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Can I Survie

To day was the  worst day of my life, Fist off I have bipolar for about 14 year take tons of meds for that. Then about a moth ago I was told I had a minor sroke. Ok I was dealing in my own way, then the big bang!  I fell hittting my head so hard that I woke up not knowing anyone. Not my kids.huband, not even myself.  Everything I have learned so far I have learned from my family. Fast forward to today, I was told I had a sister who was my bff (ya right)  her and my husband I found out have been talkig behind my back, saying nasty thing about me. How could people who love you and swear they will protect you do something l.ikw that. I have 3 kids that won't even talk to me and if they do they act as if im stupid.  How many times can I say I am sorry to them to make them understand I didn't mean this to happen?  I feel traped in my own brain, they say I like something whren I say no it starts a war. I don't want to keep going on like this, I told my sister and husband I hated them today and havevt seen my kids. What kind of life is this? Its not a like at all. Should I just end it all or what its a battle im losing im so tired! Any amswers soon?
miznori miznori 36-40, F 13 Responses Jan 3, 2011

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There are a few free movies I would suggest you see online as well go to google and type in "what the bleep do we know" its about 2 hours long make sure you choose the longer one. Also there is a 1/10 series called "you can heal your body" each video is about 10 mins long just watch them in order 1-10 type that one into google too, make sure you choose the 1/10 series :) thse vids will help you soooo much and dont think watching them once is enough. Learning to think differently is a process and the more you reinforce your thoughts the faster they can change. Your mind is like a machine it just needs to be reprogramed and only you can do that. These movies will help you understand it and it is real. You will make a difference. If you do the motions thinking it wont work you are right.. you have to decide it will work before starting.... :) good luck, let me know how it turns out!

The first thing to get checked is your medication, it is very common among bi-polar patients for them to exhibit schizoid systems from time to time. It is extremely common for one of these symptoms to be that people are talking badly about them. It does not mean that is what's happening but it is the first thing to check. I think you'll find the help you need in the medical community but telling people you hate them is only bound to alienate them further, and these sorts of issues (if unrelated to BP) may be best resolved in therapy. I would tread lightly here with the family, even if it means avoiding them for a bit or they could end up leaving you rather than the other way around. It is important to preserve these life-long relationships even if the nature of bi-polar disorder means that things are unstable, and doing so should be a top priority for you. I don't think someone who doesn't have BP could understand just how easily decisions made in one mood can become your biggest regret in the other, so avoid making them if necessary until you can act in the utmost sobriety of thought.

ths sad thing you will never go back to what you were after a stroke they do a lot of damage to the brain even the so called min storkes can do long lasting damage<br />
and it takes a lot of support to revocer from then

Yes, Your life is hard, too hard but i think you still could feel grateful that people who you love, they are alive and healthy. <br />
You could still be grateful that you are alive so you can see them.<br />
If you do not help your self and try to positive think, it is hard to survive .

Thank you rickrat2.<br />
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It means alot. I write you a note but it said I needed a token? I am here to listen or talk when ever you need.

i am so sorry for you bu ti am here if you need to talk

spicyxhotxandxlooking <br />
Thank you, I also have amenisa so its really hard. Its nice to find people who inderstand and can help me thank you. Im sure we will become friends. I need them I don't think I have many. lol<br />
im here if you need help or want to talk.

zappythek <br />
No never seen the movie but I guess I should. The thing is I'm not the same person as I was before so I am told and can also feel. You mention so many things that are hard for me to grasp as this time.<br />
I have no memory of alot of things you mention (amesia) my husband say we have been married 20 yrs but doesn't talk much. These past 6 to 9 months my brain has been through hell. I don't know how to answer you really, just that right now with out remembering things in or people in my life idk

i am so sorry that u feel alone. i 2 have had a stroke. i was only 35 when it happened. i 2 have a family i dont get along with who talk about me behind my back. u r not alone. if u ever need a friend i will be here. i know we dont know each other but ur story touched my heart. i 2 have wanted to die, to kill myself because i felt no one cared but experienceproject has helped me so much.

I'm glad to hear you have hopes and ambitions. That means you have something to live for. The way I look at the situation with my wife, and the way she describes it, is that she isn't the same person anymore. She's still *a* person, with hopes and dreams, who deserves respect, but she ceased to be my wife, and sadly, she's really not the kids' mom anymore either. She moved out, but she's alive, sounds upbeat when she calls, still visits with the children, and appreciates me in a new, albeit more distant way, because I understood the situation and stopped trying to force her to be her old self. That's way better than the way things were a couple of years ago when she was miserable, treated us badly, behaved in bizarre ways, dwelled on very dark and scary thoughts, and refused treatment or counseling.<br />
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A lot of what my wife did could fairly be described as selfish, so that label might not be unfair for you either, but consider this... presumably at one time you wanted this lifestyle. You chose your husband. Wasn't that selfish, too? You didn't marry him just for him, you married him for yourself. And when you became a mom, that wasn't only for the children, it was for yourself as well... right? So were you selfish then? Or how about your husband? Was he selfish when he chose you and married you because he felt you would make him happy? I don't think so... but it's certainly something he did for himself.<br />
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At this point you need to ask yourself some very hard questions, and they may take you some time to really figure out the answers. One... do you feel any hope that you will ever feel the way you used to, and want your previous life back? If you have any lingering hope of that, then it makes sense to hang in there and try to sort things out. Two... putting aside what you want for a moment, if your husband has to live with someone who looks just like his wife but acts and feels nothing like her, might it be compassionate of you to offer him a peaceable separation?<br />
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Have you ever seen the movie, The Three Faces Of Eve? If not, I definitely recommend checking it out. It's the story of a woman who changes into someone else. In that case, she has a multiple personality, but the story is really very similar otherwise: at the beginning of the movie, she's a sweet lady, and at the end of the movie, she's a sweet lady, too... but those two sweet ladies are extremely different. The ending is neither all happy nor all sad... it just is what it is. The movie is ba<x>sed on a true story, and the woman did go on to enjoy the rest of her life very much.<br />
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However things turn out for you, I wish you all the happiness in the world.

Don't give up . I know this will sound like a crook of poop but one day things will improve. Give your kids time. Kids tend to give parents a hard time. I believe they think that is their job. Or a least mine sometimes do. lol<br />
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Don't take responsibility for your stroke, it's not like you wanted it to happen and if you could change it, you would. As for your sister and husband talking behind your back; they are probably just venting and bitching with each other and that's something we all need to do. I ***** and vent to my girlfriend all the time when my kids do things that upset me, but that doesn't mean I don't love the. Just blowing off some steam that's all. <br />
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Do you read much? There are some really good books out there that may be helpful to you. Here are a few links for you to check out. They seem to be a good place to start. <br />
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And here is a message board to interact with others who have had strokes. <br />
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I believe this will interest you. <br /><br />
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Anyhow I hope one of these resources help. Take care.<br />
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As Always<br />

Yes that is how I feel, I feel like I want to do so much more. Sometimes I feel trapped by what I think I am supposed to do and the things I really want to do. My husband said it's just my amenisa. I want to run away something like my brain did and just get lost a new beginning. But I guess I am being selfish thats what im told. Just wait it will come back. Everyday is harder. I will grin and bear it after all I have kids right? I am really sorry to hear about your wife.

Is there a kind of life that you feel you do want... now... today? If you didn't have a husband and kids, are there things you would feel like doing? Places you would like to go? Something similar happened with my wife. We are now divorced and she seems pretty happy, just doing her own thing. It's sad that I lost the woman that I married, but this is way better than her wanting to die all the time.