My First Love, Taken Away...

It could of all been so beautiful, so perfect, but at the same time it felt too good to be true... I've never felt a love like this before, in all of my 25 years of life. Ending up with a person that you connect with, that you bond with, that you can't see yourself living one of the greatest feelings on earth. But having that ALL taken away from you, by the drop of a dime....because of someone else's selfish emotions, is just as powerful of a feeling....

We met in August of 2010. I knew from that moment on, we were going to be something special. I never met a guy that made me feel the way he did, I felt so comfortable around him. I could completely be myself without hiding anything or pretending to be someone I wasn't, just genuinely me and he loved me for that (so I thought....). It happened to be a long distance relationship, at the time he lived in Florida and I resided in New York. Regardless of what, we knew we wanted to be together so we did whatever was in our power to make it work. But I was the one doing all of the traveling and flying down south just to be with him.

I didn't mind because it was such an exciting feeling to be on that plane, knowing I'm going to be with my love, knowing that I was going to be spending time with someone that made me feel so happy. I felt so beautiful because that's how he made me feel. He happened to be 2 and a half years younger than me, but I certainly didn't let that minor age difference effect our relationship, even though it has been said that women mature way faster than guys, so his 22 at the time, could have very well been the mindset of a teenager? I'm not too sure. But all I know is that he really made me feel special. And I made sure in return I did the same for him. I showed him the type of love that I have never showed anyone else before.

I was always affectionate, gave him kisses just because, and lots of random moments where I would just stare at him and he'd ask with a smirk "why are you staring at me?" and I'd reply "because I love you so much and I can't ever see myself without you" and he'd kiss me on the forehead.

We had the type of relationship that wasn't flashy. The smallest things would make us both happy. Whether it would be a picnic at the beach, or dinner and a netflix movie in the house cuddled under a blanket. I loved every single moment of time with him. And I thought he felt the same.

He would bring me around his family, showed me off to his sisters. He was a very family oriented person and that was so sweet and special to me. To be with a guy who had no problem showing his affection in public, or to his family. That made me feel like he was the one.

Some days he'd looked me in the eye and would say things like "I can't wait until you become the mother of my children. I want us to have a massive wedding, somewhere in the Caribbean, with both of our families and friends in attendance." I really looked forward to all of that and more. I could honestly say that he was the ONLY guy that EVER made me feel like this. The only guy that I actually wanted to have my first child with and the only guy that I saw marriage with.

Some days I'd be alone, thinking to myself... "I must be the luckiest woman on earth to be with such an amazing guy..He loves his family, he has absolutely no problems showing me off, he expresses to me how he feels about me on a daily basis, what could possibly go wrong? He's the man of my dreams"

He quit his job. I actually encouraged him not to do that until he found something better, he didn't listen and quit anyway. So he was without a job for a long time. As the loyal woman that I am, that didn't change the way I felt for him, nor did I look at him any different. I did what any woman that stands by her man would do, I stood by him and helped him out with whatever he needed. What was mines was most certainly his, and OURS.

Things took a turn for the worse. He moved back in with his mother. Initially, I didn't think this was such a bad idea because I figured it would be temporary until he got on his feet. He would ask me to come visit him at his moms house and swore she actually extended the invite herself. So, I would visit him there. I would stay weeks at a time. Things started to fall apart for me and him. We always argued, finances weren't right, his mother was ALWAYS in our business, and the overall vibe in that househould just felt all wrong. There was no happiness. His mother was going through her own issues with her husband of the time, so apart of me felt strongly that she only wanted her son to move back in with her so she won't feel "lonely". She treated him like a child. Scolded him about how he dressed, and always felt a way when he'd spend time with me and not her.

There were days where he'd say "babe let's go for a drive, and let's go look at some apartments" and we'd do just that. We would do alot of apartment hunting, and moving in together was HIS idea. I had no problems with it because I loved him so much and I thought it would be a great idea. His mom saw us looking for places and would say slick things like "hmm, are you sure you two are ready for that?" as if WE were children. We would continue to look anyway.

Alot of times, she'd call him into another room to speak privately to him. I never knew what they'd talk about, and I never would ask. Because evidently it wasn't my business. But I saw that as fishy. Suspected that alot of those conversations were about me. Maybe she felt her son was moving too fast, maybe she didn't want to see him happy. Who knows. But this is when things got ugly. He finally got a new job. The job called him and wanted him to start immediately. So what did that mean? Time for me to go back home. So what he did was tell me that he booked my flight back home and that he would be working on getting "our" own apartment so that the next time I come down, I won't have to worry about his mom being all up in our relationship.

He dropped me off at the airport, and WHO would know that, that would be the last time I have ever saw him again?

Not to mention, the ride to the airport, felt very long, cold, and he barely said anything to me. I kissed him and told him that I loved him so much and couldn't wait to see him again. He kissed me on the forehead and gave me a long hug. Then I went on to catch my flight.

I called him as soon as I got home. Things seemed fine. He told me about his new job and how great it was. We even started making plans for my next visit. The next day? didn't go so great. He didn't answer any of my calls the entire day. I felt really weird about that, because there's something entirely wrong about going from speaking to your siginficant other every day, to not hearing from them AT ALL. I got worried, got frantic, cried alot. He finally called me back, and the only thing he could say to me was "why were you calling me so much?" that really made my heart drop because I couldn't understand WHY he would say that. I said "I was worried about you that's why. You told me to call you when you got off work, and I got no answer for 7+ entire hours, and for you to ask why I was calling you so much, means you saw my calls, therefor your phone was not dead. so what's going on?"

His excuses were so horrible, so disgusting and silly. Things that never stopped him from responding to me before. "I was driving, it was raining, there was traffic" So I asked "so you mean to tell me, these same things that have NEVER stopped you from communicating with me before, all of a sudden is a reason why you couldnt send a simple text "I'll call you later babe, I'm driving"? He got quiet. He got an attitude and said "man...I'll call you after dinner".

He definitely called me after dinner. and his only words to me were " I don't want this any more". I figured it was just a bad day at work that had him feeling that way, so I questioned what was the matter? he kept saying "I don't want this anymore...I don't want this relationship anymore" I began to cry. I cried like I never cried before because I didn't know why he was saying such hurtful things to me out of nowhere. All I could do was beg and plead and ask if he was just upset at the moment? he would say "no. I don't want this relationship anymore" and I would ask "why? what did I do?" and he replied with the coldest thing you could ever say to someone that you JUST told the night before that you loved them. He replied "because I just don't love you anymore". So I asked "so you mean to tell me, that you woke up over night
feeling this way?" he replied "yeah, I have been feeling this way, just didn't know how to tell you. and I didn't want to have this argument in my mothers house which is why I told you over the phone".... makes me feel like he played me.

I was hurt,confused, I felt sick. wanted to vomit. So many mixed emotions were running through my body, even thoughts of suicide. I didn't know what to feel. I could not eat, I would sleep all day on purpose just to keep myself from being awake and thinking about it.

How could someone I wanted to spend the rest of my life with, all of a sudden wake up one night and tell me that he didn't love me anymore? I just couldnt figure it out. I'd ask questions like "is it me? is it my weight? please tell me, I want to fix it, please don't do this to us". he didn't budge, he didn't care. he was just so cold. too cold honestly. All I could think it was, is that at his new job, he met someone that he was interested in and wanted to deal with them instead of me.

Even that confused me because I figured how could love make someone all of a sudden drop you like a bad habit? which leaves me to believe that all those times he told me he loved me, he didn't mean it. Me on the other hand? After an entire year later, of no communication what so ever, I still love this guy. Might not be the same love but I still love him. Which proves to me that true love never dies, and for a person to be able to tell me that they don't love me? means they never did.

I always question myself, beating myself up wondering if it was something I did wrong? Because I just couldn't figure it out.

As soon as he broke up with me, it took him NO time to remove our relationship status off of facebook, took him NO time to delete our photos together, and definitely took him no time to start flirting with other females, taking girls out on dates and all types of other disrespectful stuff that didn't seem like HIM. How could someone go from being the perfect one for me, to coming off as a complete douche?

So from this day on, I still wonder why he did what he did to me and the way he did it over the phone was so cowardly. That's why I feel my true love was taken away. An entire year+ has went by and I still find myself thinking about him. Reminiscing about the good times. Almost all of the hatred I had towards him hasĀ disappeared.Ā 

He was my true love, but I know for a fact that I wasn't his.... I always wonder, if he'll realize what he lost. But then I begin to feel like, a person like him could realize and still not care.

I wonder if I'll ever love again....
mrowe718 mrowe718
26-30, F
12 Responses Jan 15, 2013

Men can be such jerks..... i think this proves that men DO IN FACT mature slower than women. Because if he truly was mature, he would have a least broke up with you in person. And he wouldn't have flirted so soon.after a relationship. I think this proves that you may have only been a way to get girls to notice him. Slutty girls who only want what they can't get their hands on...... this makes me sick thinking bout it....

This is a very sad story ....I cried for you while reading it.

I wish you luck I've been in or I am in your shoes ... Good luck moving on

I saw your EP question, so I am here reading your story.
I don't really know what to tell you, girl.
But here:

"Might not be the same love but I still love him. Which proves to me that true love never dies"

"I always question myself, beating myself up wondering if it was something I did wrong? Because I just couldn't figure it out."

This blog has help me on my darkest moment, I hope it can help you too.
Even though I'm still trying to get over a guy after 1 and a half year, but its getting better

wow !! Awesome,,i thought i was alone ,,having experienced this ,,thanks for shaing,,opens a liitle light at the end of my tunnel :)

I'm a bit late, however I can say that I definitely can feel the relation in my own story.

The two year difference, the long distance relationship, the True Love Given, but never fully received...

That saying, "I just don't love you anymore"... except in my case, there was another person involved and even knowing that we were together, and him having been in a 3 year long relationship before, still didn't understand why we were together; hell, he told me that after he had drunkenly kissed her.

It's still pretty fresh in my mind. I'm glad though that you shared this because some folks comments on this situation... gosh. Seriously, thank you for sharing this. I honestly thought my situation was a unique one but you described the details and also the feelings... just right.

We will find True Love. True, Faithful, Compassionate, Mature, Devoted, Joyful, Everlasting Love. I know we will.

Men do not think like women in relationships. Long distant relationships do not work. He sounds immature and you sounded like you were ready for marriage. What a difference 2 years can make when it is in the early 20's. the guy probably liked the attention you gave him but over time it works less and less.

I am learning the hard way that men think very differently about relationships. My own husband of 13 years has declared he doesn't want to be married anymore.... When we only had 4 marriage counseling sessions and we both had vowed that we would work through anything that came our way. I trusted this man with my life, he was my best friend, it was like he decided overnight that he didn't love me the same way any more.

Men do not understand most of the time that relationships evolve and do not stay in that chemical ridden passionate state for long. Men become serial monogamists. Chasing that chemical-ridden "love high" that blinds people to the truth. Men are an enigma. They lie, cheat, while wearing a winning smile and telling you "I love you." I suggest that you count your lucky stars you didn't marry this guy and invest more time in him before he became a "Mr. Hyde." I would have done many things differently if I had known that my husband would make the current choices he is making.

I'm very sorry to hear that about your marriage, and I thank you for sharing that with me. It must be very hard, to deal with something like that. It hurts me to know that someone you trust with you life, could be the very first person to turn their back on you and leave you hurting the worst hurt ever felt.

I think u r hard to move on cz he didnt give u a satisfied explanation. Have u tried to do a kind of investigation?

I did all of the investigating I could do when he first broke up with me, because his excuses didn't sit well, eventually you get tired of searching. but ofcourse his actions provided much proof that his words were pretty much still lies. trying to comfort me with lies to avoid telling me his real reasons for breaking up with me, which was simply to deal with other females. so instead of flat-out saying that, he pinned it all on me. "it's your fault, you need to work on yourself". I couldn't believe he said those things to me, in the end, it was all lies. things to make the breakup easier on himself. to feel as if he didn't do me wrong.

Forget kid like that. Start ur new life with new hope n dreams

First of all, I want to thank you for sharing of this deep pain.

Your feelings are not silly, just needing more information. Feelings are so fickle. They can take you in a roller coaster ride, up to Heavens, then down to the deepest pit.

I have dealt with this type of situation before and it is crazy making. I know you very much want to experience true love. So much so that it creates inside you a desire to make things what you wish them to,be and not what they are.

The problem with this is that you forget who the first person God gave to you to love, yourself. Sometimes, we can want something so much, we compromise who we are to try to make something be what it is not.

Your love, that you gave, was real, worthy, priceless. That love is still inside of you. His inability to receive it, honor it, and work through his own inner conflicts, is no reflection upon your beauty, only his limitations.

He did give you a gift through. He helped you see that you are looking for far more than he is able to ever give you.

You are searching for a sense of joy in being yourself, man or not around. This pain is a calling of your inner being to rise up and embrace the delightful woman you are.

If you are honest with yourself, you will admit that you had signs along the way you chose to ignore. That is not, does not mean you are a bad or weak person, it just makes you human.It gives you some more information about how you operate, and to be more aware in the future when you do not listen to the inner quiet voice inside you, honor it, you may be in for more pain than need be.

You were willing to give far more than he was to make this work. His level of conflict was so intense that he did not possess the maturity or strength of character to build a life with you.

This is very good information to have. He is not the only man in the world. That is also good news!

You want devoted love, faithful true love. The first place to look is in your spirit. Invest in you. Not self-concerned selfishness, but in your purpose here, on planet earth.

Spend time exploring your passions, spent whatever money you have on what you love. Is it art,music, horses, dancing, writing...spent time writing about what brings you true joy that doesn't depend on someone else's response.

Life is short. People eventually leave, even in the most perfect companionship, people die.

Find ways to make your life fun and joyful for you.

Your sense of self worth and joy in life comes from your choices, not someone else's. I know you value his opinion, but you must also admit that he choose to let you down, and pass up something wonderful.

A year has passed. The fact you remember the sweet things with and about him is not a bad thing. Those feelings felt wonderful, and you naturally want them back. It is so easy to forget the things that were not working out, that hurt you about him.

I wish you much love in your life. I know it is hard to imagine moving forward, but you will. If you are enjoying your life, it won't matter what he does or doesn't do in his life. Let him go create pain somewhere else.

thank you so much. I really appreciate your very kind and detailed response.
I will definitely remember all of this.


Seriously, being in the a similar situation, these words...

Extremely profound. Thank you very much for sharing.

There is no doubt, this is brutal. Sorry for your experience.

I am sure you'll here a wealth of experiences from other Peeps, with similar heartwrenching tales that are real life stories. I am one of them as well.

Having someone leaving you with no explanation, only gives you an immeasurable amount of hurt and confusion. I totally understand and have been there.

You will love again, I am sure. Provided you don't shut the world out as I have done for so long now.

I wish you well...

thank you very much

You're welcome.

Awwww i almost cried u may not want to hear my advice considering my age but im in love with my first love still its been 3years and yes im only 16 but i understand it hurts the words he told me replay in my mind everyday eachtime they sting even worse ive moved on a year after but i still love him and i want him back. Your story to me it sounds like you did everything you could for him that you loved him deeply and he just wasnt as seriously involved as you and its his lost you sound like a great gf that any man should be glad to have and im hoping that you find a guy who deserves you and truly loves you for all your flaws and perfections and that next time it ends happily

The saying goes, people come and go and this is one of those situations.
You will learn from this potentially, think about why all of those strifes and mishaps occurred.
Neither are you at fault however believe me its all misunderstandings overpowering empathy and compassion for another, arguments are the result of people looking in a mirror, they reflect back upon themselves then recoil at the opposite image, you're basically fighting with yourself when you're arguing with someone else. Best way to prevent future arguments is to understand where the other is coming from first, be selfless and forget your feelings/problems to help that person out.

And as for love that will happen again, give yourself time to heal and recover yourself from your experience, its like this piece of writing I conjured up:

To love someone means you're always on their minds, they hold your hand and they step through heaven and hell with you no matter the danger or imperious demise that may await you.

To love someone means to always be their supportive pillar and be their sword and shield upon the rise of an attack, to stand in front of them and receive all impact and decimation that careen in their line of extinction.

To love someone means to connect and form that relationship that surpasses all others beyond labels and figurations.

To love someone is granting them the power to destroy you or reformat you at will but hoping they resist the temptation and just accept and love you for who you are.

To love someone means to comfort them when they are in pain or filled with worry and doubt, to reassure them everything is okay because they aren't alone and they are safe in your embrace of solace.

To love someone means you are willing to die for them physically, mentally, spiritually and emotionally without hesitation.

To love someone ultimately means to reciprocate all the things they do for you and give them more back, and allow them to do the same in equalization.

People must know how to freely open themselves to love or they will only fill their glass half full instead of being able to drink the full glass of euphoria, the key to love is your heart and it never beats in the wrong rhythm.

Dance to it and you will feel the freedom of unconditional grace, love, acceptance and futuristic bliss.

You will love again,you have been terribly hurt and feel you have been betrayed,this man was immature,his mother was possessive and manipulative,she will carry on meddling in his relationships as long as he allows her to,(I have a niece who is the same with her two sons,they have no life of their own).You might not realise this now or even want to think about it but you are better off without him,he does even appear to know his own mind and can easily be swayed one way or the other,he lacks character, you can do better than him for yourself,a man who treats you that way,who has so little care for how you feel and is so fickle whould not have made you happy in the long run.You are young and have your whole life ahead of you,do not waste any more of your precious time on this guy who has already forgotten about you and you are well rid of the mother too,believe me,there would always have been three people in that relationship!.A lot of happiness is waiting for you in the future,this experience must have taught you something and what to avoid in the future.There are good men out there and one is waiting for you.Take care.

thank you very much for your kind words, I truly appreciate it.
great advice.