I Wish My Father Never Passed

I lost my father in September of 99.  He had cancer that spread from his lungs to other parts of his body.  He was diagnosed in May of 99 and passed in September.  I lost him that fast.  The worse part was he had other health issues and surgeries that he survived from and we thought for sure he would survive again.  After his passing my mother's bad health consumed her.  She was diagnosed with diabetes a year or so prior to my father's passing.  The diabetes killed the nerves in her body and eyes and now she is blind in one eye and the other eye is bad to.  Every year since his death she got worse.  One year she was bedridden for 6 weeks healing, after that she had a heart attack and had heart surgery on my birthday.  Her kidneys are shot and have been for over 5 years now.  She gets dialysis twice a week and either my sister or I take her. My sister who was in her mid twenties was (and still) is living home to mainly takes care of her.  My sister suffered completely and has given her life up to take care of my mom.  I'm her back up and help her out weekly (even if it is to take her out to the movies or dinner and let her unwind).  My sister is hard to be around as well (she always has been, she blames the world for her circumstances and her choices but you can't tell her that or she will get in your face). 

My father's  passing started this nightmare that continues to this day in 2009.  The worst part of all this is no-one around me that I work with or talk to cares to ask me why I"m not experienced in life as they are.  What I mean is the people I work with (I have no friends) have healthy parents and get to live there life like they want to.  They (at the moment) are not tied down by circumstances out of there control. 

I can't understand why I went through and am still going through this.  All I want is for god to make this all up to me.  I pray that God will one day.  I pray the same thing for my sister. 


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1 Response Apr 6, 2009

Im really sorry. This must be very hard!