Pushing Me Away

I have been with my husband for five years, when something upsets him he keeps it all inside and stops talking to me. The fact that he wont open up to me is pushing me further and further away. This is ruining our marriage. I feel like I am always left in the dark.
mum22 mum22
22-25, F
3 Responses Aug 5, 2007

Ask him if he has had any "unnatural" tendencies in the past. He may brush this off. Tell him it is ok if he has and you accepy any and every thing he may have done. You better mean it because a flood may spew forth.

That sounds like how I am, although sometimes I will talk to friends but not the missus about it. It's never about the relationship however.<br />
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Some guys when it comes to talking about problems would rather sort it out themselves or keep to themselves and not hint at anything being wrong whether in the relationship or something external to it. I'm not that macho but when it comes to trying to solve problems not related to the relationship, such as perhaps grief due to the loss of a loved one I keep to myself. <br />
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Often I think I'm troubling my partner, that I'm bothering them with my own issues, and I guess this is where lots of guys try to be "macho" about it even myself. I don't try to be macho but the world we're brought up and how sensitive males are perceived doesn't help. I'm quite the sensitive type already and when it comes sharing problems I'm also hesitant as I mentioned above. <br />
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The other thing for me which I'm not sure is the case with your hubby is that I was raised by my single mom who had a lot of boyfriends hurt her. For me sharing myself, and my feelings with someone was not natural & until I explained to my gf one day that I found it difficult to just let go of myself, and the wall which never failed me until I met her<br />
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I'm a lot easier to communicate with now, although I still try not to trouble her with things I think I can handle. If I know it will affect us with me bottling it up I will tell her though. Perhaps the hubby has other issues you need to find out before the rest of the story unfolds. All the best & hope you figure out the puzzle he's put before you without anymore stress!

I am not near being married but the man that I love does this same thing. It scares me because I think if we do get married will it ruin our marriage? I found the only way I can kind of get him to let me in is if I back off but still show that I care. I hope things improve for you two.