I May Not Be A Man....

...wanting to be a woman. Or a boy to be a girl. But rather a girl to be a boy. "Oh but why would you ever want to do that?"
Well, I can understand why you want to be a woman or stay a woman. It's fun, sexy.... You have a lot of stuff do as a woman. And many other reasons are there too. But I've never been like that. Yeah, I dress up sometimes and enjoy it and think of a lot of cute things as girls do. Hell, I was raised as my mother's living barbie doll... Seriously. I was dressed up four times a day from age 0 to 9 practically. But then I eased into a serious tomboy stage and then I balanced out at 12. But I've always wanted to know what it was like to be a boy. ALLWAYYYYSSS... And I guess you could say I did a lot of research.

What's needed to "become a boy" and possibly how boys think. I've felt the need to dress up this way and walk out into the world. I've experimented with my voice, the way I walk, the clothes to wear, and even chest binding. It's hard to explain what I feel. ( Really hard, considering I don't know how in the hell I'm supposed to convey my feelings on this when I have poor communication skills in the first place. ) But I find myself thinking every day- What if I was a guy?

But unfortunately, I can't even be a closet cross-dresser. :/ I'm 15 and don't have any money as of the moment. I don't have any good hiding places for all the things I would need to buy, and I don't have a friend to tell my needs to and have them give me a ride to wal-mart or something IF I ever got the money. I'm basically screwed over. Sometimes I think if I ever do cross-dress one time, I might not ever feel the urge to do it again. It kind of horrifies me that I might be in the experimenting stage of my life, because I would love to sneak out with a friend to their house, cross-dress, then walk around with said friend in town or go to a store. Maybe with these thoughts it proves otherwise? Oh well. I guess we'll have to find out when the day comes.

Especially since I've been thinking recently, that a certain friend MIGHT be able to understand and help me out. (Not with the money obviously. xD)
lawlomuffins lawlomuffins
18-21
Jul 30, 2010