I Don't Even Know If Doing Anything Is Worth It...

To make something clear: I'm not what you would call "emo" I'm very preppy, I guess, and I do not like to show people my feelings because whenever I do, they don't even seem to notice or care.

I feel like I'm falling down a bottomless pit. Everything I do drags me farther and farther down. I can't stop. Should I wait to see the end or should I give up now? I'm still in love with my ex but he refuses to talk to me since i broke up with him about 4 months ago. I don't know what he's like anymore. He hangs out with these people that are really annoying but I know that he is so much better than them. My friend, who is kind of friends with him and has known him for years, tells me that he is really depressed now and I can see that he is. I just wish he could that I'm really depressed, too. He always used to be able to tell whenever I was in a bad mood or not. But now he doesn't even talk to me. Also, my best friend...i dont even know if I should be friends with her. She acts like a ***** most of the time, degrades me, makes fun of me, and is convinced she's always right and everyone that doesnt think she's right is stupid or a *****/*******/whatever else you can think of. But....she's also funny, she's a lot like me, she has good advice, she's smart and she's so different. I don't know who I would be without her. I love her but then I just want to kill her. What do I do?!

My mom is in the hospital. She has very severe depression. I love her very much and I do not know when she will return. She's been there since Monday, March 1st. I'm stuck with my father whom I have nothing in common with and constantly argue with. In his eyes, everything I do is wrong. In his eyes, I'm weak and stupid and can't do anything without screwing it up and everything is my fault. But he still makes me do EVERYTHING. If there's dishes, it's my turn to do them. If there's a huge mess, i have to clean it because he assumes that it was me that did it-even when it is not. I need my mom more than anything right now and she's gone and I pretty much have no contact with her.

Is there even a point in me living? I mean everything I do, it seems, ends in ****. Someone please kill me, I can't do it myself.

Lalalalaurie Lalalalaurie
13-15, F
Feb 27, 2010