I'm So Tired

I've not wanted to live since my teens. I have no idea why. I've been searching for the root cause to this deep conviction, but have not found a specific, nor a general reason
I've accomplished many achievements and failures throughout my life. None of them seem to matter.
I've sought counseling, doctors, specialists and more pills than any human should be prescribed and after all of this, I still do not want to live. None of this is helping to stop my constant contemplation of killing myself.
I actually find solace in the planning the act of my own demise. The freedom of having control of the alternative to living, suffering and misery.
Odd, that at the same time, I am not comfortable with the actual act of killing myself for fear of living through it.
I've made it through four decades thinking and feeling this way and I may quite possibly make it through another four decades, unless I am fortunate enough to die a quick and painless death from natural or accidental causes, if the universe would be so kind.
Then again, I can only hope that one day I will come to be in complete comfort with ending my own life and that it will be sooner than later...much sooner.
I just do not want to live anymore.
I am so exhausted.
I am so tired.
goodenough47 goodenough47
46-50, M
2 Responses Dec 9, 2012

I can relate to your text, it seems like you're describing me. I contemplate death since my teens, always suffering in life, everything so much harder to me, what is climbing a stair for others is like climbing a mountain for me. I didnt achieve anything in life, I am a failure due to this deep depression and will to die. I envy all people who die or kill themselves, I can't see sense in life, motive to live. I am considering killing myself any day...

Thank you for writing. This is very good.

I know that many people today are feeling the same thing. One thing that can help you very soon is to take lithium oritate. Most things today that you do and eat stress your body and in the brain of many people there is inflammation. Lithium is in food, especially in mineral water and you can also find it in milk, egg and potatoes. You also have to move a little, so it can go into your brain, and also diminish your stress, i.e. watch television for a while. If you don't have a job, you have to have one too. After that it is good for you to be married, because it will help you in other ways hopefully, if you know what I mean. Another thing to do is to take black seed, or black cummin (salvia nigella) because it will not only help you be happier, but also help your memory and protect from other things. I hope that this will help you and that you will try it as soon as possible.

I will give you a link to a page I like and an author I respect. www. collectivewizdom. com/ Lithium - LithiumRichFoods -> This is for lithium and 7
www. youtube. com /watch?v=ijMbycw2boM -> John Gray, PhD

I have broken the chain of the links, because the system doesn't allow links in the messages. I am sorry. So it is for you to restore it.