because I always thought my husband should handle it because it's his mother. I'm just sick of looking at her daily and my husband says I should be glad she is here because she helps us out. Helping us out consists of her taking my daughter to school during the school year, paying $300 in rent and washing dishes daily. She cooks like once a week now too...can't forget that woohoo!!!!

Once we casually mentioned adopting one of my nephews and she blurted out "he (my husband) needs to have his own kids". She tried to take control of my wedding her philosophy was when you help pay for something you have a right to make decisions about it. Even her husband told her in front of me He thought that whoever was getting married were the ones to make the decisions on it.

I have to mention that since she has been here she has been polite for the most part, but the welcome mat has become worn out especially after her weekly dates and giggling daily calls to her husband. I wish I could get my husband to understand this without it coming across in an ugly manner. I'm just sick of looking at her. Who wants to live with their Mother in Law????

I don't say much for the sake of peace in my marriage but I think she needs to go home to her husband or get her own place to live. I wouldn't mind helping her out if she lost her income or was disabled, but this is not the case. I think we are enabling her to postpone decisions about her marriage. She claims she would get an apartment, but doesn't want to possibly get stuck with a mortgage and rental payment in the event that her husband decides to leave their current hm. Did I mention she made 95k a year before retiring after over 30 years. She and her husband save save save and are as cheap as ever with spending so they have lots of money saved. I'm so frustrated. Any suggestions because everytime I hint to my husband or give specifics he either gets quiet or justifies her actions or just says it's not his business.

ttrinise22 ttrinise22
31-35, F
1 Response Jun 21, 2009

Wow... you sound pissed... lol. Seriously... you need to talk with your husband 'cause it sounds like this might really damage your marriage.