My Wish

is that people wouldn't mess with me on the Internet and just be real with me. I am real. I cannot afford to fake it. I'm a Christian and I believe God will hold me accountable even how I am online to others, so the best thing is to just be real. I wish others could be the same way with me.

I wish people would leave me alone if they cannot handle the fact that I like someone else not them. Yes, you are entitled to feel jealous, hurt, etc. but there are certain things I feel like humans should never, ever say or do just because they are angry, jealous, etc. If you do or say any of those things, you are no longer a connection to me in life. I permanently cut that connection.

Telling people you hate me, telling people you hope he and I never work out, telling people you think I am racist, telling people no power on Earth can keep us apart are not things to say to show you respect my feelings, especially when all those things are conveniently spoken after I reject romantic advances from you.

Waiting a while and hoping I forget how emotionally vindictive you are then contacting me again is not nice. Most people can move away from when people hurt them. I unfortunately have a memory that remembers it even if the hurtful ones forget it, and so I stay away from the hurtful ones not to be mean but to help my body not get the stress ailments it gets when the hurtful ones are near, thanks to how I was born. I am very forgiving. I just happen to be very sensitive emotionally, have a memory that remembers the good and the bad when most might forget the bad, and get massive, mind-blowing physical ailments from the emotional pain.

It reminds me of a time when one of the two men who sexually abused me and never let me out of their sight if they could help it so I wouldn't report them. One of them had a female friend who tried to reach out to me to be my friend. I had tried to tell her about some of the things he did to me before I was able to escape from all of them. She flat out told me she didn't want to listen. How is it that you want to be my friend but you don't want to listen to me? To me, it is impossible to be a friend and not have an interest in listening to them. She one day told me weeks before I had made my escape in a plan I had firmly left in my head so no one could try to stop me, that she was not the bad guy. In my mind she was because she didn't care about my feelings.

My feelings are what make me tick as a human being with emotions. If you can't respect my feelings, you have no right to seek refuge in friendship with me.

If I like Joe and you don't want me to like Joe, then tough! My heart has made its choice and you have to not try to replace it with your ways. If you want to be in my world, you have to respect my feelings. I don't force people to be in my life but if you are, the least you can do is adhere to my personal feelings.

Do not ever act hateful to me or about me just because you want me to romantically like you and not the one I do already like. Because in my eyes, my feelings would only be important to you if they go your way, but I'm the one that lives with those feelings since they control my heart. I can't have connections with people who try to control my feelings or manipulate them. I need to have connections with people who value my feelings always, not just at times when they are getting their way. Hateful antics cannot be replaced by sorry in my world. I am forgiving and I forgive wrongdoing, but I have to cut connections that showed hatred. My memories even if the hateful people turn nice are strong enough to knock me unconscious, which is why I have to stay away from the hateful antics.

It is not unforgiving. A lot of people equate forgiving with remaining close with, and it is not the case. Forgiving is one thing. Letting the connection get cut is another thing. I forgive, but depending on what you did or said is what keeps the connections cut or uncut.

People who let me know upfront that they are going to be acting such a way as an act to not let others onto the real them or because they're practicing a role for something don't make me feel like they hate me. Cause I would know it's an act because fhey told me. So I wouldn't get stress ailments and wouldn't try to run away from them.
blossomingbeauti blossomingbeauti
36-40, F
Jan 19, 2013