Just Floating.

It's been two years since I was first diagnosed. I was told I had a quarter sized cyst on each of my ovaries, my falopian tubes were clubbed, sealed shut and clogged with a toxic substance. Also that I had pelvic attietions and scar tissue all over my uterus. Yeah, I'm a mess. I visited a fertility specialist before haveing surgery to removed all that ...garbage. The spceialist looked at my file and said "I won't touch you untill you get all that trash out of your uterus and womb" he went on to explain how dangerous it would be for a fetus. So I understood. I had surgery this January 2010 to unclogg my falopians tubes, burn the pelvic attetions and drain the toxic liquid. At first the Doctor was posative about the out come. He  promised nothing of corse but the next time I'd come (3months) It should be because I'm pregnate. Like I said, that was in January. It's now July and no baby yet. I'm afraid my hope is slipping. I still take care of my niece whenever.I havn't become bitter just yet. But I do become annoyed with pregnate woman. I know it's because of jeliously but I feel like they think they are special or deserve some kind of metal for getting pregnate. I think getting pregnate is the easiest thing to do, your not special. It's not a big deal. But then I feel so ugly and gulity for thinking that because, I can't get pregnate. I hate how I feel. A very close person to me just had her IUD removed and said she's trying for "baby #2" as she says (so silly to number children) I feel like she's doing it on purpose to me. I know that is silly. I know she's not. Trust me, I want that stupid feeling to go away. I don't know what to do. I've had a lot of time to think about WHY people feel the NEDD to have children. All the reason are SELFISH!! It can all be summed up with one word: NARCISSISM. That's it, that's all I see behind the majority of people who want children. I have to admitt, my reson is also. My reason is that I feel my husband deserves to be a father, he's a very good man who would raise a very good adult. My other reason is when I die, 70-80 years from now...who will remeber me? Who will carry our name and culture and believes??? How will our tiny little way of life carry on??
SarahofAbraham SarahofAbraham
1 Response Jul 20, 2010

I understand your pain. I am 40. I have 3 childten from a previous relationship.I gotten my tubes tied for all of the wrong reasons. I met my Husband after I got them tied.I been with my Husband for 15 years. We both want a child together. We found a fertility doctor that aproved us for a tubal reversal. The only thing that is stopping us, is the money to pay for our surgery. So I'm here to encourage you to keep your dreams alive! Because it will happen!