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A Lifestyle That Is The Hardest Of All

Well I am a military wife and i have been through a deployment but now im going through selection. i got to spend the last two months with him but now he is gone again. i am missing hm terribly and its the first time being married to him, deployment wasn't so hard because i had tons of friends around and constantly going out but now im married and im settled down and really dont have the friends that i used to. so now im getting used to being alone and dealing with the pain that i have to go through. its hard at nights to roll over and he isnt there or let alone the fact that he isnt there at all. its been tough living this lifestyle but i chose it. i know this wont be the last time that he does leave, i have plenty more to go through. its only 3 weeks but this is the first time being gone from me and being married. i thought it would be easier when you are married but honestly its just harder. ill be okay though. the first night i couldnt stand to be at the apartment by myself. the second night i slept at my parents house knowing that i couldnt sleep with him and last night i actually manned up to it and faced it, i slept just fine i guess i have to break myself into this i just cant jump into it. sleeping though is a totally different story, even watching movies feels so different because i cant hide under his arms this time i have to hide under the blankets. i feel like a child doing it but oh well. just something i ahve to learn to deal with. i know what came of this marriage and im okay with it, its just the first time being away as i said before. its hard as hell but i can do this. i have made it through a deployment this should be nothing. but it feels like it is something. i feel like i lost my love for a bit, which i did and it doesnt feel right doing things without him but i know i have to do this.
annacbennett20 annacbennett20 18-21, F Oct 4, 2011

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