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I Wish Someone Would Kill Me Now

I Just Wish I Was Dead Already...

By: Solveiga
Written on February 5th, 2013
Hi...my name is Solveiga...and i have been depressed for the past...3 months. I feel always really sad,angry,upset and depressed...due to the fact that depression has taken over me...so since grade 8 started everything was fine...until October when my good friend Sam...decided it would be cool to show off that he has a cool girl friend whos better than me... i used to like him because he was hilarious and he always understood me... i was heart broken when i saw him with his girlfriend...because i wanted to tell him that i like him but...it was too late. Anyways i always heard rumours in class about the girl and that Sam was going out with her and making out... i became so depressed thinking about him... everynight in my bed i would cry my eyes out...just to calm myself...i always kept my depression a secert from my mother...who is the only person in my life who i have left... my grades started dropping because of my depression...i was always teased in class by a boy named Kevin, he loved to call me a freak, retard, stupid, annoying... he also used to take my things in class and throw them on the floor or blame me for things i didnt do... my best friend Janet is always so worried about me because she knows what im going through... i have a divorced family, my parents always yell at each other saying they hate each other, im an ill child ( i have epilespy ) my grades are dropping, i am always being made fun of... and my father dosent give a **** about me, he forgets about me and dosent even care for me...
By: Solveiga
Age: 13-15 , Female
213 people have read this story

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5 responses
  • Alexandree
    Alexandree

    Hey Solveiga, help yourself in this. Don't give up. Believe that there is always light at the end of the tunnel. I once had depression, anxiety, panic attacks and terrible insomnias and suicidal thoughts. That was half a year ago. And because of my faith, I am able to overcome it and "restart" my life ANEW.

    Trust me, you are not crazy, insane and abnormal. Depression is just an emotion that everyone of us experience at some point of our lives. It's totally normal. You don't need to see a psychologist or a psychiatrist. Just don't get bogged down by the negative and harsh comments of others, it's their mouths, they can do whatever with them -- it's not for u to control, so don't even try.

    Just believe in yourself in whatever you do, just be yourself and you will be fine. Dale Carnegie once said: "It isn't what you have or who you are or where you are or what you are doing that makes you happy or unhappy. It is what you THINK about it."

    Got dumped by your boyfriend? Broken relationship? SO WHAT? You do not need them to survive. Remember, losing something or someone might not be a Loss, it may just mean that you may get something even better in return if you could just look at a different perspective. :) Plus, There are still many good guys out there.

    On the last note, I ve been there, done there, tried to commit suicide, kill myself to end it all. I tell you, we all just wanted to relieve the pain, not die. So, trust me, it's not the end, it's not that all hope is lost...
    Perhaps your situation now may prevent you from seeing the good side of things, but believe me, don't give up and you will get better, learn from your past experiences (like me) and lead an even more MEANINGFUL life. :D

    Peace out! All the best! God bless.

    Feb 7
    2 likes
    • Solveiga
      Solveiga

      wow...thanks for sharing that with me... :') i kinda do feel better... but still i feel the depression and it wont go away...it always takes the best of me and always makes me sad...

      Feb 7
      1 like
    • highlandfan
      highlandfan

      I understand your feelings. I was for yrars depressed, down, hated myself hated my school mates, tought more than once about suicide.
      What could you do??? To be honest, I dont know? Stay focust on good and funny things in your life maybe! Talk with your mom about depression, and your best friend maybe!
      If someone at school bullys you not only talk to your teacher, tell him that you seriously expect help and support!

      Feb 8
      1 like
  • COPrHead
    COPrHead

    I understand what you're going through and believe me I have helped alot who have gone through the same as you. You need to focus on the things that make you happy in a positive way. Lets get you secure with yourself and everything else will fall into place. Trust me there is an endless amount of things you can do with your life, unless, of course you're locked up inside a tower somehwere :-). Give me a list of things that would put a smile on your face. Seriously, I will help you.

    Feb 5
    2 likes
    • Solveiga
      Solveiga

      well...thats a hard thing because most of the time the things i like...people find creepy...like when people ask " What's your favourite colour?" i say to them: " um..back.." and they look at me like im crazy :'( and that makes me sad because no one apperciates me...

      Feb 7
      1 like