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Infertile Women

Hi,

I would like to share experiences with women who can't have children. How do u cope at work etc?? It must be hard sometimes seeing women of ur age with babies or pregnant? please show way of coping.

elareen elareen 31-35 165 Responses Feb 13, 2008

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I found out I was infertile at the age of 13. I was diagnosed with Turners Syndrome. I wasn't really prepared for how I would feel as I got older. I've always known I wanted children and I was upset when I found out but obviously I was still young so didn't know how upsetting it would be as I got older. I am now 21 and suddenly the world is having babies. My sister has a beautiful baby girl and two of my friends have lovely babies. I enjoy being around them obviously l. But it really upsets me because it just reminds me of what I can't have. Don't get me wrong I am so happy for them and I love their little monkeys, but it's hard. I have really bad days sometimes where I don't know whether to be angry and upset. I hate the fact that people who are useless parents get children and it seems all the good people are just left childless! It just seems so bloody unfair! Some days I just cry and don't know what to do with myself. I work with children as I thought 'its as close as I'm going to get' and it helped me for a while. But now I am finding it really hard and come home upset. I can't help but think 'what the hell is wrong with me, what kind of girl can't even have babies'. I know I am only 21 but I am really starting to find it hard. I've always wanted someone in my life to call me Mummy. When I was younger, my Mum used to say 'I want, don't get' ... Ironic huh? Because I want a baby, and I can't have one! Please tell me it gets easier?

Just found out today on fathers day. I don't know weather to be angry, or a reck. I'm upset because I have a lot of girls that are my age that are popping them out like there a machine. I'm not saying I wanted kids now but I wanted to start after I finished doing all the things I wanted to do. But at this point i just want to yell Its not fair. I know life isn't fair but this sucks. Just one more bad thing after another it seems like.

I am not in your position, and it must be very hard. I do have some words of comfort, though. Families can be forever. Because of the resurrection of Jesus, you can receive your body again. If you have been sealed to your spouse in the temple, you can have posterity in the next life. I know that sounds impossible, but it is the truth. The power that Peter had in bible days to bind families on earth and in heaven is restored through the church of Jesus Christ of Latter day Saints. Please go to mormon.org to chat with missionaries.

Oh please. You are preaching your religion, not an understanding of what it means to be childless or facing childlessness. I know something of the Mormon religion (Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints) and I find no comfort in your words. You cannot understand something you are not and it sounds like you are not infertile. (I am grateful for your sake.)

You're coming from a view point of a religion which believes Jesus and Satan are brothers, that men determine whether or not women go to heaven (women must be submissive enough here on earth) and that if you do good works you (a man only) can become a god of his own planet. This is not comforting to someone who cannot bear a child, but I’m it sounds like you cannot truly understand this pain.

I severely question your "truth". I also genuinely hope you never understand what it means to be infertile and I pray you will come to know the genuine truth that Jesus Christ is the only begotten Son of God and what this means for eternal life.

I just found out I can't have children

It's not fair that unfit mothers keep popping out babies

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I am 23 and was diagnosed with Bipolar Type 2 disorder 2 years ago. I am not on lithium, but I am on another medication that has to totally balance me out. It's not as harsh as lithium, but I'll have to be on it for the rest of my life. It causes major birth defects and if I were to get off of the medication, the combination of hormonal changes and my bipolar would put me at very high risk for postpartum psychosis. The idea of that is absolutely terrifying as it can lead to mental break downs, no bond between mother and child, and, worst case, infanticide. I've never been the maternal sort, never played "house" or "mommy" as a kid and I was never sure if I wanted to be a mother at all. I don't feel much around babies or kids. They're cute, but they don't interest me. It makes me feel like a bad person because I don't fawn over kids. Now that having my own isn't an option anymore, I am having a really hard time accepting it. I'm not sexually active, but when I do become so, it means that I will most likely have to look at getting my tubes tied because it could be life threatening for me to get pregnant. I know it sounds dramatic, but you can't mess around with bipolar. Adoption never felt right to me either so I feel like I'm never going to find anyone. It's just something I never thought I'd have to consider as my situation is different because I am physically healthy and able to have children, but at the same time, I can't. All of my friends around me are getting married and having babies and just don't seem to understand. They just assume that it's not a big deal because I was never sure in the first place, but you don't realize what you have until it is taken away from you.

I hope that this helps other women with mental illness and other young women out there that you are not alone. There are others like us that struggle a lot. Like someone said, I just have to talk a lot and get my feelings out.

Hi,

I completely understand…. I have been infertile for 9 years now. I would love to tell you that it gets better and I’m sure for some it does…but for me it’s always been extremely hard. I’m a Senior Account Executive that is out with customers every day. The first question always asked is “so how many children do you have” I used to lie and make up some story….now I just tell the truth.. it’s liberating, although it does stop the conversations for a few seconds  I understand where you’re your at….people just don’t care…they talk about their kids..show you pics…ask you to hold them…expect you to be happy. Inside you cry…go into the bathroom and ask why? For me the best way to heal is to talk…and talk and talk…tell people how you feel…don’t keep it in.

For myself, being an IT professional.. I want to start a WEB site for women like us. I know Resolve exists but I want a WEB site that we can share stories at….talk to someone if we need to. Share something that might make each other happy.

If you need to talk…please feel free to reach out.

Hi Alinker, it's so jolly hard isn't it. I'm 35 years old and can't have children. When I was 23 I had an ovarian cyst the size of a watermellon. I was left with a 17cm scar that changed my body shape and left me with a severed fallopian tube and a heap of internal scaring, and part of an overy removed. After my op my hormones went beserk. It was so humiliting when I would weep over some random event that would normally be easy to deal with or at times for no reason at all.
My surgeon advised me that it would be very difficult to fall pregnent. So I spent the next 5 years or so trying. After about 3 years, I decided to come to terms with the fact that I may not be able to conceive. It was a process that took me a long time. I filled my life with literature, great music and learning to ride a motorbike. I finally found myself in a good space where I was looking to the future in a positive way.
Then 3 years ago I left my husband - who turned out to be a controlling pyscho, literally, - after 3 months of marriage- moved into a flat, shared a bottle of gin and slept with my 19 year old flatmate. Horray! I feel pregnent! I was the happiest I had ever been! I went to the hospital for all my checkups and was advised that my bub bub was in my fallopian tube, an eptopic pregnacy. They needed to operate and cut out my fallopian tube with my beautiful baby - going on 3 months.
As you can imagine, I was devastated! and still am. Now that's it. One severed fallopian tube, one not even there and a heap of internal scarring. No children for me.
It's heartbreaking!
The worst thing is when you confide in someone and they come out with the story of a friend who tried for ages to have kids and thought it wasnt going to happen and now they have twins and a bouncing baby girl. Its the worst! Its like people think that you dont want to have kids and thats why you dont. no one wants to hear that its medical and how difficult it is not having a wee family.
Anyhow, it has been 3 years since loosing my tiny Autumn Harry and I still dont know what to do with myself. but Im going to try to find happiness. It's going to take a lot of determination and strength, but I beleive happiness can be achieved! It's time to look to the positive!

Hi, I am unable to have kids as well, questioning my ability to have kids and found out 2 yrs ago that partner can't have kids either. Would really like to connect with you. Feeling a little lost, but hopeful and would like to share with ppl.

I want to share my testimony and also thank prophet Adams for what he has done for me, Am so happy today and i have stopped thinking. After my husband Rick left me for another woman because I can't give him a baby and that he hates me, i cried because i really loved Rick with all my heart. Then i decided to come online and look for a spell caster to help me bring back Rick, Until God directed prophet Adams to me. When i met prophet Adams i was thinking his not real, But he told me to give him a chance that what will he gain if he adds more pain to my pain,That all he want his my happiness. So i decided to give him a chance, and he told me that Rick will be back to my arms within 48hours and I will be pregnant and have a baby,i said okay truly when prophet Adams casted this spell my lover Rick called me and said he wanted to tell me something i was shocked, He told me that i should forgive him, That he loves me with all his heart and promise never to leave me till the rest of his life. Prophet Adams also told me that ones Rick comes back to me he is going to buy me a gift. Rick Bought me a Brand New Car, And i also had access to his account to prove to me that he will never leave me and now am pregnant. You can contact prophet Adams for any kind of help and he will never disappoint you. His email - dradamsjohnsoncentre12@gmail. com

I'm thankful to have found this page. Right now my wife and I are trying to have our first child, but no luck. Her left tube is either blocked or nonexistent and the first treatment of IUI failed. During the process and leading to the the first IUI failing we've had plenty of arguments. Even now she's frustrated and upset with me. She looks for any thing to get upset with me about.

At first I thought she was being crazy or holding on to old things in her past and our past as a couple (some situations I found myself in were misunderstood and my wife thought I wanted someone else). She already doubts herself in terms of looks and thinks I want a more fit woman. That's not the case. I love my wife with all my heart, even when she told me she may or may not be able to have children, I still married her and will never regret it.

I know she's going through so much. I know as her husband I want to make things alright and help her through it. After reading comments and stores so far I've come to learn it's patience and understanding that I have to show her. Thank each and every one of you ladies for sharing your stories. I'm so hurt cause I want to help my wife and it's frustrating cause she pushes me away. I want to understand her feelings and be there. This forum has helped me greatly.

I wish the best for all you ladies. I wish the best for all the men who commented as well. I pray and hope my wife gets past this. I pray she doesn't think that us being apart will make things right. I want to be with her. Regardless of a child of or own not, regardless of adoption or not. She's my world

Thank you. It is nice to hear from a gentleman. My husband and I went through 2 IUIs – one ended in a miscarriage and the other was ineffective. That was nearly 19 years ago and we have no children together. Please, do not take that as an omen for you and your wife.

It is nice to hear your heart towards your wife. I trust you have shared with her what you have shared here. If not, you should have her read it. It’s never a bad thing to reveal your heart, especially with the one you've committed to share your life with.

I suspect your wife isn’t as upset with you as you may think. When we were trying to get pregnant, I often felt anger at my husband until I realized it wasn’t him, it was the situation and me. I had all the right parts, but they were not functioning properly. I had to pay a doctor to help me get pregnant when everyone else I knew only had to say “It’s time to get pregnant” or “Oops, I’m pregnant.” I had to go the extra mile to chart my monthly cycle and “time” sex when teenage girls were having babies. All because I had a body which didn’t work properly. It was unfair and I was totally focused on myself and getting pregnant.

Your wife may be trying so hard to have a child, not only to please you, but to prove she’s not abnormal. The stress she may be feeling, and even self-generating, can be extremely overwhelming. Since pregnancy also depends on the man, it’s easy to take one’s frustrations out on them, especially when his body is functioning as it should. It’s hard for a woman not to feel like they are alone in the process of getting pregnant when it is not happening. I know this sounds strange, but it is true. We feel alone because we often feel like a man just doesn’t understand. While I know this isn’t true, the emotions at the time are so intense we (women) can often seem unreasonable. I wanted desperately to place the blame my husband and was horrified when I learned I was the problem. Life is unfair, and it’s worse when it is unfair in the most basic of human reproduction, which nearly everyone takes for granted.

You may find that there is nothing you can do to make things right. It’s beyond your control. Guys are wonderful in that they want to fix everything especially for those they love. They get frustrated when they can’t fix it. You both are severely affected by your current situation and neither one of you knows what to do. The best thing you can do is to turn to each other and share everything. I cannot stress enough how important open and honest communication is for you and your wife. Both of you are scared and in uncharted territory.

Your wife will never “get past this” unless she bears a child. Even then, she’ll bear the scars of trying. It’s been 18 years since I had my hysterectomy and I am not “past” not having a child. I’ve adjusted and am happy with my life, but it was a struggle getting to this point. Hold on to one another and to God. He’ll get you through this and through life.

Thank you for a response. I honestly was checking daily to see if someone would respond.

It is tough and honestly it feels worse. I came home from my trip to Thailand. My wife was still upset over the event that occurred while I was there. (No infidelity but her view of the situation made her upset). I kept my distance and talked to her when she spoke to me. The first thing out of mouth when I got home was, "I'm still upset and I don't want to be in the same bed with you right now". I took it as such and kept to myself. It seems as though she's looking to pick a fight and when I give in, we argue. Even her mother tells her to stop enticing me and tells me to not fall into it. Even now I'm sleeping in the other room and she asks me "am I still not talking to her". Even though she wanted me to give her space and bother her. It's a double edge sword for me. I can not entertain the situation and she looks at me like I have the problem and if I entertain and try to tell her how I feel, she claims it's a pity party. Even when I say I'll listen she doesn't want to talk. Says, "you should know, I've already told you".

I know it's more to it then what she speaks of, but she won't admit it. I was glad to see the part where you said, "you realized it wasn't your husband, but you". She said "I'm not happy with myself right now. If I can't be happy with myself, then I can't be happy with you and our marriage." I was glad to hear she admitted to that, I knew it was part of the reasons, but now I'm scared.

I want to be supportive, I want to hold her and be there for her. The most I could tell her during our argument was, "if you need time away then I'm fine with it. Go to your mom's house. I'll still pay our bills and be supportive of it. If you need the time to see how you feel then it's fine. If you want to stay together afterwards, I'm more than happy and if not I'll be sad, but I'll respect your decision."

She's currently going to see an individual counselor cause she didn't want to go as a couple. She's working on her now. As for me, I'm doing the same, but I haven't told her. I've tried showing her this site but she didn't want to. I feel that if I tell her what I'm doing, where I've been writing, she'll feel like I'm just copying and not honestly supporting her. So for now, I'm keeping it to myself until the time is right.

I'm scared she'll leave me Grace. That's my biggest fear. I love every bit of her, the good, the bad, the moments of laughter and arguments. The romance and straight silly. I knew this may come to pass, but I feel like she's forgotten that I told her I would be with her regardless. I can't stop shaking when I'm around her. I'm nervous, edge of tears and trying to stay strong for her. Even when I showed her how much I care about the situation she blows it off. So I hold it in.

I do hope God shows her I'm here for her. Her mother tells her that. But she's stubborn. I know it will take time, but I hope the time or end result doesn't have her walk out of my life. I'll stay strong do what I can. Your situation has helped me greatly. I cried reading your response. I definitely feel like someone understands me, I truly do. Thank you so much for taking time out of your life and marriage to help me. Even if it's a few words I appreciate it so much.

Add a response...I too, find it so hard to see friends when they are pregnant, I try avoidance tactics, I actually find myself getting anxious at the thought of seeing them. After 17 years of having this feeling, going through my 20's, 30's and now 40's pretending to be excited every time a friends tells me their news, feeling like a total failure as a woman and not having anyone to talk to about it, I have now found out one of my friends, who is 42 this year and never wanted kids, she wanted a cat, is pregnant, so I have another 6 months of playing the avoidance card. <br />
The reason I can't have kids is that I went through the early menopause at 24, and my medical issues would prevent me ever being able to have kids, even through IVF.<br />
I feel rotten about how I feel, but cannot help it. <br />
I love children and babies it is just pregnant women I can't cope with, glad I'm not alone.

I just found this site, and I hope that I'm welcome here. My inability to have children is not medical Well, it is in part, but part of it is choice. I'm legally blind. I have various genetic deformities within the eye that prevents me from having anything better than 20/200 vision. I've spoken with geneticists, and they basically say....save the money, your children will have vision just as bad as yours or worse. This is devastating to me because my vision is impacted my life in so many ways. It's difficult for me to move up the ranks within the jobs I have because of the prejudices regarding my vision. I haven't been able to go out and get groceries, get to the doctor, etc....at least not until I met my husband who drives me where I need to go. My life has been difficult, and I grew up asking my mother why she had me if she KNEW I'd be legally blind. Now that I'm at the age to have children, I don't want to have a biological one because I'm terrified he or she would have even worse vision than mine. People have handicapped children and of course love them, but I think it would be selfish of me to have one while KNOWING they'd have a handicap. On top of that, I have MS. the medication I take for this is very powerful, and causes birth defects. So i'd have to go off my medication to have a child, which is also not so good for me. So, having a biological child is out of the question. Although I'm not infertile per se, I break down in tears when I see pictures of people with their babies on facebook. I feel horribly uncomfortable at parties with all guests entertaining their children. I feel sick to my stomach when I'm invited to baby showers. I wish more than anything my husband and I could have a child and just have the CHANCE to have a healthy baby. Although adoption is an option, it's a ridiculously expensive one. It's over 40,000, and due to the prejudices regarding my vision, I haven't been hired at a public school. I'm teaching part time at a private school making less than 20,000, so adoption is out of the question. DCF adoptions are affordable, but you have to be okay with potentially dealing with the child returning to their birth parents. This is great for the child, but devastating for the foster parents. So my choices are go off my medication and bring a child into this world that would DEFINITELY be legally blind, go into massive debt for years and years to adopt ONE child privately, or adopt a child for free that has gone through various forms of neglect/abuse and can be taken away from you only to go back to the parents that abused or neglected them. Sure, you can SAY I'm making a choice, but I'd say all three of those are pretty crappy. I've been horribly depressed, and I can't even seek therapy because I'm under contract with an adoption agency right now (in case I get full time work and can somehow afford this expensive adoption process) and if you're undergoing any counseling, everything you say is shared with the adoption agency and the birth mother that has to choose you. So no counseling for me. It's difficult to talk to my friends because they all have kids. And I can't even really share this with my husband because he's very stoic. He just thinks when it's meant to be, it will be. that's great for him, but I'm not in that positive place right now. I feel broken because I can't have a potentially healthy baby. I feel a great sense of loss that I can't have a biological child, yet my husband isn't sharing the pain with me. I want desperately to know someone is mourning with me, but my husband just doesn't process things like this the way I do. He's not an emotional being.

To answer your question, all I can do right now is pray. I also try to talk to single friends......babies aren't even really on the horizon for them, so I don't end up giving them a guilt trip when I talk about this pain with them. Also, if you are not going through an adoption process, you can seek therapy and your therapist can give you great coping mechanisms for dealing with the pain/loss. You might even have a support group near you as well.

I hope you find some comfort somehow. -sigh- I hope I do, too! :(

"I want desperately to know someone is mourning with me..." I am mourning with you, dear one, as I'm sure others on this site are as well. You are NOT alone.

No offense to men, but they are not the emotional creatures women are. They want to "fix" it and this isn't something that can be fixed. If men can't fix it, then they seem to turn their backs on it. Don't give up on him. I'm sure he cares; he just doesn't know how to show it.

Prayer is the best thing you can do right now. You are between a rock and a hard spot, and you're feeling alone. But, if you're praying, you should know you are never alone. God said "Never will I leave you or forsake you."

I don't know how your mother answered you when you asked her why she had you when she knew you'd be blind, but I would like to share something which occurred in my life. An 8 year old child died of a terminal illness and our small town was devastated. This was shortly after my dream ending hysterectomy. I was asked if I would have a child knowing I would only have that child for 8 short years. Without hesitation, I answered an emphatic "Yes." To bring a child into the world and show them the love of God, even if for just a few short years, would have added to my life in ways I could not possibly imagine. As difficult as your life may be, I suspect your mom is VERY grateful for your life. I'm grateful for it too because you have made a difference in the lives of those you have touched and will continue to make a difference to others in the future.

You know, doctors can be wrong. Did they factor in your husbands health and family history? The two of you should seek a second opinion.

As for baby showers - Don't go. I find it easier to not go to them rather than to go and pretend to be happy and not let my pain show. It's OK to stay away. After all, you don't put your hand in boiling water because you know it's going to hurt.

Thank you for your kindness. <3 I'm trying to be patient with him. I know men experience emotions differently. As for doctors - the gene is dominant. We've gotten second and third opinions. Plus, there's still the issue with getting pregnant while on my MS medication. My concern regarding not going to baby showers is that if I want people to celebrate w/ me w hen I adopt or foster, I feel my heart should be big enough to celebrate when others are pregnant. I don't know - I guess it's just a goal if mine to get to a point where I can go and not feel terrible. I should be happy for my friends, it's just so hard :( I'll continue to pray though.

I'm 32 years old been with my husband since I was 18 years old. I've been sick with one thing or another for most of my life. In 2005, I started having urinary tract infections that would not go away, followed by having to urinate 20-30 times a day. My OB-Gyn told I was too young to have over active bladder, so I continued to experience these symptoms and just didn't say anything about it. By April 2011, I could no longer take it, I went back to my OB-Gyn and she did an extremely painful test and then told me I have Interstitial Cystitis. She told me nothing else about this disease of the bladder, just gave me something to read on it and the only presc<x>ription FDA approved for this disease. She didn't want to give me any pain medication, so I started looking for a specialist in this field which was very hard. Only 5 doctors specialize in IC in the US, I finally saw my new doctor in September and he confirmed my diagnosis of IC on 10/30/2011 in the OR by doing a bladder hydrodistention, and biopsy. Since there is no cure for this disease all my doctor can do is treat the symptoms with medication, medical equipment, and surgery. My frequency of urination became so bad to the point I was going every 15 minutes, it was decided I needed to have a bladed pacemaker installed, thus was done in December 2012. I have to take 11 medications daily due to Interstitial Cystitis and I have other medical conditions I have to deal with also. <br />
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I tell you all of this because this is the reason I can't have children. I cannot come off of my medications because I would be so sick and would not be able to function and the pacemaker would kill my child immediately upon conception (this is something I didn't know when. I made the decision to get it).<br />
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My younger brother had his firth child June 25, 2013. It was a strange time for me, I had to tell his girlfriend, who will soon be my sis-in-law, that I wasn't able to have a baby so if my emotions every changed around her or Brayden Lee that it was thee or Bray, it was because I couldn't have a baby. She was very understanding to my feelings and we had a good conversation.<br />
<br />
a few weeks ago, my cousin announced she's pregnant. She did this by posting a video on Facebook, I was only able to watch maybe 1 minute of the video before I began crying out of control. This cousin is already a very self absorbed person, so it's going to take forever for the end of August to get here. <br />
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I thought I had dealt with my feelings about not being to have a baby. I'm a Christian and I believe strongly that God has a reason for everything and I've gotten peace from God about this. But when my cousin made her announcement all my anger came back and it came back stronger. I've always loved babies and children and have always wanted to have children. I was the teenager that was always around babies and young children. Everyone tells me to adopt a child, I can't adopt a child with my medical problems and I don't feel God wants me to adopt.

I am in the jealous state about having children. I am finding it difficult to be happy for others when I feel I deserve what they have. It sounds silly and immature but its how I deeply feel. I am constantly reminded I don't have a child and it seems like people who don't want or cant parent a child properly are having them. My husband try to look to the positive side and say one day it will happen. But sometimes being positive is not what I want. I want someone to share the pain and the unfairness. Im in my last few months before I finally say adoption may be an option. Im pro adoption but I think there are going to be alot of stages to then cope with and get over the idea of birthing my own child. People look at it like oh your lucky you didn't have to give birth but I pray I could have the chance to give birth to go through 9 months and creating a baby.

It does not sound silly or immature for you to be jealous of people who are pregnant or who having a baby. I feel the same way. It almost makes me sick at times, so I understand. I can't stand to see my friends on Facebook post pictures of their newborns or their pregnancies. Don't be too hard on yourself, you can't help the way you feel and there is no wrong way to feel.

My fiancee left me when I told him I can't bore children, and we were just 3 months away from actually getting married. Disappointed, obviously. But in a way I'm glad he ran off sooner, for now I know he can't keep the vow "In sickness or in health" part if we did get married. I said I can't bore children, I never said I don't want them. So I'm planning on adopting a child and devote my life towards raising him instead. A little health problem can't stop me from having my own family.

<p>I wanted to share. I was looking for people to reach out to and found this site. I as well can not have children. At the age of 16 I found of that I was born without a uterus. I have never had a period, never will. Most women think I am blessed. I feel like its a curse really. Yes no one likes the having one but you feel like you are missing something as a woman. Back to the subject. When I found out I couldnt have children I was shocked almost (haven't we all invisioned ourselves with babies at a young age). I felt that I moved on quickly. It didnt bother me. I was 16 no relationship, just young and wild. It was actually perfect for my life style. 3 years ago I met my Fiance. He is an amazing, smart, caring, loving man and father. Yes he has children already 4 kids. I am finding it had not to hate myself and my body knowing I cant give him anymore children which he wants badly. He would take as many kids as he can get!!! I cry a lot...I am hurt. I have never wanted to give someone something so bad... I want his child..I wish a miricle can happen and i grow a uterus overnight and bam I am pregnate! It never happens. I see all my friends and family with children yet I am the only one missing one. I donno how to stop feeling so angry and trying to push our family away because i feel me not having children is not going to work...we have looked into surrgacy.. but come on...I am not that well off to afford those types of procedures or paying the woman to carry it... Adopotion is not an option for us..When does this becoming easier...</P>

Boy, I hear your heart. I wish I could say it gets easier right away and the pain goes away. It will get easier with the passage of time, but the pain never completely goes away. It has been nearly 18 years since I had my life-changing hysterectomy and I'm well past the age where one thinks of raising kids. Yet, there are days when I have twinges of pain.

You are young and you never know what God might do in your life. You may not be able to give your fiance a child, but you can give him other things. Things such as a loving step-mother to his children, a companion that encourages him in his aspirations and a friend to those who are in similar situations.

You are not alone. Many of us cannot bear children, for whatever reason. It hurts and you must let it hurt, but don't stay in the place where all you think about is what you cannot have or do. Sometimes we think we will just die if our dreams don't come true, but it is only the dream which dies and we have the capability to create new dreams.

Its life long coping but my answer at present is when asked "Do you have family" ? My response "No unfortunately we have never been blessed with children, but I have a husband, a roof over my head and some great friends and for that I am grateful". That usually nips it in the bud!!! Its hard as you just presume at some point it will happen. Its devastating when you find out It can't for what ever reason. It puts pressures on you in ways you never imagined. If IVF is not an option or it has failed and other options are not available for you sometime you just have to step back and realise, Reality is, life will never go exactly the way we want it to, sometimes you have to be content with what you have and forget what you want. I do suggest for those struggling to move on, some counselling via your GP or some of the infertility support websites online available. Without them I would not have made it through the bad times. I hope this helps.

I'm 35 years old. I have two kids, but they were taken away by cps. Please no details, but they were taken due to cps lies. I had my tubes tied 6 1/2 years ago after my son was born. I want to have a baby with my new man, but can't because my tubes are tied. No money to have a surrogate, nothing. I miss my kids so much. Just because I want to have another kid don't mean I don't love my kids, because I do. I just would love to have a baby with my man. It really hurts when you don't have your kids to raise, can't afford a surrogate, and can't have no more kids, because my tubes are tied. Also it hurts when you have friends or family who can have kids, but I can't.

I am 32 years old. I come from a family of 5 children. Growing up I always new a wanted to start having kids at 18. I picture me surrounded by at least 6 children. I met my boyfriend when i was 17 years old n knew he was the one i wanted to be the father of my children. I thought getting pregnant would be a piece of cake since All my sibling had kids so easily, all they need to do is say the word baby n boom they were pregnant. Boy was i wrong, i didnt stress out at first but after 3 years of trying it became an obsession. I would go to healers that promise miracle drinks would do the trick or guarantee a pregnancy because all women who came to them would get pregnant. I finally decided to go to a specialist after my boyfriend cheated on me 5 years ago n got the girl pregnant. I was told i am fine but he has a low ***** count. My insurance covered only 3 inseminations. I prayed to God each time to please let it work. When it was time for my 3rd and last insemination my mother died of cancer n on the day of her wakening i had the last procedure done. I thought maybe my mom could help me from wherever she was n this time it would work. It did not and the doctor suggested IVF. We cannot afford the money to pay for the procedure much less to think about adoption and/or surrogacy. I am too like many of you tired of lying to people when they ask me when are we going to start having children. It is easier to lie and say not now then it is to say, when we can save enough money to pay for one. Sometimes i feel like there is a reason why we cannot have children together but the truth is i know its just a lie i tell myself to make me feel better. I do not understand how some horrible women can have kids every 10 months n not care for them n I who am ready to love n nurture one cant. I fear that i will die alone. I have considered going to the doctor n have him remove my uterus if all its good for is to give me cancer. But i am afraid of that too because i will means i could not have children ever definitely.

There are many ways of coping but they change from day to day.

When I was younger, I didn't want children. Not during my first marriage. I was actually glad we did not have kids. And I was a major birth control advocate. I was independent and free and looked at it differently. When I met my 2nd husband, he wanted a family, and I thought, you know, I want that too. I was in my early thirties and that is when I started to want a family.

I did 5 IVF procedures and one GIFT procedure that did not work, ultimately.
I spent our savings and put myself in serious debt for something that did not work out. I am still mad about that. And still paying for it. And now I am mad and sad that I started wanting something I never wanted before. And that I couldn't have.

It is sad thing to say but I find just not going to visit my family much actually keeps some of the pressure off of me. My brother has 6 kids and my sister has one. I love the kids but sometimes its hard for me and my family just does not get it. I live far away from my family so I have to travel to see them.
I also avoid FACEBOOK, I just do not want to see the hourly postings of people and their kids doing things constantly. I live far away from my family so I have to travel to see them.
Most of the time, I try to look at things positively. I can go where I like, no worries about spending money on school clothes and backpacks, no worries of my kids not doing well or worse, on drugs in rehab or jail.
It has been hard on my marriage and I have considered divorcing my husband on many occasions because I am preventing him from having a family of his own. I am trying to take each day as it comes and normally I am good, I can handle it, but then someone says, or you hear about, hey so and so got pregnant at 46 or so and so has a baby at 56 and so on and it will bother me. And I just tend to throw myself into work.

I am in a similar situation. Only that I have always wanted to have kids. I just was not ready to reproduce without having a man\'s support. When I was younger I dated a few guys, and I am really glad that I never married or had children with either one of them. I got married in my late 20s. It turned out that my husband had severe fertility problems. After years of expensive treatment including IVF and covered mostly by me, one fine morning I found myself 36y old and broke. I got divorced. It took me years to find another good man. At 47 I know that I have no chances to get pregnant and those days when I prayed to God are gone. Now I believe in science, data and statistics. How do I cope with childless life? I don\'t see my family too often, no Facebook, and no personal conversations at work. Fortunately in my office I am surrounded by stiff and \'professional\' people who do not dig into personal details too much. I also tend to often think about problem children that some of my friends have to deal with. What if I had kids and they developed a debilitating condition, or had drug, or another psycho-social problem? One never knows. Am I unhappy because I could not fulfill my biological duty? Yes... but I am not depressed.

im a mother of 2 and i have no one here is so difficult i wish have another parent for my kids because if anything happens to me they have no one care for them theirs always another way to be a parent

It's not my intent to be petty, but seeing this post made me very angry. I was born completely infertile and have a medical condition which renders the adoption process nearly impossible. I try to maintain a base level of respect for anyone's pain, and especially their sharing of it, but I feel like I would kill or die to have children of my own, even to be a single parent if it came to it, and I have a hard time feeling any empathy or compassion for parents most painful struggles because I'm profoundly jealous even of "**** times" had by parents. Most parents just DO NOT GET THIS. I don't mean to tell you what to do, but to a childless woman this (your post) comes of as something of a first world problem.

Hi all, thought I would share my experience so far! Don't know if I definetly can't have children but have been trying for 2 years. Have been on clomid with no joy and awaiting another appointment with dr! Both my partners sister and my brothers partners babies are due over next couple if months. As much as I'm happy for them selfishly I have found this very hard as one was not a planned pregnancy and the others had not been trying long! Both sides if the family are of course very excited and I want to be but can't help but feel sad and then guilty. I think we've got another round of treatment before referred for Ivf. Not sure however if I want to go down this road as trying is so overwhelming and don't want to feel like I'm putting my life on hold for many more years to come.
I'm sorry if I sound better because my story is much easier thus far that what many other and more brave people than me have had to go through!

I know exactly what you mean. My good friend just got pregnant while on her honeymoon. I\'m happy for her, but I can\'t help but get jealous (for lack of a better term). They weren\'t trying, and here we have been trying for over 2 years. It\'s tough bc ppl think I\'m mean since I\'m not overly excited, but they don\'t understand how hurt we are.

I hate the fact everyone i know seems to be getting pregnant. A work colleague first then my friend found out she was too! My sister is now talking about having another child, she has 2 children already. I feel ashamed sometimes, people ask my husband and i when were going to start a family and i dont know what to say. I used to say we dont want them or were happy on our own because its easier than saying we cant. Im glad i found this site because you here about other people not being able to have children but no one really talks about it.

It's really hard watching what feels like everyone around getting pregnant and feeling like you are the only one who isn't. I have spent years dealing with it and am only now finding ways of coping. Talking (or typing) about it with others who are facing it really does seem to help. Yes finding this site was great for me to it help just having a place to express my feelings. Keep opening up about it and letting your feelings out, its so far the biggest help I have found.

As sad as I was to read your stories, it also helped me a little. I'm 42yrs. old and have been married for almost 17yrs. My husband and I have tried for most of our marriage to conceive. We have had 4 miscarriages. He has two grown daughters and 5 grandchildren, whom I love dearly and am very grateful for, but still feel the deep sadness of not being able to be a mommy. The girls were older when we married and so we don't have that kind of relationship. After a lot of testing and no conclusive results, I was told that in all probability we would not be able to conceive and go full-term. We do nothing to prevent pregnancy, but haven't conceived in almost 6 yrs. I am a Christian and I know that God has a plan for each of us and in my head I have accepted that for whatever reason this isn't in His plan for me. But I just can't seem to get over the sadness and hurt. All around me family members are having babies. My older sister just had a late in life surprise, and I love my niece dearly but find it hard not to wish it was me. My step-daughters are both expecting babies this summer. My husband is a great support and truly tries to understand and in some ways feels the loss too, but since he has two girls he can't really understand. I find it hard to have dreams for the future because being a mom was the only thing I wanted to be growing up. I have worked as a nanny for many years and have been very close to the children I have cared for but it still isn't the same. I feel extremely alone in this and was really glad to find this site. My thoughts and prayers go out to all of you.

Thank you for posting. Now I know that I am not alone in this situation.

It hurts to see everyone around to have children but me! I'm blessed and I'm grateful for the blessings! I just wish things could have been different; not saying I would have been a good mother, just wish I had the chance to prove to myself I was worth it!

My story of abortion; infertility and then becoming fertile again.
http://truefeminismnaphtali.blogspot.com

Hi. I am 37 years old. When I was 33, I chose to have a hystectomy due to several health conditions, including endometriosis. I married my high school sweetheart when I was 29. We immediately began trying to get pregnant. After a year of trying we decided to seek the help of a fertility specialist. After weeks of testing and surgery for me to treat my endometriosis, the conclusion was that we both had issues. I wasn't producing many eggs and the eggs I was producing were unhealthy, and my husband had poor and sluggish *****. Our doctor recommended IUI or IVF. At that time, we did not have the money to pursue either option but we were hoping to try later on. After a few months had passed and with me being off of the pill, my cramps were so severe that I was having to miss work and miss out on other things because I was in so much pain. I went back to my gynecologist for help. We determined that the endometriosis was likely causing the pain. I also had several cysts on my left ovary and I had a retroverted uterus. I also had PID and kept bacteria infections. At this point in my marriage, my husband had resorted to alcohol abuse and was being unfaithful. I knew that my marriage was basically over and I was in so much pain, all I wanted was relief. In May of 2009, I chose to have a complete hysterectomy. In May of 2011, I filed for divorce. Though I don't regret either choice, I feel so unloveable because of my inability to conceive. I struggle with it daily, and cannot seem to get over it. I feel like no man would want to be with a woman who can't give him a child. I'm so glad I found this discussion because it helps to know I'm not alone in this world. Thank you all for sharing your stories and may God bless each of you.

When I had my hysterectomy nearly 17 years ago, I too felt unlovable. I believed I was less of a woman due to losing my ability to bear children. For years, I fought and struggled with the idea that I wasn’t much of a female, let alone a woman. My husband wasn’t much help at the time and I was angry at God for not making me like every other female I knew. However, with time, patience and considerable emotional effort over many, many years God has taught me I am what He wants me to be. I pray you will be able to grieve your loss and overcome the false feelings of inadequacy. You are no less special now than you were prior to your hysterectomy. I really don’t want to sound cliché, but time does heal all wounds. A hysterectomy leaves a scar to always remind you of what would not be, but a scar is just a hurt which has been mended.

Reading all your stories made me so sad and so broken but in the same token made me feel so good!! Just to know I'm not alone in my misery!! I'm 21 years old and was told at 19 I was unable to conceive !!! And it killed me inside!! My ex boyfriend. And I was together for 2 yrs i got with him at 17 and I was madly in love with him he was an older man he was 26. I stoppe using protection with him and contracted an std (Chlymidia) he was obviously with other women !!! And I had no symptoms of the std no discharge no foul smell nothing so I had the std for months and didn't know I went to do a physical for a new job and the doctor then called me back into her office to give me my results :( she then did a gyn check up and told me I had a lot of damage to my insides so I would be unable to conceive!! A year later I met my husband and he has three beautiful children he's 34 and one of my closest friends told him that I had an std and tht I was dirty and unable to have children and I was devastated but he has supported me 100% gods gift to me but I don't feel like a women bc I would never be able to give him a child and I want so bad to have a baby with him he's amazing and he loves me so much and wants me to have a baby and I cry to him every time a family member is pregnant I've avoided baby showers !!! And I see so many women who I feel should've never been able to be mothers their worthless women who go out clubbing every day but anyways ladies your not alone in this and thank you for your stories