I Should Be Dead

with people who meet me say i have a great life at 19 Years old, and sadly i had to  watch as all my family died im the youngest in my family so it was bound to happen i grew up in a Massachusetts with my mother and only had 1 friend, he was my best friend who saved me many times. after all the family i lost including my uncle and two cousins and grandmother nothing seemed okay, then times grew tough with my mother working 3 jobs just to try and support me and her my father left before i was born, so we moved out of that town never to return but when my best friend was killed by a drunk driver i lost everything that had meaning to me. he was the only person i could turn to in my life and all i wanted to do was take his place and die knowing he would be better off in life then me, i know alot of people would say im being dumb about it, my cousin was gone and were do i turn now all i have left is to die being the most useless person alive shrinks dont help they just write notes for more medication that make it worse all i need is to find a direction to go in now and no one that can guide me there religion was never anything to me, and i feel out of place in public.

what do i do now?
itsallover itsallover
18-21, M
1 Response Jul 14, 2010

What do you want to do now? Theres only two choices, going on with life or not going on with life. I know how you feel, i am also young and sometimes feel as though my life is going nowhere, but i've stuck around, waiting to see what will happen, a part of me hoping to see if things would get better. I know what its like to feel you've lost everything, and its never easy to get your life back on track, but one thing i have tried which sort of helps is distraction. Try keeping yourself busy, maybe find work or go to school, try a hobbie, blah blah. I dont know if you're already doing these things, but time seems to go a little faster when you have stuff to do. You will meet many people and maybe someday come across someone who will be your new best friend