Taken In Hand Relationships Are Not Abusive

I absolutely love that my Husband is strong, confident and that he leads our relationship. I love to feel his strength, his reassurance and his dominance. This is never felt stronger than when he is disciplining me.
It drives me crazy when ignorant, misguided people who have absolutely no idea about this way of life, call it "Abuse".  They are far too self absorbed to see further than what they want to see, unwilling to take time to find out the truth before making their judgements.
Taken in hand marriages cannot be abusive  because they are consensual. We are mature adults who, having all of the facts, have made an informed choice to live this way.
I have been taken in hand by my Husband for more than a year now, I am not abused, damaged or humiliated in anyway. There are fewer arguments, if we do disagree, it is settled and we are able to move on quickly because negative emotions are not left to fester.
I see my Husband as stronger, sexier and this has had an amazing impact on our sex lives. I am calmer, more organised and less stressed than ever before. My husband is gentle and understanding, but not a push over. I appreciate that, because I know like many women do, I would end up taking him for granted otherwise. I am here to stand up for those of us who have domestic discipline marriages. We are not crazy. We not sick. we are not abusive. We have loving, giving marriages with understanding and forgiveness. We choose organisation, boundaries and consequenses as a way of achieving that.
So.... you don't agree? Tough! There are many things on experience project that I don't agree with, I simply keep my opinion to myself. It is really not that difficult!
RobertaSunset RobertaSunset
36-40, F
32 Responses Nov 15, 2011

Well very written and accurate. I would like to have this someday

I hope you find happiness with or without a tih relationship

Thanks for sharing this, I appreciate the insight.

I love the way you put this, I often feel exactly the same way. I'm tired of people judging TIH and DD when they know nothing about it, my husband is not abusive or sick and neither am I. I always tell these people that if they tried it (if the HOH is the right man and is strong enough) that their marriage would thrive and blossom and become something so beautif. The power that my husband has over me makes me feel so empowered!

People in tih relationships, especially the women tend to defend, and exalt this lifestyle choice. The women in these relationships appear to get something out of it. It truly fascinates me. I often find myself baffled because what makes many of you tih ladies feel loved and protected would inspire feelings of anger and rage in me. And while you ladies tend to respect and admire the qualities embraced in your tih husbands, these same qualities would disgust me.
I guess we are all different.
I would love to research the psychological benefits that many of these ladies experience. It truly fascinates me.
I respect YOUR choice because it is YOUR choice.

Mr. Skeater,
I am happy to hear that your wife is treated very well. Treating your wife with love and affection will only benefit your marriage.
I do have to disagree though about your assertion that non tih husbands do not do the same sweet things for their wives.

I also should add that there are wives and women whom would rather pump gas, mow a 1000 lawns amd take trash out then be turned over their husbands knee or worse being told to " watch your attitude."

Gumshoejane, a lot of wives really do need to watch their attitude. It is very common in the US, and I suspect Canada as well, for wives to speak to and about their husbands, even in public, with a level of disrespect that would cause them to be beside themselves with rage if their husbands spoke to and about THEM that way. Because husbands don't react strongly when wives act this way, wives fall into the pattern of thinking it's OK, and they never stop to think about how they would feel if they were the ones being spoken of this way. TV programs and commercials encourage this misbehavior, and the feminist movement is responsible for polluting the culture with this contempt for men.

What grocery stores and restaurants do you gentlemen hang out in? I rarely see women belittling men. Though I have witnessed good natured teasing ( usually "man cold" or snoring jokes). The men appear unfazed and tend to laugh along.
Is this what you mean? Does this type of teasing hurt men? I am sincerely asking.

Oh I don't think you are bad at all. Thank you for being so nice and for responding.

It's very helpful having a husband who is happy to motivate you to do things you might let slide otherwise. They don't make life into a series of traps to whack their wives (they aren't THAT attentive!) and they do quite enjoy being affectionately teased.

Thank you damselfly. :)

You're welcome. They help with the housework sometimes too

Now THAT'S an incentive! lol

For me there have been huge psychological and practical benefits, I am inherently lazy as well as extremely anxious (but headstrong and opinionated) so many things that I have wanted to do for myself, I haven't previously been able to do so without the support of my husband. I know that it just wouldn't have been possible if we were not tih, cause I really need the threat of a good spanking to make me do it, pre tih it would have been "yeah yeah... I'll do it tommorrow" I have the greatest happiness and self esteem because my personal goals are accomplished, what would have once been "tomorrow" is now today or even yesterday and because you know your husband is responsible for making that happen for you, it does bring you so much closer :o)

Thank you Robbo! :)

Ewww ... I pump gas, fix the car, work outside home, take out the trash and mow the lawn too. And still I get spanked from time to time!!! Life's not fair!!! Lol.

I appriciate your understanding and lack of judgment. Thats not too comon from someone who is not in a TIH relationship.

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Abuse is merely the corruption of an accepted practice. Today's society has become so fixated on abuse that it ignores value of traditional marriages. As a result, marriages have become devalued and all too often avoided. For the most part, people no longer expect marriages to last. A cheap imitation called cohabitation has been passed off as the real thing. The results have not been good for men, women, or the children they produce.

I so agree with you, it's so sad. I feel very lucky to have found the answer so early on in my marriage :o)

It ought to be obvious that there is far greater communication in this kind of partnership, anyway. Nobody can just plunge in without some very courageous candour to start with, and constant renewals. I think I don't believe people who keep "mistaking" it for abuse

While statistical correlation is not the same as causality, it is interesting to note that the late 20th century surge in the divorce rate happened at about the same time as the proliferation of professional marriage counselors and the appearance of the term "domestic violence" in the English language.

I often wonder what a mariage therapist would make of our marriage, I'm not that impressed with them as a whole, I think they tend to be overly bias towards the feminine perspective from what I've read.

The one thing to remember about counseling and therapy is that if patients could solve their problems, the counselor would be out of business. This is as true for troubled marriages as it is for difficult children. Thus, from a financial point of view, the counselor is not necessarily neutral. Although it has happened, it is not likely that a counselor will advise a couple that putting a willful wife over the husband's knee would go a long way toward straightening out their marriage. Yet, for generations before the invention of marriage counseling, this time-tested prescription kept marriages from falling apart. Even if not officially sanctioned, brides were often warned by their mothers and grandmothers that certain behaviors as wives would get them spanked.

I don't know if I can say that a domestic discipline marriage where the husband is head of the household will fix all marital problems and people will live happily ever after, I just know that it appears to be working extremely well for us.

I don't think it's possible to be overly critical of professional marriage counselors. I think their professional subculture is dominated by misandristic feminists. I urge husbands to avoid them like the plague. Going to a pastor of a non-radical church is probably a better idea. I believe pastors would try to help even non-believers save their marriages.

One colossal failing of modern Christianity has been an inability to provide exemplars of marital stability. In large measure, it has undermined Christian witness.

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I am not sure I can relate to the fact that this type of relationship is not abusive. Abuse is carried out in many ways. I understand that your relationship is consensual, so that may not fall into the lines of abuse. But what if the relationship is not consensual? Would it then be considered abuse?

yes, of course that would be abuse - domestic violence, but TiH partners also practice what we call consensual non consent, which is where we consent to practising domestic discipline over all and we give our husbands freedom to decide when we should be disciplined but we do not necessarily consent to each and every individual spanking. That is still not abuse.

I've quite enjoyed reading the TIH articles.....to hear women embrace this lifestyle must be music to men's ears...lol....but even beyond that this must be refreshing for men in that they can finally be MEN, STRONG MEN. So much time has been wasted in our marriage from the constant power struggle.....one day, maybe one day.....

Thanks... I wish you happiness whatever happens in your marriage :o)

I don't think it's a lifestyle that is easy for men at all. Human beings are always testing each other; more I think in TiH or DD than vanilla. Actually it's a lot easier if you are a woman

I respect all lifestyle choices, what I don't get is why even be bothered by negative comments or that some people don't agree? EP is a place to exchange opinions and ideas, for and against. By the way my wife and me have considered this particular lifestyle. I ended up deciding against it. I admire people living as they choose.

Hmm, this story does seem quite aggressive come to think about it. I think I must have had a run in with someone trying to stir up trouble the day I wrote it. We do get a huge amount of negativity and people trolling and after a while, it does wear you down.

The people trolling over and over again just gets to be too much. They seem to feel : "Whenever you dare to speak I'm going to try to shout you down."

My plan now is just to ignore those negative comments and not to get embroiled in it all... try for a happy existance on EP :o)

I am a male living in a taken in hand marrige. It was my idea but my wife is the one in authority.Yes she uses a cane to reinforce the rules but only when she senses I need it. We have been married for 40 years and I love and houner her more now than when we where first married.Dont nock it untill you have tried it

I'm glad you have found what works for you both, that's not a taken in hand marriage though, TiH is and exclusive male led marriage, there are other websites I believe for men in your situation, I've come across some of them but can't list them off the top of my head.

May I ask why tih discriminates against men? Why can't men be the submissive ones in these marriages?

In a word: Testosterone. After puberty, boys and girls react quite differently to spanking. While girls tend to blame their behavior, boys are more inclined to treat spanking as an attack. This explains why, for example even in the supposedly enlightened 21st century, teenage girls are more often spanked than are their make counterparts.

Despite concerted efforts to give the illusion of gender equality, the hormonal differences in men and women cause men to usually be more proactive than women. This is one reason why, until they reach menopause, women often face more challenges to their authority when assuming traditionally male leadership roles. Older generations tend to be more aware of this fact of life than are younger folks.

I don't think teenagers of either sex are spanked in very many families.

@ jane : TIH is about male-led marriages. There are other places to go for people who believe in femdom. There's no reason to expect the TIH people to bring those people under their tent.

Very many or very often doesn't negate the original observation. That teenage daughters get spanked more often than teenage sons is simply the safer bet.

I'm like a guy then as I would treat the spanking like an attack! Lol
For one thing, I rarely feel that I have done anything wrong so a spanking wouldn't inspire feelings of contrite ness or remorse. I would just get angry at him, honest.

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So get this... I live in a major US city, my husband and I both have our masters degrees, we are 29 years old, not very religious, and I am a strong women that has many feminist views. We started this kind of relationship 6 months ago (per my request) and we are so happy now. <br />
1) Our relationship is stronger, <br />
2) we don't fight anymore, <br />
3) I feel less stress, <br />
4) I find my husband so much more sexy, <br />
5) I feel so much more loved and protected, <br />
6) we communicate so much better<br />
The list goes on and on.<br />
Life is great. This is a personal adult choice and for those of you that judge this decision, I am going to encourage you to to do 1 of 2 things: open your mind and educate your self on this topic or see your way our of this conversation (blindly judging others is not a very good habit).

Hello. I'm an intelligent and somewhat feisty woman too, I am definitely not down trodden or abused. I guess most people just see what they want to see though. I would love to admit to others how we live our life, I am not ashamed but can't deal with all the closed minds and criticism so it will always remain behind closed doors. It's so sad because I know we have a much stronger marriage because of this and I am much healthier and happier too. Thanks for sharing Katie, It's lovely to chat to other TiH wives and see how good it has been for you too :o)

The lifestyle is extremely beneficial to me, but I am forced to conclude that I'm the kind of person who responds well to it. I think that not everyone does. The kind of men who can make it work aren't exactly two a penny

A woman would get really upset if her husband treated her disrespectfully in public, but so many wives treat their husbands that way. I suppose they are imitating the wives on TV. They need to stop and think about what they're doing and put themselves in their husbands' shoes. I would suggest that instead of quietly putting up with that crap, husbands should pointedly ask their wives "Would you like it if I treated you that way?"

that is exactly what my husband told me, and jeez... It really made me think. Now, I know I've lot of work ahead, but I'm never disrespectful in public anymore!

Hasehdgdl and robbo21, I urge you to register for the takeninhand.com website and write stories there. That website is suffering from a dearth of new posts, so it needs your contributions. I don't think there would be anything wrong with posting the same stories on both EP and takeninhand.com. The latter site needs new blood.<br />
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Jrbell16, I don't know if you're into Taken In Hand as well as DD. If you are you should consider posting. People should keep in mind that Taken In Hand is not synonymous with DD; it's broader, and emphasizes the husband's responsibilities.

I usually have experience project logged on and am back and forth to the computer in between getting jobs done around the house. I've always thought I would struggle for time to do both so I haven't been on that site for a while now. Maybe I should reconsider if they are in need of fresh posts. I am flattered that you like what i write about CC so thanks :o)

Bravo well stated. Most women would never come to this conclusion on their own. And most man are so lacking in their own responsibilities of being the HOH. Or they are hoh only to the extent that their wives will allow it. That is not being the HOH. Of course there is a greater responsibility for the husband in such a relationship as he has to display greater degrees of love, compassion while dealing out a measured about discipline. <br />
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I remember to this day the first time I took corrective action on my wife’s exposed butt, I remember thinking what this girl/woman needs is a good sound spanking. She was acting so much like a little spoiled brat. Finally it was like a light bulb went off in my head as all of the sudden my hand reached for her arm and the next thing I knew was I was looking at her bare *** laying across my knee. I guess I was lucky in that she had a skirt on so lifting that and getting her panties down even though she had panty hose on must not have been pretty easy. Most women are not going to surrender very easily the first time you try this.<br />
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But from there on after. I knew as did she that this was how it was meant to be and how it was going to be. Our love and desire to please each other just seemed to blossom and grow after that day as we each tried to out love and server the other. Is that even possible? <br />
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As for abuse, I have no feelings for men who punch and slap their wives around. I believe that all men that do that sort of thing should be thrown butt naked into a cage with a 400 pound gorilla so that they can see what it feels like.<br />
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There is such a huge difference between well placed smacks on the bare backside of a women for corrective discipline to that of an abused wife that is used as a punching bag just so her husband can feel like a Big man which he could never be. Please women run as fast as you can from such a relationship.

I would love it if my Husband would just give me a spanking when I need one. At present, it always involves a lecture and then he makes me ask for one. It cannot be abuse because it is so controlled but every TiH marriage is diffferent it seems. I think the way you handle your wife seems fab though :o)

Thank you both. I will copy my post as a story. I'm new to EP, so I was trying to find my way around when I found your story. <br />
It was nice to see that others are around who think the same way. <br />
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I wished I wouldn't have to hide our type of relationship. <br />
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As an engineer I work with a lot of men in the office. Some of the single men talk or I over hear them or they make comments of how they don't want to marry. "all women want is to spend our money, nag and control us". <br />
I think to myself how sad that is, that they think that way. That the women they've met in their lives so far have left such a bad impression that they would rather stay single.<br />
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Women complain that there are no good men. I think you have to be a good woman then you'll get a good man. <br />
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I became a surrendered wife first and we only added TiH aspects after I read about it on here and asked my Husband to take it further by adding some discipline. It really was the best thing I've ever done having my Husband in leadership of my life is making me the person I always wanted to be but have never had the self confidence or discipline to be by myself.

It's just as so many have said before, two people can't lead while dancing, so it is the same with marriage.<br />
One person leads the other follows. Don't get me wrong, it's not like the husband does all the decision making behind the wife's back. Although there are probably some wives who want this. <br />
But normally in a TIH marriage things are talked about, opinions are put on the table, and the man of the house makes the call, and that decision is then final. <br />
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As to the discipline part. Not all TIH marriages practice spanking or DD. it's all up to the couple on how far they want to take it.<br />
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I too have seen marriages that I can't even describe.<br />
My one friend for instance, her husband works 9-10 hour days 6 days a week. <br />
She is a stay at home mom with two children. She has a hobby of horses so most of the day she is in the barn. When he comes home all she did was nag at him that he didn't do that (take out garbage) or do this (wash the dishes) and so on. My hubby and I witnessed it first hand. I felt so bad for him, because she nagged and bitched at him right in front of us.,but he loved her and did put up with it. <br />
We stopped being friends because I just couldn't handle all the bad mouthing she did about him. She would always yell at him to "finally be a man and do something!". I thought working such long hours while she was off riding and enjoying her hobby was alot on his part. She could come home an hour earlier and cook... Right?? <br />
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Anyways, after being with my hubby for 8 years, both having stressfull jobs, I noticed a change in me. I felt like I had the whole weight on my shoulders, not just from work, but also at home and it was getting to me. I found myself starting to sound like my ex-friend!!! Horror!! I did not want that to happen. I started not only being a dragon but felt like one too. I felt like a ugly nag.<br />
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I found TIH and somehow it just seemed to appeal to me. He would have the say and that freed me up from the responsibility at home. One weight less on my shoulde.<br />
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Then I wanted to try the DD part of it. I never fantasied about being a naughty girl, and still don't. But some how it felt deep inside right. I felt like an ancient part of me was wanting to come out. I wanted to submit. Again this has nothing to do with domestic abuse. I wanted him to be the caveman and take me by my hair and pull me into the bedroom kind of like...<br />
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Anyways, when I get into that baggy bitchy mood, and I've driven him past his patience point he tells me to go to the bedroom. I obey and wait there for him. The anticipation builds. When he spanks me it hurts but all that anger and bitchyness goes away. When he's done I feel like a weight has been lifted and my love for him feels deeper. He cares enough to want to correct things. <br />
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I remember once he said about Kim K. that she belonged spanked and put into place. I got jealous!!! My first thought was sure she looks hot, guys would love to have her over their knee! I told him why her and not me? Am I not hot enough?? Did I start to look like the dragon now too??<br />
When he takes me and spanks me, I feel like the hot chick that all guys want over their knee and not some angry ugly nagging dragon. <br />
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Since we practice DD and TIH, we not only fight less, our sex life has bloomed way past anything I've ever expierenced with anyone and we are both happy. <br />
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I wish more people would think about it. I hear women say Never would I want that. But then they read love stories of knights who stole the young maiden against her will and made passionate love to her.<br />
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Oh I have my passionate love now!!! And it's wonderful!!

I loved your post, it describes me really well.

You should write what you've written here as your own story. I really identified with everything you've said and really enjoyed reading it. I know what you mean about other married couples who don't share this, there are so many friends of mine who I struggle to watch belittle their husbands and then they wonder why the love and "spark" isn't there any more. I so often want to scream at them why but then I really would have no friends lol. People cannot comprehend that we would have such blessed marriages and can't see why DD would bring a couple closer but it really does so much.

Spanking Kim Kardashian. Mmm...That's quite a thought....

It is SO interesting to read every post about this! Really, it gives lot to think.<br />
I was just thinking that we are both professionals, and obviously equal in many ways. I'm sure nobody could ever guess what goes on in the privacy of our room. I have a strong character, and can do everything I want to. The difference is that I try to be a better person for him, that he is my main concern and focus. I feel ashamed when I'm disrespectful, and never proud -as many women seem to be after a good retort or a nasty remark in front of everybody, my mother included, no less!-<br />
I like lo think that he is the CEO of these business, called family. I try to be the best in my own position. He expects my best, obviously. He is proud of every skill and demanding to keep me in the best of performance.

I like your thinking CEO, you would never be disrespectful to your boss so why should you to your Husband?

yes, I wonder how many of my friends are much more respectul to their bosses than to their own husbands. And it is not because of fear of being fired. A lot seem to admire them and are proud to be part of the team. It is only natural to be in a hiercharchy between colegues, and to be respectful and submit to a boss. Why it is so easy to return home and transform yourselve into a complete witch to the man you chose to spent the live with? I am just working in this myself, but I think that any woman seeking for a happier marriage should consider these.

Hi, I too love being taken in the Hand by my husband. We had a normal relationship until I got up the nerve to tell him that I really wished he would take control. He's controlling by nature but never really used it completely on me. <br />
We talked about it and he said we could try it. In fact he kind of liked the thought that he'd have the final say. <br />
He is not very strict, I wish he were a bit stricter, but it seems the more I show my submissive side the stronger he becomes. He is a good man and does not abuse his rights that I have given him over me.<br />
I'm a grown woman with an engineering degree. I work all day in a mans world and love it that I can come home and be totally feminine. <br />
Anyways what I wanted to say with that, is that I'm not some young girl who is being molded into that direction by anyone. I've traveled the world and lead teams in projects at work. <br />
I'm also not a weak woman, standing at 5'11" I think I can be a good fight. <br />
I love it when my hubby shows me his strength and power it makes me finally feel like a woman. <br />
I admit part of it is sexual, but part of it is not. <br />
I can understand where some people do not see the line between this and abuse. That was the first concern my hubby had. He said he didn't feel the need to slap around the woman he loved. I had to explain to him that this is not what that is about at all.<br />
I can also assure anyone, I am not male. <br />

I think that like all relationships, a TiH one can become abusive if not kept in balance. There is give and take required on both sides and that is what people often don't see if they don't have this sort of relationship.

I agree with the author. Great when it's consensual and makes the bond between two people stronger, and I have absolutely no problem with that. It's when it's NOT consensual that it's a problem. I know someone who is unfortunate enough to be in that position. I don't think she will ever be free. That things like this happen sicken me. What a mockery of both love and the way of life that the author lives by.<br />
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Anyway, the moral of the story is that both of these situations do exist, and it is important not to confuse one with the other.

I agree, I've read stories that appear in my eyes to be abusive. They are not taken in hand if it is not consensual, however, there are many women who enjoy consensual non consent. I know that sounds very confusing but they want to put up a fight and be over powered by their man. That is also totally different.

Feigned resistance has long been noted as a commonplace female behavior in the bedroom.

I have had a lot of curiosity about this, and your story has helped me shed new light on the subject, thank you.

I am very grateful for my husband! My loving, gentle, sweet husband who believes in compromise and equality. Any time I'm angry at him, I just come on here and read some of these stories and I once again fall more deeply in love with him. I just really don't agree with this, in fact I'd say i am quite disturbed by it. I told my hubby about this and he laughed he thinks half of you are men and the other half are doing it for sexual kinks.<br />
I will not be posting anymore as I fear I may start disrespecting and hurting feelings. I will only post if I feel a woman is in dire need of help.<br />
Take care,<br />

In one ranking, being spanked by a man was one of women's top ten sexual fantasies. There's no evidence that the TIH and the female spanking posters are males in disguise.

I enjoy being spanked and dominated during sex too, but sex is not real life, sex is fantasy. Anyway I guess each to their own, I really do not mean to disrespect any of these women.

hi Jane. I totally understand that this is not for everyone, but for me I have found it to be only positive. I can wholely asure you that I am not a man (you can test me any way you wish on this, I'm sure that I'll pass lol) secondly, I am open to a very in depth discussion about this way of life and how I feel I have benefited from it if you would like to message me with any questions. I am sad that you are disturbed by it because although it is unconventional, provided that thinks are handled fairly and everyone understands their boundaries, I believe it can strengthen a marriage.

Hi Robbo, thank you, I will try to be open minded.

A woman would get really upset if her husband treated her disrespectfully in public, but so many wives treat their husbands that way. I suppose they are imitating the wives on TV. They need to stop and think about what they're doing and put themselves in their husbands' shoes.

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Great post.....I almost feel like I could have written it.....I too love my dominant man. I have never felt as loved and cared for. I don't have to worry or stress about anything. He is a take control person and doesn't waffle back and forth about anything. He makes a decision and sticks too it. I on the other hand take forever to decide anything (it used to drive him crazy) but now he makes the decision. He always listens to my opinions and considers my feelings always but he makes the final decision and thats it. I have found out first hand what pouting or complaining when I don't get my way will get me......and believe me its not pleasant and my bum is very sorry by the time he is done "showing me the error of my ways"....I usually am warned - just once in most cases- that if I don't stop he'll give me a licking....and if I don't he does. It doesn't take many slaps to realize I should have behaved. This is seriously the best relationship I have ever been in and I know its because there is someone leading....its not for everyone but it works for us.

awww, your Husband sounds like mine :o)

Wow, it sounds like your marriage, Robbo and her husband's and mine and my husband's marriages are all very similar. You took the words right out of my mouth with your post CompassionateGirl. Also I must say that when I get mouthy or bratty with him, after he's put me over his knee and given me a very red butt, I'm so much more calm and happy despite my crying as he's spanking me. Afterward he always wipes my tears away and the lovemaking is always terrific too. By nature he's a very dominant man and I can be a bit of a scatterbrain, but the natural order is for the husband to wear the pants of the family and for the wife to support and obey him which is the way it is in our household.

I totally understand everything u r saying. I am always on my best behavior, I see and hear how some wives talk to there husband and I am shock how the wives talk and how the husband respone.

I often see that too and I wonder why a man would take such disrespect from his wife, but just like us, they are free to choose their own way of life, I try not to judge them so I hope that people can accept my choices one day too.

I am always loving to my hubby, only when he starts nagging and critisizing me do I let him hear it!

Hooray for you, i feel absolutely the same way

Thank you for putting my feelings into words! We are very happy in our DD relationship. We almost never fight yet still maintain a high level of love and passion. I listen to my girlfriends complain about their marriages and I wish we lived in a society where I could openly tell them to try DD and not be judged.

Maybe one day :o)

Beautifully put and I wish you every happiness. <br />
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The world should recognise that NOTHING is one size fits all and two people have the right to live in whatever way suits them best. Stay happy.

Thankyou :o)

All I can say is so true and I am glad that my husband cares enough about me to take the time needed for a taken in hand marriage.

This really is not how most men relate women. How could you possibly feel cared for? My feelings would be terribly hurt if my husband tried this on me. You are grown women, no need to be spanked. Your husband has NO RIGHT to do this.

If there are women who feel they need to be spanked, it's wrong to accuse ther husbands of being bad people for doing it. But Jane, spanking is not a required part of TIH.

I asked him to do it. It's not always about being disciplined. It's so much more complex than that.


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Good story, needed. I think you should update it to mention that introducing domestic discipline was your idea.

Yes, domestic discipline was MY IDEA!!!!!!!

And how did you go about explaining this dynamic to your husband?

We had a long talk about it. I was already a surrendered wife at this point but it was mostly lead by me and I wanted to be more accountable to him. I showed him the TiH site and a few of the stories on here that had inspired me and we went gradually from there starting with him being more authorative and then one day he just plucked up the courage to spank me. We haven't looked back. I think there are alot of women who would really benefit from their husbands spanking them, I know that sounds awful for me to say but it isn't as harsh and brutal as people think. I feel it helps me be a better person and I wouldn't want life to be any other way.

thank you, thank you thank you...
you knew that something wasn't right. you also had the courage to make the changes.
i applaud you.

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Thankyou. I wish more people understood how happy we are, then maybe they would be less quick to judge. I accept this isn't right for everyone and everyone has their choice in that but it has worked wondeers for us and I wouldn't have it any other way now :o)

Exactly, This should not be confused in any way with domestic violence and it really annoys me that it is.

Well said! I'm glad you and your husband have found the lifestyle beneficial. I figure, with how high the divorce rate is, people should be more open to and respectful of different arrangements. Especially if it works for the couple.

Wow!!!! Great post!!!!!!!

Thankyou :o)