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I've Moved On Dont Worry But A Part Of Me Still Wishes

I know that person is supposed to be your parent, but sometimes they are the worst. I thought the Brady Bunch was mocking me and my pain. I was told that if God loved me he would save me instead of sitting up there laughing. I know that is not true of course but there is still a part of me that wishes someone would have saved me when I was a kid, and a teen.

jensenlver jensenlver 36-40, F 6 Responses Feb 1, 2010

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I liked what you said in the comments jensenlver. I was thinking about this today. If anything I'd love to go back in time and just let my younger self know it's going to be alright. Just to let me know the rough parts don't last and they won't bring me down forever. I know nothing could make people change or treat someone better but just that would have brought some comfort. I know that as the years go by, we've learned and lived and fought some tough battles...but we still would have liked some support, some help, someone to pick us up when we are down...especially when you were a kid. I know I think that at times.

I am so sorry for all you went threw I felted the same way bout what all happend to me.

i went threw what you have been threw but with both of my parents . i too had wished some one would have saved me but i hurd from my grand mother she would say hun we didnt know . well lots of people live on deninal street dont they , they cant see what they dont eknowllage she could see what was going on

thats why she would pick us up on the weekends i think she knew . i think many of my family knew but that was eccepted back in those damn days . but what i do to heal is iam still in councling iam 45 years old and i keep a look out for the little ones around me and belive me ive got a big mouth , i dont just set back and say there go i by the grace of god i protect the little ones not the abusers . so many wifes enable the abusers by keeping quiet. (((huggss))))

I also have been to shrinks on and off for my entire life. I wish my sister would have gone, but everyone deals with things their own way. Sometimes the mind can be a wonderful thing, as in my case I don't even remember lots of things that happened as a child. Unfortunately some I do, and when it gets to the point where I can't help myself, that's when I know I need to go see someone. Also unfortunately this economy is so bad It's been quite a few years since I've been able to talk to anyone. I never believed in making friends because I always knew they would only hurt me. I can count on one hand the people I trust and they are in my family. There were five of us kids, and one of my younger brother died 2 days before he turned 36, but before he died he told me he knew it was going to happen because he had our fathers name. Two of my other brothers I have nothing to do with, so there's really just my sister, daughter and two grandkids. Maybe more later, I've never talked to strangers about any of this, but when I saw this forum, I was interested in what, if anything it could provide or help me with.

Thanks for listening.

Unfortunately not everyone gets a savior. I wish I had one on several occasions. But I notice, with some disdain, that because I didn't have one I feel the need to try and be someone elses. I more easily see the pain around me, see the wrongness in others, have stronger convictions and moral's than others, and am more willing to help and listen to others because I see myself in so many of them. I don't understand the gross incompetence of the people around me when I was growing up or even now for that matter. It still hurts to think about. The only thing I can do is try my best not to let it happen to anyone else. And as much as I hate to say it or have it said to me, "If not for all the bad things that happen to you in life, you would not have learned all you have and become the person that you are today." Kids that grow up with NO obstacles of any kind do not make the greatest adults. Not that I am excusing anyone, but some lessons are only learned through experience. Unfortunately, our experiences just seem to eclipse other peoples in a way that some find hard to understand. What I am trying to say is that sometimes you have to be someones elses light to be able to keep your own lit. And I empathize.

Well things will be ok. The best thing about a child hood like this is it is temporary. It can be good to start looking at what you want to do with yourself for a career, or as a person, where to live, ect. get good grades and go to school so you can make it happen. Dont bury your feelings in substances or other people because it just creates a prison that you have to dig out of before you do all the things we just talked about lol. I am going back to school for my third degree in college n its cool cuz its something I actually want to learn and it will help me have a better n better life. These thing ARE under your control. The things that are not we have to just try to forgive and not repeat in our own lives.

And stay spiritual, it will help you during all the bad times. I follow the Tao de Ching myself.

yeah i understand too, im hoping anyday my mom will come by and pick me up and we could go somewhere. most of the time my only companions are two cats and God. as much as i know God is with me (ive experienced his powers), i still want someone who can talk to me and tell me everythings going to be ok. i keep waiting but nothings happening, no ones coming.

You are defiently not alone! I completly understand what your sayin, & i feel your pain! Yes,i am so grateful that my past is just my past & i am extremely lucky that i no longer have to love it. I am a much better & happier person today however my past still haunts me,it hurts that my own family had a fair idea what i was going threw in my home life but nobody stood up 4 me & 'saved' me! I had 2 save myself when i was old enough 2 do so..i just have 2 move on & focus on the future now. Please take care