My Husband & The Closed Door.....

I wish that he would let me in...we've been married for 12 years and he still reserves part of himself.  He won't talk to me when he needs to talk to someone the most.  He is bipolar and he gets depressed and angry and he won't let me in.  He shuts me out.  He prefers other peoples company to mine (hes never said this but i know it).  It makes me think of a door.  Everytime I try to get close to him the door is closed to his mind.  A brick wall, a cement divider, a thick heavy wooden door.   I wish that he would let me in.
spnurse spnurse
31-35, F
6 Responses Jan 3, 2007

Goldie, you have to try to understand the male perspective here. The toughness thing typically isn't for our own benefit, it's for yours. You're the ones who like to see us like that, and in relationships where we aren't like that we tend to get dumped. Telling him that the way he handles his emotions "isn't acceptable" is a good way to get him to really start hiding away, because it makes it pretty obvious that the person saying it doesn't REALLY have any desire to know and help with whatever's going on with him.

I know exactly how you feel because I know that my husband holds back. But to the men that commented i think you need to know that it is not acceptable to hold back from your wife of all people. this is not just some woman off of the street that you like and are trying to prove how manly you are to. This is your spouse your partner your supposed best friend. Regardless of what tough demeenor you put up do you really think your wife does not notice you are going through something and doesn't feel helpless and distant from you because as she feels you don't value her enough to let her in or think she is capable enough to handle what you have to say. it just ***** up the trust in the relationship and makes her question what else you hide from her. if we are not there to be your friends what are we there for???

There is a good reason why guys don't 'open up' to women. It is because wen we do, it kills all the attraction. Make yourself look weak and vulnerable, and she will never lok at you the same way again. She will look at you as a weak kneed wuss who isn't worth the time of day. <br />
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Be glad he does not open up to you. Because I guarantee you'll drop him like a rock as soon as he does.

Hmmmm . . . guys opening up to guys, quite interesting.

Does he have unnatural tendencies?

I think from a man's perspective this shutting out is a simple and yet complex thing. Men who became frustrated over their wives's previous reactions might tend to do this and also please remember that the fact that he might open up to another person, mostly another guy, doesn't mean he doesn't love you or is not comfortable with you. It is just the difference in male and female attitudes. I would give him the benefit of the doubt and just stand by him and please him with nice gestures like getting him a cold beer when he gets home and get intimate with him and let him find comfort in your arms/side while you just gently caress him without asking about his day, etc. Over time he will open up. That's a promise!!