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I Really Need Your Help Guys...

hey I'm a 23 years old girl I'm really depressed it's all started when i finished high school i was a really talented student always gets the highest marks i got scholarship in a private school and i graduated high school with a very good grades i always been the good nerd girl always did what my parents want me to , when i finished school i wanted to be a journalist and i writer but i couldn't study what i wanted instead i got a scholarship at computer engineering and i had to study it because we didn't have the money to study what i wanted and my parents wanted me to study it, that thing made me really depressed and it turned me to a complete failure i just stopped studying i just couldn't i failed a lot of my classes almost lost my scholarship got into a really bad financial problems because i had to pay for the classes i failed and ad to that a big guilt feeling because no one knew what was going on with me i lied to my parents because it will break their heart and make them judge me as a failure i got really depressed problems were getting bigger and bigger i isolated myself from everyone my family my friends..i don't have close friends anymore i had a really awful relationship which ended up of him leaving me for another girl in front of everyone i know with days i got sadder and sadder things were getting worse i kept trying and failing but i just cant take it anymore I'm tired of everything my marks at uni is getting worse and worse I'm in danger of loosing my scholarship i hate my life I'm hiding everything from my parents...i just don't want to live anymore for the last 6 months all what I've been doing is sleeping and crying all day long...i got into a faze where i just can't take it anymore and i don't care what happened to me or my future i really wanted to quit school but i can't coz i need to pay a lot of money to quit it and i don't have any money also i need to get a large amount of money to continue my uni i don't know what to do i really wanna end all this thing i wanna feel okay again...i really wish every night that i will never wake up because i got tired from my life i keep having a lot of problems every time a problem is solved i got more and more i don't think I'm capable of killing myself but i really wish i was died it will be better for everyone....i don't know what to do
d989 d989 22-25, F 4 Responses May 28, 2012

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Okay here's what you do. <br />
1) Deep breath smile, you're gonna be fine.<br />
2) Take a day for yourself...don't sit inside, rent a canoe, go outdoors, read a book in the park, play a game of pickup basketball at the Y. Do something that will take your mind off whatever it is that's stressing you out. (physical activity helped me because I would sit up late at night and my brain would go crazy wild but if I'm exhausted I just fall asleep) <br />
3) Get a good night's sleep. Seriously it's awesome.<br />
4) Once you've calmed down evaluate your options. Come up with a plan of action...this sounds vague, and I'd help you with it but I don't really know many specifics of your situation. I got laid off...it sucked. Got a job at age 23 at a restaurant bussing tables, not very glamorous or well paying, I wasn't too excited. Started taking it seriously, made a goal and made a plan and almost immediately started getting moved up...Still don't get paid much but I'm climbing up the ladder. Now I'm getting some corporate nods which is exciting, all of a sudden the job that I got for rent and beer might turn into a career. I made a plan ba<x>sed on my situation and I pursued and it worked. I was supposed to be a rock star or an astronaut but they say the average person changes careers like a 5 times in their lifetime so I'm still holding out...If the restaurant business fails, and if the rock n' roll spaceman thing fails I have a...<br />
5) Contingency. Think of another plan to fall back on, just in case. In the event that your first pursuit fails repeat steps 1-5 with your contingency. <br />
6) Finally when you have a clear head and you have a plan and you are in pursuit of your goals which should be challenging but attainable get a hobby. I have tons of hobbies. They are great. I've done everything from lifting weights to knitting. And once you have hobbies you can actively do them in public forums where you meet friends. Totally rad.<br />
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Just so you know a little bit about me, I am 26 and up until 2 years ago I was totally lost. Before that I worked a pretty nice job that laid me off (I actually got laid off when I was 23, coincidence). When I was your age I was out of money, out of friends (save for my triflin', drug-addicted, suicidal and thankfully now ex-girlfriend), making less than minimum wage, and drinking heavily every single night. I needed a change and things started going my way when I started making things go my way. Look at every second as an opportunity to do great things and then do them. You totally can and you can do it well. Also always wear a seat belt.<br />
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I sincerely hope that you start feeling better and that you end up doing something with your life that is both fulfilling and fun.

wow....i really liked your story seeing strong people and hearing their stories does make me feel better yup i'm doing something different this summer i got a cool job but the fact that i'm stuck with my scholarship and have to finish it really annoy me....i'm taking each day at a time this time...trying not to over thinking....so yup hope it will work and one day i will success and say i used to like you do now...

Hey there. Don't know if this will help, but I'd like to just say I can relate to how you feel. I'm a little older now (29) but I had similar challenges at your age, struggling to meet my parents expectations while wanting something different and just not having any idea how to get out of the rut. There was a lot more to it than that of course, but that's a start. And it's a nasty circle. The less you enjoy the way your life is going the harder it is to do anything productive in it. And the harder it gets the more you hate it. And no one seems to understand and so then you're facing the emptiness and loneliness as well... right? <br />
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But as the other commenters have said, you always have options. The thing that changed my life was being lucky enough to find a couple of people who DID understand and who I could talk to and relate to. Being understood helped with the loneliness and emptiness and from there I could see both practical ways out of the practical problems, but also gain the emotional resources to deal with the emotional and distressing challenges. <br />
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So if I was to give you any advice it would simply be, find someone who understands and can listen to you. Emotional support more than anything.<br />
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I don't think your'e in danger of killing yourself. If you were you wouldn't be seeking solutions. You wouldn't have psosted this story under 16 groups. And you've responded to most if not all of the comments people have made, so you're not just sitting around complaining. All of that tells me that you have a great deal of hope, deep down under all the distress, and that one way or another you will find a way through this.<br />
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I think you know that no one can solve your problems for you - the last thing you need is to become dependent on someone "rescuing" you. But the right people can help you gain the strength, resources, support, etc. for you to get there yourself. <br />
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I know I'm a complete stranger - perhaps not completely, after what I've shared above ;-) but if you have no one else, I'd be happy to chat with you. Maybe share some of my own experiences with this sort of stuff, and if nothing else just give you an ear to listen, understand and emotionally support you. Just curiously, where are you located (at least what time zone)?

hey thanks alot for your comment....sorry for replying too late...your comment really made me smile...:) thanks! and i'm glad you worked out your problems too...hope they will wok for me...there is always a way

Hey d... no worry about the delay. I'm glad I made you smile. That's always a good thing. :) I see we're friends now. I'll send you a private message and we can chat more if you like?

okay :)

I could not give you the perfect advice I could give to you dear...because same as you, I feel the same way...but in a different situation! Some people and most of the people always tells me, that the only one who can get myself out of misery is myself....but its hard when u know you feel that you can't get out....But let me give you some other people advised me, try to relax....cool your mind off this coming days...and think the possible things that could make you love that profession! It might be that God gave you that course, because there might be something in there that could make you go far from life....Computer engineering is something a very high caliber course that you can get, and when you finished that...maybe things would be better....and think of this....after finish this course...you still have the option to get the journalist you've been wanting....^_^

i never thought of it like it i never thought of even liking my study ...thanks alot for your comment i hope things will be better

You are NEVER out of options. Keep your head held high and keep living. The best advice I can give you: build some bridges. Get some friends and talk to your parents or the professor taking your subject. They might have options for you that don't invlove huge amounts of money. Please, stop backing yourself into a corner. You still have time to get out with your life intact. I truly hope it gets better

thanks alot :)