Perhaps we are just puppets that may have served a purpose. Once our purpose passed or was fulfilled we were just thrown into the world on our own. I feel that the ones with a purpose are the only ones who get to be happy and live a real life. I've been on the back burner for a long time and have watched so many ugly things happen in this world that I no longer want any part of it.
I never had friends until I was 14 and even then I only made one friend. Now I have none and I'm 23. I cut and burn myself, I am a very drastic person. I've stopped the hurting for 4 months now because my family asked me to stop and because in a way I want to get better I want to be happy. I want to love and have people who will converse with me. Yet, at the same time, I pull myself away from people. I stop myself from getting better and I ruin everything. It's been 2 years since my last suicide attempt and I feel myself slowly inching back to that point in time.
Ecruz2020 Ecruz2020
22-25, F
5 Responses Jan 8, 2013

I want to know where do you get the courage to kill yourself.
What did you do wrong to still be alive?
How do you not **** this up?

Damn you are a COLD mother fu----, damn you sound like a damn sadist

If I was a sadist, there might be a reason to live. I'm not cold, just desillusionned. Afraid, lonely and really only just weak.
And you can learn anything from your peers. Even dying

Listen I may of been a little harsh, I just think everyone should live, and some one should be there for them during moments when life gets hard...can I help you be strong?

I don't know. Be strong for what? everyone should live, for what? there is no point? a lot of pain, little happiness, be a good minion of society, go to school, get a job, make children. Always wondering... always questioning. Life doesn't get hard at moments. Life is hard always, and sometimes you have so much adrenaline you forget. but these moments are so short, so few of them.

1 More Response

Thank GOD you did make that 180 baby, you have something to offer this world I'm sure and even if you think you don't I am willing to show you!

Thank you for your replies, I mainly posted this because I was pretty down and venting but like always I've made a 180 on my feelings~ for now.

Hey, I've suffered from bad periods of depression myself, you have the right attitude about helping yourself, you just need to think more in a positive light. The world isn't perfect, my best friend was murdered when I was 18, I had the same feelings as you that I wanted it to end and the world wasn't a nice place. At the moment though I'm not 100% but feel a lot more positive most of the time, the world does have bad things in it but it also has good, the key is to train your brain. I have managed to do it, now when I feel myself having negative thoughts I think about the positive things in my life and the world and the episode doesn't affect me any where near the way it used to. So remember to think positive and don't harm yourself anymore, it's only a quick release and you're ruining your body and leaving visual reminders which you'll regret when you get better, find hobbies and things you like doing and try to go to the drs, I don't like the medication but there are a lot of other avenues like counceling and CBT(cognitive behaviour therapy), as for people push yourself to be more social and you'll reap the benefits and see a much bigger change in your mood and social life. Hope this helps, it's a long road to recovery and I can't promise you'll never feel this way again but with a little hard work, it will get better! good luck!

Talk to me anytime, your not alone, if not me find someone, don't hurt yourself anymore than you can help, if you do, forgive yourself for it, don't let it snowball, I was close to killing myself in the past. I am sorry your going through what you are :(