Living In The Past

When I think about it I used to be happy. I graduated with a Masters degree from a university in the States, land a pretty good job afterwards, live in a good apartment with a large kitchen and great patio, met great friends at work, and I was so happy even my boss wanted to adopt me to be her daughter. After working for 6 months however, my mom practically blackmailed me to go back to my origin country ( it's a developing country) with her health. Thinking that I'm doing the 'right' thing and that I should be close to my family, I agreed to go back.
Back home, I was able to find a decent job but my current salary is 1/3 for what I used to earn, so I have to cut off many things such as no more branded items, I'm currently living in a crappy apartment with cockroach, I can no longer afford a gym membership, and I even have to take the bus with some people that I think didn't care to shower. At work, no one appreciates my hard work and opinions. I'm suppose to work like a robot and do everything asked without questions. Unlike in the States, it's very hierarchy-based here and someone only been promoted by their age rather than their hard work. Trust me, I tried to look for another job but there are not a lot available for my expertise (I'm a geneticist).
But the hardest of all, is to keep a smiling face to everyone and pretend to be happy. I don't want my family particularly my mom to worry about me. They have problems of their own I don't want to burden them. When I talk to my friends, all they have to say that I should be grateful that at least I got a job, many others don't. Nobody understands that I don't just need a job, I need to be successful! All my friends care about are to get married and have children. I'm only 25 but all my family and friends pressured me into getting married. When I told them I want to continue my study, they said that I'm only wasting my time cause girls belong to the kitchen.
I feel trapped and so tired. Everyday I crossed a busy road to work, I just wish that one day a car will go too fast and hit me. Then everything will be over.
An Ep User An EP User
Jan 14, 2013