Him

I was just a small child when he did it.
I'm sixteen now, so I guess you could say that technically I still am a small child. 
But he took that from me. He took away the fun I used to have jumping on the trampoline. Now I just lie on it, thinking of absolutely nothing and looking at the sky. You know something I noticed? The sky doesn't look the same after something bad happens. It always seems less blue than it was the day before, until eventually it turns an ugly grey and it makes your heart clench in your chest just to look at it. I've tried closing my eyes when I think about him, but it never helps. All I see is him. Ever. Try to imagine looking at the face of the man who ripped your innocence away with just a single touch in the wrong area on your body everywhere you go. Spoiler alert! It sucks. 
I finally told someone just a little after my 14th birthday. Next thing I knew, I was sitting face to face with him in a court room, with his fate on the tip of my tongue.
"Can you point out the man you're making these accusations towards?"
And there he was, at the tip of my index finger as I revealed the monster to the room of people. This time as I looked at him, it didn't hurt. Because this time, I was controlling it. I could see him because I wanted to, not because his face was stapled to a wall somewhere in the back of my brain. 
He got ten years. 
So why don't I feel any better?
He's sitting in a prison cell hundreds of miles away from me, and I still can't jump on that damn trampoline without looking up at that ugly grey sky and wondering, "why did he choose me?" 
Out of all the little girls out there, he chose me. He looked at me, and he thought, "Man, that one looks good enough. Maybe I'll just waltz over and completely **** her up in the head for the rest of her life. That sounds so much better than getting a life of my own." 
I always thought that maybe I looked at him wrong. Maybe I gave him the wrong idea. Maybe he thought I liked it, so he kept on. 
But then I stopped thinking, "Maybe this, maybe that!" 
Maybe nothing. Maybe I'm actually not the one to blame here.
Maybe it's him.
Or maybe it's that damn ugly sky and that stupid trampoline. 

Beverlybones Beverlybones
18-21, F
2 Responses Dec 3, 2012

Oh hon, I don't even know if I have the words to say to give any comfort. Even though I don't know the details of who did this to you, my older brother did things to me when I was a kid. I'm 30 years old and only a few weeks ago told my mom because my brothers basically a perverted *********. Committed statutory rape at 24, got away with it, married the girl and had 4 kids with her. She had my neice at 14, ****** her up cuz didn't get to live a normal teenage life. I tried to file away the memories of what he did and not think about it, but recent events have them bothering me. Even though it's a tragic event, you have a way with words.Keep your chin up sugar.

friend hello..............although i dont know u but i will always support u............
some people didnt read this story but i read it and reading it ..........the cruelity did by that demon ,it bought tears to my eyes really friend the one mistake can spoil ones life i will always be with u..........................
were u not aware of what he is doing ?
sorry to ask u that friend............
if u dont mind add me as friend so i can talk to u............................