If someone put a gun to my head now, I would smile and thank him. It would definitely be a good thing to everyone if I died. They wouldn't have to worry about me any more. And I wouldn't have a chance to hurt them. 

Besides, I have a feeling that I am going to die soon anyway. If I got killed now, I wouldn't have to find a way to do it myself. So, my death wouldn't hurt them that much. And I would be truely happy when I died because all the pain was going to end.

SomewhereTomorrow SomewhereTomorrow
18-21, F
53 Responses Sep 8, 2009

many times what life throws our way adds weight that brings us down.

Wish i had a gun and teleportation device for moments like these...

The outer world is a reflection of your inner world. Change you beliefs, change your world.

I have been extremely suicidal myself. I can relate partly to how you feel. I have been to counseling which really did not seem to help. I am on three anti depressants that don't cut the cake.<br />
After four attempts of over dose and a hospitalization. I finally decided if I do it again, it will require some lead and a lot of noise or a lot of pain!

tygardner: I don't think that helps this person however you could also benefit from looking within yourself at the thoughts that come up which produces these feelings and connecting the thoughts to events of your past. For instance, You have thought which brings up a past memory which in turn produces a feeling such as pain and emotional stress that makes you want to kill yourself.<br />
<br />
In killing yourself, you have accomplished nothing really. All you have done was for one become non existant in form, and two have hurt others around you who still have to live and deal with the your passing. Grow some balls and look within for the answers instead of trying to run away from it. Deal with it. Have you noticed when you tried to run from it, it is still there? That's why you have to look inside and find the seed thought that created it all. Once you understand what it is then you can deal with it. Just think of it this way, you were the best of the best of the ***** that fertilized the egg. It was a struggle and only the fittest survived, you were that one. Now in the physical existance you can take that power and become the best of the best here now.<br />
<br />
Think about it!

When i read the second or third sentance I thought, 'She's not a bad person. No, she cares too much to be a bad person.' When i finished the paragraph, i was certain. I understand your pain, truly, i do.. It doesn't seem like you find joy in pain at all.. It's not good to get too comfortable in the dark either, because sometimes you might not be able to see well enough to find your way out... But don't fear, you're a human, people make thier own destinies. This probably sounds cliche, but, you can't do it alone. Allow the people offering help to you to help you, and it will benefit you immensly... I apologize, all i can do it seems is to wish you the best of luck and hope you make your life in to something wonderful. I believe it's within your reach. Believe in yourself...

Please don't give up. You are young. things do change, and you do have the power to change things. Try to do something for someone else. It usually brings joy to you. Even if it is simply smiling at someone or saying a kind word. I hope better for you!

I seen your message in 20009 did you kill your self<br />
I hope you did not kill your self<br />
Did your life get better or worse<br />
I hope you have a happer life.<br />
I feel that way some time and my life gets better<br />
some time and then there is bad time .<br />
But ever things work out in the wash<br />
Hang out there.<br />
I am hope you stay life .<br />
Then I can read how you felt at the time .<br />
And tell me how you got better or what happen<br />
hang in there.

Yeah, it's an old post. Between now and then, I have made several suicide attempts. The truth is, suicide has still been on my mind. I cannot promise anything, but I have tried to live for people I care for.

I know .
Some time I feel like that.
But I live on and hope that some thing good come out of
it and find some thing and see what happen.
Hang in there.
and you need some one to talk to .
then you can write to me
good luck

I think all of your words were just beautiful. I am somone who totally relates right now.

Thanks for your comment! It's a very old post, but I still feel the way I did.

I know that feeling. Being depressed but not able to take my life I'd take unecessary risks hoping it would end. I've been convinced for the last 30 years I won't be here this time next year. Well I'm still here. Treat everyday like its your last, but act like it's going to last 1000 years.<br />

If your going to die take my with you

I really hate listening to people who think you can just get rid of a lifelong feeling by "looking inside yourself". Some people have real problems with depression, low self esteem and little or low self worth. It doesn't just get better, it gets progressively worse over the years.<br />
<br />
She has a real problem and it is shared by many people, me included. Yes she is still young and she has her whole life ahead of her, but you DO NOT know how she feels and don't try to pretend that you do unless you are experiencing it yourself.<br />
<br />
I am 47 years old and I have felt the same way since I was her age. I never know what keeps me going, but i go in and out of these feelings all the time. What ****** me off the most is when people say "oh don't feel that way, or don't talk like that". The worst thing you can do is dismiss someone's feelings.<br />
<br />
Feelings are REAL and they can't be controlled. You feel how you feel and you can't control it. Most feelings (especially bad ones) are the direct result of other people and the things they do and say that effect you.<br />
<br />
If they truly care about you then they would listen to you and try to help you by doing things with you and spending time with you and just trying to do fun and positive things together.<br />
<br />
Most of the comments here are not helpful. All my life i have been trying to find a woman who would truly be a life partner. Someone who cares about how I feel and doesn't criticize me for it. Someone who can take me for who i am and not just what i can do or provide for them.<br />
<br />
All most people care about is themselves. They don't care about anyone else and they just use people to get what they want or to satisfy their own emotions.<br />
<br />
What i can say to you young lady, is try to find and focus on the things that you like and care for the most. I Know it is not easy and sometimes it feels like nothing can make you happy. <br />
<br />
There are people who care about you and your feelings. That person may not be in your life right now and even thought I don't know you, I care about you and your feelings because they are important.<br />
<br />
One thing that is most important for someone who feels this way, is just to have someone that will hold them close and comfort them when they feel bad or under the weather. I warm and sincere hug goes a long way.<br />
<br />
More importantly, stop trying to convince her to change her feelings and stop making up your own remedies. Words will never do it. Take actions !! If the people in your life can't do it, then find new people.<br />
<br />
Contrary to popular belief, killing yourself does solve everything for someone. They are dead and the pain for them goes away. Do we deliberately hurt the people we care about? No we don't. If the people in our lives that "care about us" can't do anything to help us, then what are we supposed to do?<br />
<br />
Why should i care who I hurt, I will be dead and i won't know about it. Sure they will still feel bad, but maybe in some cases, the deserve it.<br />
<br />
I am happy that you are still alive. I know what you are going through and it is not easy. i have been fighting it since i was your age. The only time it goes away, or at least sits dormant, is when i am involved in an activity with someone or doing something that i enjoy and it temporarily keeps my mind off of it.<br />
<br />
People who truly care about you should do what ever they can to help you. If they don't, i would have to question if they really care or not.<br />
<br />
My opinion.

Try and think positive and message me if you need to talk

You re right. I hate stupid "helpness". Words, words, and words. Btw, i want remember all of you (once more time) that be helped to die, is not only for people under depression or illnes. More and more people choose die like his masterpiece's life.

i would love to see what u look like

Please, Live for yourself. Who is the best person who knows you? Yourself, right? It seems selfish because it is. Keep others in mind, but live for yourself. I want to tell you a story of my own.

There is this bridge. Simply, I wanted to jump off of it. Seemed like my only option for my "End". I called a help phone and was put on suicide watch in the hospital for three days. What an experience. I met so many people. I learned meditation and other coping methods such as living in the moment. I left. Got myself a job in a kitchen... terrible idea. Moved on, Thoughts of suicide never left, but in my distraction it lay dormant for the most part. In and out of jobs I landed another kitchen job after leaving my last due to the stress and breaking down every time I was about to enter the doors. This new job is close so I walk. I have to pass the bridge to get to work and it is a constant reminder that it is another day. Am I tempted? Sometimes. I do not go through with it because I do not think I will pass. I believe I would survive and stay in a wheel chair. Tomorrow I am working....

I hope after reading my little story that I summed up you understand that you are not alone. The world has problems along with everyone on it. However, think about this when you are feeling low. We are a very lucky species. Few are lucky enough to make it this fair on the evolutionary scale. So laugh, dream, love. For every moment of sadness you experience is a moment of happiness you can never get back. Find your passion, find what gets you up in the morning and have those reminders written down and placed in places you can see them. I hope you and anyone else that reads this helped them.

My name is Benjamin and I am happy the share this with you.

The greatest human desire is to belong and connect. You belong. :)

n-no.don't do this to yourself,there is people out there who care,find a hobby or something to make you feel better,just don't be depressed,okay?when you feel better,respond.

I know this is an old post but really hope you feel better now, and have been able to find some happiness and reason to live. I can relate to this post 100%. Sending you strength and love and comfort xoxoxoxo


You do not know me, so how could you all love me?? Don't say that when you don't mean it.

i agree

stay strong

it wont hurt forever

Same here. I wish someone just shoots me in the head for a quick death. It would be such a blessing. Really it's a win-win since they can take my stuff and cash and I can get what I want- an end.

Keep going tho.
msg me if you ever wanna talk :)

its so relatable. i dont know when this started but i know i hate myself. i try so hard but i dont seem to get any closer to the top. and sometimes i think i dont deserve it. i ahte myself for letting down my parents when it comes to grades. id just get average or a just above but never at the top. i dont think im depressed in that way. i just dont want to exist if i cant succeed . getting amazing grades was the only thing i was good at and know i dont even have that to keep my self esteem high..

Before i kill you Lol,,,, can we have a bare knuckle fist fight first, once i whoop your *** then i'll strangle you :)