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Infertile Women

Hi,

I would like to share experiences with women who can't have children. How do u cope at work etc?? It must be hard sometimes seeing women of ur age with babies or pregnant? please show way of coping.

elareen elareen 31-35 184 Responses Feb 13, 2008

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I'm 44..recovering from a hysterectomy. I have a grown daughter. My husband and I don't have children together. He has none. We have been married and tried to conceive for 7 years. 3 miscarriages and fail fertility treatment. I think he wants to leave me. He says I don't know how he feels since I have a child. He thinks I'm selfish to not want him to go. Adoption is not his preference. I'm just so torn and sad. I don't want to lose him but don't want him to resent me. Any words of wisdom or encouragement appreciated.

I am very happy today for what Doctor Atete has done for me with his spell after 10 years of marrying my husband i didn't know that he was having an affair. He was always cheating on me and each time i ask him why he will say that he has seen a better and more beautiful woman. I try to make him stop cheating on me but all my effort seems abortive until when my friend told me about Doctor Atete the great spell caster so i contacted him and explained everything to him and then he told me that he will wipe my tears with his spell totally and i will see result within 12 to 16 hours. I am very glad and proud that Doctor Atete is a man of his word because as i speak now my husband has change for better and him now loves and cherish me more than anything or anyone. Do you have problems and need help of any kind then Contact Doctor Atete today via Email: doctoratetespelltemple@hotmail.com or website: http://drzazazworldofpowerfulspellwebscom.webs.com or Whats-app: +2348068784784 or call him: +2348068784784 or +2347056505954

I am 39 yrs old and was told I couldn't have kids. I love kids and would love to have one but's not gonna happen. I have decided to just have a hysterectomy because it doesn't work so why keep it. I have known people who were told you can't have kids and they get pregnant and it hurts your happy because they are your friends. then you hear stories about who have them and mistreat them just don't care and say why not me why do they get what they don't want and I don't get what I want. I hate to be around pregnant people and babies because it hurts to bad.

i feel the same i have done ivf once and it didn't work and right after every one around me got pregnant my sister inlaw my friend and a few others but now my sister is having a baby i just can't bare it, I'm sorry for pain no one will ever understand like us because it is so easy for them

I am 42 years old and cannot have children either. It's very upsetting for me to be in any family/fun settings anymore with others that have children. I feel distant from society from not having kids of my own. I have been married 20 years, and my husband is now at a point in life where he doesn't want them even if we could conceive. I find it very upsetting to be around others at work, at stores, etc. when they start talking "baby talk" about how their kids are growing so fast, so smart in school, is pregnant again, etc, etc. I find myself angry most of the time and have to ostracize myself from my inlaws altogether from not feeling like I "fit in." We made some bad money decisions in the past 10 years, so this just compounded the stress I experience to not have children as well because my husband says we can't "afford them" even if we wanted them now. Holidays like Mothers Day, Easter, Christmas, are some of the hardest for me due to not having children during these "fun" holiday and celebrating being a "family." I pray for all of you out there going through similar experiences that God will fill the void of all of our hearts. My God bless you all to find your place in this world despite the void of motherhood.

I know exactly how some women feel I'm in the same situation rite now. I have a 19 year old son but I want to be blessed with more children some day I also had an eptopic pregnacy in 2011 I was so hurt when I lost those babies in still dealing with the pain today I feel useless at times but I continue to pray to God for his future blessing I.know some day it will come

Me and my partner have been ttc for 2 1/2 years we went to the ivf clinic but was denied treatment because my fsh was 11.2 now it's gone up to 13.1 im in bits because we have wanted a family of our own . Now that don't seem possible as they have said I will not be able to concieve . Any advice out there for me I'm 32 y ord .

I tried to get pregnant at 23. I had a Miranda IUD taken out. Two months later I was internally bleeding (burst ovary) and had 600 cc of blood removed. I later got pregnant and bled at 8 weeks, miscarried. Had a normal cycle before any bc. I've never had a regular cycle since 2007. Has anyone else had this issue?

Hiya, Just wanted to add a quick message to all the women out there that suffer too. I'm 20 years old and unable to have children due to medical reasons, I found out at the age of 15, when I found out i wasn't that bothered, I was too young to be thinking about my future as a parent, I was still at school and wanted to go out with my friend. Now at the age of 20 me and my boyfriend have been together for 5 year. We're in the process of buying our own house but one thing that always bothers me in that we will never have a family, It's really difficult to see and hear my friends talk about having a family but one thing my mum always told me is that: unfortunately life has its downs but for every down there must be an up. The more I think about that the more I realise it's true, I have amazing friends and family, a job I love, a boyfriend I love, I've travelled to many places and will continue to do so. As sad as not being able to have children is, my life could be a whole lot worse.

I am 43. I don't ovulate. I know I can take fertility drugs to make my body ovulate to I can have children. My story is a little different that yours but I think the pain I feel is quite similar.

I have been with my husband since I was 18. It took him 11 years to marry me. That should have been my first clue. We discussed having children after we tied the knot, but then after the wedding he informed me that he wasn't ready. I was ok with that. But for the next ten years I got promise after promise that we would have children. There was always just "one more project" to finish first, house renovations to finish first, then it was completing a contracted job to finish first. There was always an excuse. I feel lied too, and betrayed, promised something that was never going to happen. I sat down many times with my husband to discuss this, but 2 years ago I finally had a small breakdown. I became hysterical. I couldn't breath, I couldn't stop crying. I told him again how much it hurts not having kids and that I feel he lied to me, I told him everything. This wasn't the first time I had had this conversation with him, but this time I was very emotional. More than I had ever been in the past. I really thought that this time I got through to him. I did get the "I promise" speech again, but I actually thought he was going to keep this promise...... Guess what? He didn't follow through. I cry daily. I feel alone. I don't feel loved. I don't think he even cares. Oh, one more thing... we haven't had sex in about 5 years! Yup! As soon as I started taking fertility drugs, BAM! no more sex! Ever.

Now that I am 43 I find myself sitting and thinking... I wasted my life with this man, and I hate him for lying to me. I hurt so much. I'm writing this because I don't know how to cope with this. I feel this as a loss. I tell myself that God must have a reason. And I do believe that, but it hurts so much. I just need advice on how to deal with not being able to be a Mom.

i am so sorry for your pain i can't tell you how to deal with not being a mom because i struggle with this same thing everyday but i will tell you something i know life is full ups and downs and some people can have kids like nothing but we are not alone find something in your life to remind your life is still good with out being a mom, and maybe find away full that void the best way that you can

First I would like to say , to all of the women's on here that my hart go's out too you all. And you'll all be in my prayers. I'm 26 years old I got married young . I've been trying to be a mommy since 8 years now. When I was young I never had gotten my period normally. Never thought much on it till I got married of course. After the first year of marriage I stared trying to become pregnant. It never happen. I was very sad but never talked about it to anyone. Pretended that I didn't want children. After 3 years of trying we decided to go to fertility doctors which all of you ladies know how hard that is. Test after test after test later!!! I found out I have pcos and Also my husband has low ***** count. We was given a 3% chance of conceiving on are own. I was never so hurt in my life . It felt like a part of me had died. So we stared with treatment NO success. I am a strong believer in god and I throw myself in god not because I wanted blessing ( children ) because I wanted him to ease my pain and to really have a relationship with him. Not to long later
I found out I was pregnant I couldn't believe it!!!! At the time I was trying for 6 years! And I found out one day after my birthday it was a miracle. It was a blessing. After 4 moths I had a miscarriage. That's when I was at my worst. I never knew pain till then. We will never understand why theses things happen but I thank god that he got my husband and I though that rough time. It's been 2 years and I always think about my baby in heaven , always will. I still want children. It hurts when friends and family say I'm going to start to have kids and bomb they do. The only advice I can give you is first pray and seek god. God is near to the broken hearted. 2) enjoy life with your partner , traveling is always helpful to me when I get sad. And finally 3) talk about it with someone you trust and also your partner, they hurt too. Thanks for taking the time out and reading my stores.

Hi, I am a 35 year old woman whom has gone through your grief and wanted to give up but I didn't. For nine years I got pregnant and lost my child either to a miscarriage or premature birth. I cried all the time and was numb to the world. I had even given up on God and just felt like it just wasn't fair. My doctor and family even told me to give up having a child, but I just couldn't. Then one day this pastor got me back into church and believing in God. I started praying everyday and the grief started fading away and when I least expected it I got pregnant again. I was so scared, I did not even enjoy the pregnancy. I finally did have my daughter earily and she lived. I was so happy I thanked God and stayed praying and five years later I even had a baby boy. So do not let anyone tell you to give up. I lost eight kids, but I now have two so miracles do happen just believe that God will do it, he did it for me.

oh my gosh thank you for your story i need to hear this

I am a 40 year old woman who was told at 14 that I could never have children. I had ulcers and did not ever really have a period. So, when I was 21, the unexpected happened. I had a baby at 7 months. Asha Dey Marie. She died an hour after she was born. I never knew I was pregnant, neither did the Doctors, my family or my boyfriend. Every symptom was explained away by other conditions that I had. Now, I see these people with children and I get so resentful. My friend never wanted kids and when she was pregnant, acted like it was a nuisance. Now she loves her 5 year old son, but she does not get how much I wanted to smack her throughout her pregnancy and her first two years with her son, until she learned to appreciate him. My 13 year old niece just went into foster care and because if some Misdemeanor troubles my husband had over 10 years ago, we cannot have her. They would rather put her in a home of strangers or with her drug addicted mom who lost all her other kids or my drug addicted brother in law who loves to point the finger at everyone else when he has never been there for her. I have wanted kids all my life. All I have ever wanted was to be a mom. I turn on the TV and (I live in Vermont) all I see is parents who are abusing and killing their kids. There have been several cases thus year(2014). I have an excellent job taking care of the mentally ill and have done this for 13 years. My husband has a construction job and during their season, works long hard day's. I am not perfect, neither is he, but to not be foster parents even, why do all this jerks who do not take care of their kids get all the privileges? I have 3 nephews and another niece and all of my friends have kids. I have tried all my life to do the right thing and be a good role model, now I am just lost. I want to give up. I do not want to feel this empty anymore. I pray everyday and I feel at the end of my rope. God took my one and only baby and left me vacant. I don't think I have much more prayers left.

I recently read a book about loss and the author (a Christian man who lost his wife, mother and young daughter in a single automobile accident – drunk driver hit them) talks about loss NOT being like a broken bone which will heal with little showing on the surface. He said loss is more like an amputation – a visible, constant reminder complete with phantom pain from the lost limb. It is something you will deal with for the rest of your life. The closer to the time of the loss, the more painful it is, but the results of the pain (amputation) will always be with the person.

While we cannot (and should not) compare losses as each is profound and unique to the bearer, we can share our testimonies and encourage one another. Your loss is profound and you have daily reminders, but I want to encourage you not to give up on your prayers. God is still God and if life was fair there would be no need for His grace. I lost twins as a teenager (forced abortion) and at 36 had to have a hysterectomy to end severe endometriosis. This was the most difficult decision I ever had to make in my life and God was the only one I had to get me through.

At the time, my 3 sisters all had children; two were “oops”. Everyone I knew was having children and it seemed like pregnant women were everywhere, some even grumbling about being pregnant. Seven years after my hysterectomy, my niece became pregnant and was terrible sick. Everyone went on about how bad they felt for her, but I couldn’t get on the “poor niece” wagon. I would have gladly accepted all the sickness to be in her shoes. Women with children don’t understand this attitude.

I share this so you know I have a testimony too. Please don’t give up. You said you are at the end of your rope, but Jesus hangs out at the end of ropes. I’d like to tell you the empty goes away, but it doesn’t. What does happen is it stops haunting you every day when can accept you are what God has made you to be. You’ll have days when it is more difficult than others to deal with your pain, but the days will become moments with the passage of time. After nearly 19 years since my hysterectomy, I still hibernate on Mother’s Day and turn my phone off so I don’t have to hear yet another person make the assumption that I’m a mother. But this has become a moment, not a day.

Pain can make you stronger or it can destroy you. It’s a tough choice to make, but choosing the former is worth the effort, frustration and heartache. Grief, sorrow and pain are loss’s companions, but Jesus has overcome the troubles of this world. Please don’t give up. Take one day at a time and before you know it, you’ll have a day when you don’t think about what you don’t and can’t have.

I find that lately, given the situation of my niece, I have been going through the stages of grief again. I kept comparing my loss with losing the right to foster my niece.

It is true that each person's loss is unique and profound. I guess that is why sometimes I feel like an island.

You have no idea how my I needed that reminder. Thank you so very much. Your gentle nudge helped me to see a tiny light through the fog.

I'm 24 years old, at 7 I was told I would never be able to have children. Of course at this age you don't understand. I forgot about it till I had met my then fiance at 17. Being unable to have children has made me feel broken. I feel inadequate, and it does hurt. My friends believe I just don't want them, its simpler then seeing the constant pity that always tags along when children are mentioned. Sometimes its not about how often you try, sometimes you just can't... I've known basically my entire life.. But just recently its hit me. It feels like I've lost a part of me that was never mine.

i can't cope most days ... I work at a pre -primary school. I love it there and couldn't ask for anything better, but lately everyone around me falls pregnant . Ican't handle this. it's breaking me inside, i dont know what to do. and i don't know who to talk to .

I was told when I was 9 years old that I wouldn't be able to have children, not without huge risk to myself or the kid. Back then it didn't seem like such a big deal but now i'm 18 just about to leave school and start life and I have no idea what I am supposed to do with it, to be all alone and unable to do the one thing all most all women can do, the one thing I wish above all other things I could do. You see, I'm not infertile in the least, I have a genetic bone disorder-which has caused bones/lumps to grow all over my pelvis. If I were to become pregnant, the baby would be unable to grow properly and will abort/miscarriage itself and if it didn't i would have to have it prematurely removed by c-section, which risks the babies health as well as mine. It would have my disease 10 times worse then me and maybe more due to it's underdevelopment. If I did have it naturally the doctors say that I risk my life and the baby as the bones are in the way of the birth canal and the baby would not be able to pass risking me to bleed out. So, no I am not infertile but I wish I was in a way. It's a cruel joke indeed to have the ability to do something, but at the same time have so many things preventing you from accomplishing the only thing I want.

Well i have been married for 14 years and still no luck 2surgerys only to find out that my fimbrae fingers are damaged.i cry alot ivf is so expensive nowadays. It hurts alot but what can you do

ATTN!!!
I'm very happy to inform ya all that all hope isn't lost at all. this message is to the BARREN WOMEN, IMPOTENT MEN, and any one in-need of the fruit of the WOMB.
My NAME is EVEETY HO KATE from the STATES.
I was Married for about 18 years and was unable to conceive. i have done series of Test and the Result was that i wont be able to bear any CHILD because i was BARREN.
I cried and cried because my Husband threatened to get married to someone else. I shared my marriage story with my parent in France and they told me about a spell caster that help auntie MISSIE cast a pregnancy spell when she needed a male child. i contacted the spell caster and told him about my BARRENNESS.
Just within 2 days, He prepared a Cleansing spell rival and sent it to me which i applied and felt a big changes in my body.
2 months later, i was pregnant and i gave birth just 1 week ago. am not yet strong but i wish to inform you all about him. if you need his help you can email him on lamanospellalter@yahoo.com or call him on +2348135738602
WARMS REAGRDS`
My email is eveety.hokate@gmail.com

ATTN!!!
I'm very happy to inform ya all that all hope isn't lost at all. this message is to the BARREN WOMEN, IMPOTENT MEN, and any one in-need of the fruit of the WOMB.
My NAME is EVEETY HO KATE from the STATES.
I was Married for about 18 years and was unable to conceive. i have done series of Test and the Result was that i wont be able to bear any CHILD because i was BARREN.
I cried and cried because my Husband threatened to get married to someone else. I shared my marriage story with my parent in France and they told me about a spell caster that help auntie MISSIE cast a pregnancy spell when she needed a male child. i contacted the spell caster and told him about my BARRENNESS.
Just within 2 days, He prepared a Cleansing spell rival and sent it to me which i applied and felt a big changes in my body.
2 months later, i was pregnant and i gave birth just 1 week ago. am not yet strong but i wish to inform you all about him. if you need his help you can email him on lamanospellalter@yahoo.com or call him on +2348135738602
WARMS REAGRDS

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I found out I was infertile at the age of 13. I was diagnosed with Turners Syndrome. I wasn't really prepared for how I would feel as I got older. I've always known I wanted children and I was upset when I found out but obviously I was still young so didn't know how upsetting it would be as I got older. I am now 21 and suddenly the world is having babies. My sister has a beautiful baby girl and two of my friends have lovely babies. I enjoy being around them obviously l. But it really upsets me because it just reminds me of what I can't have. Don't get me wrong I am so happy for them and I love their little monkeys, but it's hard. I have really bad days sometimes where I don't know whether to be angry and upset. I hate the fact that people who are useless parents get children and it seems all the good people are just left childless! It just seems so bloody unfair! Some days I just cry and don't know what to do with myself. I work with children as I thought 'its as close as I'm going to get' and it helped me for a while. But now I am finding it really hard and come home upset. I can't help but think 'what the hell is wrong with me, what kind of girl can't even have babies'. I know I am only 21 but I am really starting to find it hard. I've always wanted someone in my life to call me Mummy. When I was younger, my Mum used to say 'I want, don't get' ... Ironic huh? Because I want a baby, and I can't have one! Please tell me it gets easier?

Just found out today on fathers day. I don't know weather to be angry, or a reck. I'm upset because I have a lot of girls that are my age that are popping them out like there a machine. I'm not saying I wanted kids now but I wanted to start after I finished doing all the things I wanted to do. But at this point i just want to yell Its not fair. I know life isn't fair but this sucks. Just one more bad thing after another it seems like.

I am not in your position, and it must be very hard. I do have some words of comfort, though. Families can be forever. Because of the resurrection of Jesus, you can receive your body again. If you have been sealed to your spouse in the temple, you can have posterity in the next life. I know that sounds impossible, but it is the truth. The power that Peter had in bible days to bind families on earth and in heaven is restored through the church of Jesus Christ of Latter day Saints. Please go to mormon.org to chat with missionaries.

Oh please. You are preaching your religion, not an understanding of what it means to be childless or facing childlessness. I know something of the Mormon religion (Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints) and I find no comfort in your words. You cannot understand something you are not and it sounds like you are not infertile. (I am grateful for your sake.)

You're coming from a view point of a religion which believes Jesus and Satan are brothers, that men determine whether or not women go to heaven (women must be submissive enough here on earth) and that if you do good works you (a man only) can become a god of his own planet. This is not comforting to someone who cannot bear a child, but I’m it sounds like you cannot truly understand this pain.

I severely question your "truth". I also genuinely hope you never understand what it means to be infertile and I pray you will come to know the genuine truth that Jesus Christ is the only begotten Son of God and what this means for eternal life.

You... I applaud

I just found out I can't have children

have nt u email d spell castr???

It's not fair that unfit mothers keep popping out babies

Amen

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I am 23 and was diagnosed with Bipolar Type 2 disorder 2 years ago. I am not on lithium, but I am on another medication that has to totally balance me out. It's not as harsh as lithium, but I'll have to be on it for the rest of my life. It causes major birth defects and if I were to get off of the medication, the combination of hormonal changes and my bipolar would put me at very high risk for postpartum psychosis. The idea of that is absolutely terrifying as it can lead to mental break downs, no bond between mother and child, and, worst case, infanticide. I've never been the maternal sort, never played "house" or "mommy" as a kid and I was never sure if I wanted to be a mother at all. I don't feel much around babies or kids. They're cute, but they don't interest me. It makes me feel like a bad person because I don't fawn over kids. Now that having my own isn't an option anymore, I am having a really hard time accepting it. I'm not sexually active, but when I do become so, it means that I will most likely have to look at getting my tubes tied because it could be life threatening for me to get pregnant. I know it sounds dramatic, but you can't mess around with bipolar. Adoption never felt right to me either so I feel like I'm never going to find anyone. It's just something I never thought I'd have to consider as my situation is different because I am physically healthy and able to have children, but at the same time, I can't. All of my friends around me are getting married and having babies and just don't seem to understand. They just assume that it's not a big deal because I was never sure in the first place, but you don't realize what you have until it is taken away from you.

I hope that this helps other women with mental illness and other young women out there that you are not alone. There are others like us that struggle a lot. Like someone said, I just have to talk a lot and get my feelings out.

Hi,

I completely understand…. I have been infertile for 9 years now. I would love to tell you that it gets better and I’m sure for some it does…but for me it’s always been extremely hard. I’m a Senior Account Executive that is out with customers every day. The first question always asked is “so how many children do you have” I used to lie and make up some story….now I just tell the truth.. it’s liberating, although it does stop the conversations for a few seconds  I understand where you’re your at….people just don’t care…they talk about their kids..show you pics…ask you to hold them…expect you to be happy. Inside you cry…go into the bathroom and ask why? For me the best way to heal is to talk…and talk and talk…tell people how you feel…don’t keep it in.

For myself, being an IT professional.. I want to start a WEB site for women like us. I know Resolve exists but I want a WEB site that we can share stories at….talk to someone if we need to. Share something that might make each other happy.

If you need to talk…please feel free to reach out.

Hi Alinker, it's so jolly hard isn't it. I'm 35 years old and can't have children. When I was 23 I had an ovarian cyst the size of a watermellon. I was left with a 17cm scar that changed my body shape and left me with a severed fallopian tube and a heap of internal scaring, and part of an overy removed. After my op my hormones went beserk. It was so humiliting when I would weep over some random event that would normally be easy to deal with or at times for no reason at all.
My surgeon advised me that it would be very difficult to fall pregnent. So I spent the next 5 years or so trying. After about 3 years, I decided to come to terms with the fact that I may not be able to conceive. It was a process that took me a long time. I filled my life with literature, great music and learning to ride a motorbike. I finally found myself in a good space where I was looking to the future in a positive way.
Then 3 years ago I left my husband - who turned out to be a controlling pyscho, literally, - after 3 months of marriage- moved into a flat, shared a bottle of gin and slept with my 19 year old flatmate. Horray! I feel pregnent! I was the happiest I had ever been! I went to the hospital for all my checkups and was advised that my bub bub was in my fallopian tube, an eptopic pregnacy. They needed to operate and cut out my fallopian tube with my beautiful baby - going on 3 months.
As you can imagine, I was devastated! and still am. Now that's it. One severed fallopian tube, one not even there and a heap of internal scarring. No children for me.
It's heartbreaking!
The worst thing is when you confide in someone and they come out with the story of a friend who tried for ages to have kids and thought it wasnt going to happen and now they have twins and a bouncing baby girl. Its the worst! Its like people think that you dont want to have kids and thats why you dont. no one wants to hear that its medical and how difficult it is not having a wee family.
Anyhow, it has been 3 years since loosing my tiny Autumn Harry and I still dont know what to do with myself. but Im going to try to find happiness. It's going to take a lot of determination and strength, but I beleive happiness can be achieved! It's time to look to the positive!

Hi, I am unable to have kids as well, questioning my ability to have kids and found out 2 yrs ago that partner can't have kids either. Would really like to connect with you. Feeling a little lost, but hopeful and would like to share with ppl.

I want to share my testimony and also thank prophet Adams for what he has done for me, Am so happy today and i have stopped thinking. After my husband Rick left me for another woman because I can't give him a baby and that he hates me, i cried because i really loved Rick with all my heart. Then i decided to come online and look for a spell caster to help me bring back Rick, Until God directed prophet Adams to me. When i met prophet Adams i was thinking his not real, But he told me to give him a chance that what will he gain if he adds more pain to my pain,That all he want his my happiness. So i decided to give him a chance, and he told me that Rick will be back to my arms within 48hours and I will be pregnant and have a baby,i said okay truly when prophet Adams casted this spell my lover Rick called me and said he wanted to tell me something i was shocked, He told me that i should forgive him, That he loves me with all his heart and promise never to leave me till the rest of his life. Prophet Adams also told me that ones Rick comes back to me he is going to buy me a gift. Rick Bought me a Brand New Car, And i also had access to his account to prove to me that he will never leave me and now am pregnant. You can contact prophet Adams for any kind of help and he will never disappoint you. His email - dradamsjohnsoncentre12@gmail. com

I'm thankful to have found this page. Right now my wife and I are trying to have our first child, but no luck. Her left tube is either blocked or nonexistent and the first treatment of IUI failed. During the process and leading to the the first IUI failing we've had plenty of arguments. Even now she's frustrated and upset with me. She looks for any thing to get upset with me about.

At first I thought she was being crazy or holding on to old things in her past and our past as a couple (some situations I found myself in were misunderstood and my wife thought I wanted someone else). She already doubts herself in terms of looks and thinks I want a more fit woman. That's not the case. I love my wife with all my heart, even when she told me she may or may not be able to have children, I still married her and will never regret it.

I know she's going through so much. I know as her husband I want to make things alright and help her through it. After reading comments and stores so far I've come to learn it's patience and understanding that I have to show her. Thank each and every one of you ladies for sharing your stories. I'm so hurt cause I want to help my wife and it's frustrating cause she pushes me away. I want to understand her feelings and be there. This forum has helped me greatly.

I wish the best for all you ladies. I wish the best for all the men who commented as well. I pray and hope my wife gets past this. I pray she doesn't think that us being apart will make things right. I want to be with her. Regardless of a child of or own not, regardless of adoption or not. She's my world

Thank you. It is nice to hear from a gentleman. My husband and I went through 2 IUIs – one ended in a miscarriage and the other was ineffective. That was nearly 19 years ago and we have no children together. Please, do not take that as an omen for you and your wife.

It is nice to hear your heart towards your wife. I trust you have shared with her what you have shared here. If not, you should have her read it. It’s never a bad thing to reveal your heart, especially with the one you've committed to share your life with.

I suspect your wife isn’t as upset with you as you may think. When we were trying to get pregnant, I often felt anger at my husband until I realized it wasn’t him, it was the situation and me. I had all the right parts, but they were not functioning properly. I had to pay a doctor to help me get pregnant when everyone else I knew only had to say “It’s time to get pregnant” or “Oops, I’m pregnant.” I had to go the extra mile to chart my monthly cycle and “time” sex when teenage girls were having babies. All because I had a body which didn’t work properly. It was unfair and I was totally focused on myself and getting pregnant.

Your wife may be trying so hard to have a child, not only to please you, but to prove she’s not abnormal. The stress she may be feeling, and even self-generating, can be extremely overwhelming. Since pregnancy also depends on the man, it’s easy to take one’s frustrations out on them, especially when his body is functioning as it should. It’s hard for a woman not to feel like they are alone in the process of getting pregnant when it is not happening. I know this sounds strange, but it is true. We feel alone because we often feel like a man just doesn’t understand. While I know this isn’t true, the emotions at the time are so intense we (women) can often seem unreasonable. I wanted desperately to place the blame my husband and was horrified when I learned I was the problem. Life is unfair, and it’s worse when it is unfair in the most basic of human reproduction, which nearly everyone takes for granted.

You may find that there is nothing you can do to make things right. It’s beyond your control. Guys are wonderful in that they want to fix everything especially for those they love. They get frustrated when they can’t fix it. You both are severely affected by your current situation and neither one of you knows what to do. The best thing you can do is to turn to each other and share everything. I cannot stress enough how important open and honest communication is for you and your wife. Both of you are scared and in uncharted territory.

Your wife will never “get past this” unless she bears a child. Even then, she’ll bear the scars of trying. It’s been 18 years since I had my hysterectomy and I am not “past” not having a child. I’ve adjusted and am happy with my life, but it was a struggle getting to this point. Hold on to one another and to God. He’ll get you through this and through life.

Thank you for a response. I honestly was checking daily to see if someone would respond.

It is tough and honestly it feels worse. I came home from my trip to Thailand. My wife was still upset over the event that occurred while I was there. (No infidelity but her view of the situation made her upset). I kept my distance and talked to her when she spoke to me. The first thing out of mouth when I got home was, "I'm still upset and I don't want to be in the same bed with you right now". I took it as such and kept to myself. It seems as though she's looking to pick a fight and when I give in, we argue. Even her mother tells her to stop enticing me and tells me to not fall into it. Even now I'm sleeping in the other room and she asks me "am I still not talking to her". Even though she wanted me to give her space and bother her. It's a double edge sword for me. I can not entertain the situation and she looks at me like I have the problem and if I entertain and try to tell her how I feel, she claims it's a pity party. Even when I say I'll listen she doesn't want to talk. Says, "you should know, I've already told you".

I know it's more to it then what she speaks of, but she won't admit it. I was glad to see the part where you said, "you realized it wasn't your husband, but you". She said "I'm not happy with myself right now. If I can't be happy with myself, then I can't be happy with you and our marriage." I was glad to hear she admitted to that, I knew it was part of the reasons, but now I'm scared.

I want to be supportive, I want to hold her and be there for her. The most I could tell her during our argument was, "if you need time away then I'm fine with it. Go to your mom's house. I'll still pay our bills and be supportive of it. If you need the time to see how you feel then it's fine. If you want to stay together afterwards, I'm more than happy and if not I'll be sad, but I'll respect your decision."

She's currently going to see an individual counselor cause she didn't want to go as a couple. She's working on her now. As for me, I'm doing the same, but I haven't told her. I've tried showing her this site but she didn't want to. I feel that if I tell her what I'm doing, where I've been writing, she'll feel like I'm just copying and not honestly supporting her. So for now, I'm keeping it to myself until the time is right.

I'm scared she'll leave me Grace. That's my biggest fear. I love every bit of her, the good, the bad, the moments of laughter and arguments. The romance and straight silly. I knew this may come to pass, but I feel like she's forgotten that I told her I would be with her regardless. I can't stop shaking when I'm around her. I'm nervous, edge of tears and trying to stay strong for her. Even when I showed her how much I care about the situation she blows it off. So I hold it in.

I do hope God shows her I'm here for her. Her mother tells her that. But she's stubborn. I know it will take time, but I hope the time or end result doesn't have her walk out of my life. I'll stay strong do what I can. Your situation has helped me greatly. I cried reading your response. I definitely feel like someone understands me, I truly do. Thank you so much for taking time out of your life and marriage to help me. Even if it's a few words I appreciate it so much.

Add a response...I too, find it so hard to see friends when they are pregnant, I try avoidance tactics, I actually find myself getting anxious at the thought of seeing them. After 17 years of having this feeling, going through my 20's, 30's and now 40's pretending to be excited every time a friends tells me their news, feeling like a total failure as a woman and not having anyone to talk to about it, I have now found out one of my friends, who is 42 this year and never wanted kids, she wanted a cat, is pregnant, so I have another 6 months of playing the avoidance card. <br />
The reason I can't have kids is that I went through the early menopause at 24, and my medical issues would prevent me ever being able to have kids, even through IVF.<br />
I feel rotten about how I feel, but cannot help it. <br />
I love children and babies it is just pregnant women I can't cope with, glad I'm not alone.

I just found this site, and I hope that I'm welcome here. My inability to have children is not medical Well, it is in part, but part of it is choice. I'm legally blind. I have various genetic deformities within the eye that prevents me from having anything better than 20/200 vision. I've spoken with geneticists, and they basically say....save the money, your children will have vision just as bad as yours or worse. This is devastating to me because my vision is impacted my life in so many ways. It's difficult for me to move up the ranks within the jobs I have because of the prejudices regarding my vision. I haven't been able to go out and get groceries, get to the doctor, etc....at least not until I met my husband who drives me where I need to go. My life has been difficult, and I grew up asking my mother why she had me if she KNEW I'd be legally blind. Now that I'm at the age to have children, I don't want to have a biological one because I'm terrified he or she would have even worse vision than mine. People have handicapped children and of course love them, but I think it would be selfish of me to have one while KNOWING they'd have a handicap. On top of that, I have MS. the medication I take for this is very powerful, and causes birth defects. So i'd have to go off my medication to have a child, which is also not so good for me. So, having a biological child is out of the question. Although I'm not infertile per se, I break down in tears when I see pictures of people with their babies on facebook. I feel horribly uncomfortable at parties with all guests entertaining their children. I feel sick to my stomach when I'm invited to baby showers. I wish more than anything my husband and I could have a child and just have the CHANCE to have a healthy baby. Although adoption is an option, it's a ridiculously expensive one. It's over 40,000, and due to the prejudices regarding my vision, I haven't been hired at a public school. I'm teaching part time at a private school making less than 20,000, so adoption is out of the question. DCF adoptions are affordable, but you have to be okay with potentially dealing with the child returning to their birth parents. This is great for the child, but devastating for the foster parents. So my choices are go off my medication and bring a child into this world that would DEFINITELY be legally blind, go into massive debt for years and years to adopt ONE child privately, or adopt a child for free that has gone through various forms of neglect/abuse and can be taken away from you only to go back to the parents that abused or neglected them. Sure, you can SAY I'm making a choice, but I'd say all three of those are pretty crappy. I've been horribly depressed, and I can't even seek therapy because I'm under contract with an adoption agency right now (in case I get full time work and can somehow afford this expensive adoption process) and if you're undergoing any counseling, everything you say is shared with the adoption agency and the birth mother that has to choose you. So no counseling for me. It's difficult to talk to my friends because they all have kids. And I can't even really share this with my husband because he's very stoic. He just thinks when it's meant to be, it will be. that's great for him, but I'm not in that positive place right now. I feel broken because I can't have a potentially healthy baby. I feel a great sense of loss that I can't have a biological child, yet my husband isn't sharing the pain with me. I want desperately to know someone is mourning with me, but my husband just doesn't process things like this the way I do. He's not an emotional being.

To answer your question, all I can do right now is pray. I also try to talk to single friends......babies aren't even really on the horizon for them, so I don't end up giving them a guilt trip when I talk about this pain with them. Also, if you are not going through an adoption process, you can seek therapy and your therapist can give you great coping mechanisms for dealing with the pain/loss. You might even have a support group near you as well.

I hope you find some comfort somehow. -sigh- I hope I do, too! :(

"I want desperately to know someone is mourning with me..." I am mourning with you, dear one, as I'm sure others on this site are as well. You are NOT alone.

No offense to men, but they are not the emotional creatures women are. They want to "fix" it and this isn't something that can be fixed. If men can't fix it, then they seem to turn their backs on it. Don't give up on him. I'm sure he cares; he just doesn't know how to show it.

Prayer is the best thing you can do right now. You are between a rock and a hard spot, and you're feeling alone. But, if you're praying, you should know you are never alone. God said "Never will I leave you or forsake you."

I don't know how your mother answered you when you asked her why she had you when she knew you'd be blind, but I would like to share something which occurred in my life. An 8 year old child died of a terminal illness and our small town was devastated. This was shortly after my dream ending hysterectomy. I was asked if I would have a child knowing I would only have that child for 8 short years. Without hesitation, I answered an emphatic "Yes." To bring a child into the world and show them the love of God, even if for just a few short years, would have added to my life in ways I could not possibly imagine. As difficult as your life may be, I suspect your mom is VERY grateful for your life. I'm grateful for it too because you have made a difference in the lives of those you have touched and will continue to make a difference to others in the future.

You know, doctors can be wrong. Did they factor in your husbands health and family history? The two of you should seek a second opinion.

As for baby showers - Don't go. I find it easier to not go to them rather than to go and pretend to be happy and not let my pain show. It's OK to stay away. After all, you don't put your hand in boiling water because you know it's going to hurt.

Thank you for your kindness. <3 I'm trying to be patient with him. I know men experience emotions differently. As for doctors - the gene is dominant. We've gotten second and third opinions. Plus, there's still the issue with getting pregnant while on my MS medication. My concern regarding not going to baby showers is that if I want people to celebrate w/ me w hen I adopt or foster, I feel my heart should be big enough to celebrate when others are pregnant. I don't know - I guess it's just a goal if mine to get to a point where I can go and not feel terrible. I should be happy for my friends, it's just so hard :( I'll continue to pray though.

I'm 32 years old been with my husband since I was 18 years old. I've been sick with one thing or another for most of my life. In 2005, I started having urinary tract infections that would not go away, followed by having to urinate 20-30 times a day. My OB-Gyn told I was too young to have over active bladder, so I continued to experience these symptoms and just didn't say anything about it. By April 2011, I could no longer take it, I went back to my OB-Gyn and she did an extremely painful test and then told me I have Interstitial Cystitis. She told me nothing else about this disease of the bladder, just gave me something to read on it and the only presc<x>ription FDA approved for this disease. She didn't want to give me any pain medication, so I started looking for a specialist in this field which was very hard. Only 5 doctors specialize in IC in the US, I finally saw my new doctor in September and he confirmed my diagnosis of IC on 10/30/2011 in the OR by doing a bladder hydrodistention, and biopsy. Since there is no cure for this disease all my doctor can do is treat the symptoms with medication, medical equipment, and surgery. My frequency of urination became so bad to the point I was going every 15 minutes, it was decided I needed to have a bladed pacemaker installed, thus was done in December 2012. I have to take 11 medications daily due to Interstitial Cystitis and I have other medical conditions I have to deal with also. <br />
<br />
I tell you all of this because this is the reason I can't have children. I cannot come off of my medications because I would be so sick and would not be able to function and the pacemaker would kill my child immediately upon conception (this is something I didn't know when. I made the decision to get it).<br />
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My younger brother had his firth child June 25, 2013. It was a strange time for me, I had to tell his girlfriend, who will soon be my sis-in-law, that I wasn't able to have a baby so if my emotions every changed around her or Brayden Lee that it was thee or Bray, it was because I couldn't have a baby. She was very understanding to my feelings and we had a good conversation.<br />
<br />
a few weeks ago, my cousin announced she's pregnant. She did this by posting a video on Facebook, I was only able to watch maybe 1 minute of the video before I began crying out of control. This cousin is already a very self absorbed person, so it's going to take forever for the end of August to get here. <br />
<br />
I thought I had dealt with my feelings about not being to have a baby. I'm a Christian and I believe strongly that God has a reason for everything and I've gotten peace from God about this. But when my cousin made her announcement all my anger came back and it came back stronger. I've always loved babies and children and have always wanted to have children. I was the teenager that was always around babies and young children. Everyone tells me to adopt a child, I can't adopt a child with my medical problems and I don't feel God wants me to adopt.

I am in the jealous state about having children. I am finding it difficult to be happy for others when I feel I deserve what they have. It sounds silly and immature but its how I deeply feel. I am constantly reminded I don't have a child and it seems like people who don't want or cant parent a child properly are having them. My husband try to look to the positive side and say one day it will happen. But sometimes being positive is not what I want. I want someone to share the pain and the unfairness. Im in my last few months before I finally say adoption may be an option. Im pro adoption but I think there are going to be alot of stages to then cope with and get over the idea of birthing my own child. People look at it like oh your lucky you didn't have to give birth but I pray I could have the chance to give birth to go through 9 months and creating a baby.

It does not sound silly or immature for you to be jealous of people who are pregnant or who having a baby. I feel the same way. It almost makes me sick at times, so I understand. I can't stand to see my friends on Facebook post pictures of their newborns or their pregnancies. Don't be too hard on yourself, you can't help the way you feel and there is no wrong way to feel.

My fiancee left me when I told him I can't bore children, and we were just 3 months away from actually getting married. Disappointed, obviously. But in a way I'm glad he ran off sooner, for now I know he can't keep the vow "In sickness or in health" part if we did get married. I said I can't bore children, I never said I don't want them. So I'm planning on adopting a child and devote my life towards raising him instead. A little health problem can't stop me from having my own family.

<p>I wanted to share. I was looking for people to reach out to and found this site. I as well can not have children. At the age of 16 I found of that I was born without a uterus. I have never had a period, never will. Most women think I am blessed. I feel like its a curse really. Yes no one likes the having one but you feel like you are missing something as a woman. Back to the subject. When I found out I couldnt have children I was shocked almost (haven't we all invisioned ourselves with babies at a young age). I felt that I moved on quickly. It didnt bother me. I was 16 no relationship, just young and wild. It was actually perfect for my life style. 3 years ago I met my Fiance. He is an amazing, smart, caring, loving man and father. Yes he has children already 4 kids. I am finding it had not to hate myself and my body knowing I cant give him anymore children which he wants badly. He would take as many kids as he can get!!! I cry a lot...I am hurt. I have never wanted to give someone something so bad... I want his child..I wish a miricle can happen and i grow a uterus overnight and bam I am pregnate! It never happens. I see all my friends and family with children yet I am the only one missing one. I donno how to stop feeling so angry and trying to push our family away because i feel me not having children is not going to work...we have looked into surrgacy.. but come on...I am not that well off to afford those types of procedures or paying the woman to carry it... Adopotion is not an option for us..When does this becoming easier...</P>

Boy, I hear your heart. I wish I could say it gets easier right away and the pain goes away. It will get easier with the passage of time, but the pain never completely goes away. It has been nearly 18 years since I had my life-changing hysterectomy and I'm well past the age where one thinks of raising kids. Yet, there are days when I have twinges of pain.

You are young and you never know what God might do in your life. You may not be able to give your fiance a child, but you can give him other things. Things such as a loving step-mother to his children, a companion that encourages him in his aspirations and a friend to those who are in similar situations.

You are not alone. Many of us cannot bear children, for whatever reason. It hurts and you must let it hurt, but don't stay in the place where all you think about is what you cannot have or do. Sometimes we think we will just die if our dreams don't come true, but it is only the dream which dies and we have the capability to create new dreams.

Its life long coping but my answer at present is when asked "Do you have family" ? My response "No unfortunately we have never been blessed with children, but I have a husband, a roof over my head and some great friends and for that I am grateful". That usually nips it in the bud!!! Its hard as you just presume at some point it will happen. Its devastating when you find out It can't for what ever reason. It puts pressures on you in ways you never imagined. If IVF is not an option or it has failed and other options are not available for you sometime you just have to step back and realise, Reality is, life will never go exactly the way we want it to, sometimes you have to be content with what you have and forget what you want. I do suggest for those struggling to move on, some counselling via your GP or some of the infertility support websites online available. Without them I would not have made it through the bad times. I hope this helps.

I'm 35 years old. I have two kids, but they were taken away by cps. Please no details, but they were taken due to cps lies. I had my tubes tied 6 1/2 years ago after my son was born. I want to have a baby with my new man, but can't because my tubes are tied. No money to have a surrogate, nothing. I miss my kids so much. Just because I want to have another kid don't mean I don't love my kids, because I do. I just would love to have a baby with my man. It really hurts when you don't have your kids to raise, can't afford a surrogate, and can't have no more kids, because my tubes are tied. Also it hurts when you have friends or family who can have kids, but I can't.

I am 32 years old. I come from a family of 5 children. Growing up I always new a wanted to start having kids at 18. I picture me surrounded by at least 6 children. I met my boyfriend when i was 17 years old n knew he was the one i wanted to be the father of my children. I thought getting pregnant would be a piece of cake since All my sibling had kids so easily, all they need to do is say the word baby n boom they were pregnant. Boy was i wrong, i didnt stress out at first but after 3 years of trying it became an obsession. I would go to healers that promise miracle drinks would do the trick or guarantee a pregnancy because all women who came to them would get pregnant. I finally decided to go to a specialist after my boyfriend cheated on me 5 years ago n got the girl pregnant. I was told i am fine but he has a low ***** count. My insurance covered only 3 inseminations. I prayed to God each time to please let it work. When it was time for my 3rd and last insemination my mother died of cancer n on the day of her wakening i had the last procedure done. I thought maybe my mom could help me from wherever she was n this time it would work. It did not and the doctor suggested IVF. We cannot afford the money to pay for the procedure much less to think about adoption and/or surrogacy. I am too like many of you tired of lying to people when they ask me when are we going to start having children. It is easier to lie and say not now then it is to say, when we can save enough money to pay for one. Sometimes i feel like there is a reason why we cannot have children together but the truth is i know its just a lie i tell myself to make me feel better. I do not understand how some horrible women can have kids every 10 months n not care for them n I who am ready to love n nurture one cant. I fear that i will die alone. I have considered going to the doctor n have him remove my uterus if all its good for is to give me cancer. But i am afraid of that too because i will means i could not have children ever definitely.

There are many ways of coping but they change from day to day.

When I was younger, I didn't want children. Not during my first marriage. I was actually glad we did not have kids. And I was a major birth control advocate. I was independent and free and looked at it differently. When I met my 2nd husband, he wanted a family, and I thought, you know, I want that too. I was in my early thirties and that is when I started to want a family.

I did 5 IVF procedures and one GIFT procedure that did not work, ultimately.
I spent our savings and put myself in serious debt for something that did not work out. I am still mad about that. And still paying for it. And now I am mad and sad that I started wanting something I never wanted before. And that I couldn't have.

It is sad thing to say but I find just not going to visit my family much actually keeps some of the pressure off of me. My brother has 6 kids and my sister has one. I love the kids but sometimes its hard for me and my family just does not get it. I live far away from my family so I have to travel to see them.
I also avoid FACEBOOK, I just do not want to see the hourly postings of people and their kids doing things constantly. I live far away from my family so I have to travel to see them.
Most of the time, I try to look at things positively. I can go where I like, no worries about spending money on school clothes and backpacks, no worries of my kids not doing well or worse, on drugs in rehab or jail.
It has been hard on my marriage and I have considered divorcing my husband on many occasions because I am preventing him from having a family of his own. I am trying to take each day as it comes and normally I am good, I can handle it, but then someone says, or you hear about, hey so and so got pregnant at 46 or so and so has a baby at 56 and so on and it will bother me. And I just tend to throw myself into work.

I am in a similar situation. Only that I have always wanted to have kids. I just was not ready to reproduce without having a man\'s support. When I was younger I dated a few guys, and I am really glad that I never married or had children with either one of them. I got married in my late 20s. It turned out that my husband had severe fertility problems. After years of expensive treatment including IVF and covered mostly by me, one fine morning I found myself 36y old and broke. I got divorced. It took me years to find another good man. At 47 I know that I have no chances to get pregnant and those days when I prayed to God are gone. Now I believe in science, data and statistics. How do I cope with childless life? I don\'t see my family too often, no Facebook, and no personal conversations at work. Fortunately in my office I am surrounded by stiff and \'professional\' people who do not dig into personal details too much. I also tend to often think about problem children that some of my friends have to deal with. What if I had kids and they developed a debilitating condition, or had drug, or another psycho-social problem? One never knows. Am I unhappy because I could not fulfill my biological duty? Yes... but I am not depressed.

im a mother of 2 and i have no one here is so difficult i wish have another parent for my kids because if anything happens to me they have no one care for them theirs always another way to be a parent

It's not my intent to be petty, but seeing this post made me very angry. I was born completely infertile and have a medical condition which renders the adoption process nearly impossible. I try to maintain a base level of respect for anyone's pain, and especially their sharing of it, but I feel like I would kill or die to have children of my own, even to be a single parent if it came to it, and I have a hard time feeling any empathy or compassion for parents most painful struggles because I'm profoundly jealous even of "**** times" had by parents. Most parents just DO NOT GET THIS. I don't mean to tell you what to do, but to a childless woman this (your post) comes of as something of a first world problem.

Hi all, thought I would share my experience so far! Don't know if I definetly can't have children but have been trying for 2 years. Have been on clomid with no joy and awaiting another appointment with dr! Both my partners sister and my brothers partners babies are due over next couple if months. As much as I'm happy for them selfishly I have found this very hard as one was not a planned pregnancy and the others had not been trying long! Both sides if the family are of course very excited and I want to be but can't help but feel sad and then guilty. I think we've got another round of treatment before referred for Ivf. Not sure however if I want to go down this road as trying is so overwhelming and don't want to feel like I'm putting my life on hold for many more years to come.
I'm sorry if I sound better because my story is much easier thus far that what many other and more brave people than me have had to go through!

I know exactly what you mean. My good friend just got pregnant while on her honeymoon. I\'m happy for her, but I can\'t help but get jealous (for lack of a better term). They weren\'t trying, and here we have been trying for over 2 years. It\'s tough bc ppl think I\'m mean since I\'m not overly excited, but they don\'t understand how hurt we are.

I hate the fact everyone i know seems to be getting pregnant. A work colleague first then my friend found out she was too! My sister is now talking about having another child, she has 2 children already. I feel ashamed sometimes, people ask my husband and i when were going to start a family and i dont know what to say. I used to say we dont want them or were happy on our own because its easier than saying we cant. Im glad i found this site because you here about other people not being able to have children but no one really talks about it.

It's really hard watching what feels like everyone around getting pregnant and feeling like you are the only one who isn't. I have spent years dealing with it and am only now finding ways of coping. Talking (or typing) about it with others who are facing it really does seem to help. Yes finding this site was great for me to it help just having a place to express my feelings. Keep opening up about it and letting your feelings out, its so far the biggest help I have found.

As sad as I was to read your stories, it also helped me a little. I'm 42yrs. old and have been married for almost 17yrs. My husband and I have tried for most of our marriage to conceive. We have had 4 miscarriages. He has two grown daughters and 5 grandchildren, whom I love dearly and am very grateful for, but still feel the deep sadness of not being able to be a mommy. The girls were older when we married and so we don't have that kind of relationship. After a lot of testing and no conclusive results, I was told that in all probability we would not be able to conceive and go full-term. We do nothing to prevent pregnancy, but haven't conceived in almost 6 yrs. I am a Christian and I know that God has a plan for each of us and in my head I have accepted that for whatever reason this isn't in His plan for me. But I just can't seem to get over the sadness and hurt. All around me family members are having babies. My older sister just had a late in life surprise, and I love my niece dearly but find it hard not to wish it was me. My step-daughters are both expecting babies this summer. My husband is a great support and truly tries to understand and in some ways feels the loss too, but since he has two girls he can't really understand. I find it hard to have dreams for the future because being a mom was the only thing I wanted to be growing up. I have worked as a nanny for many years and have been very close to the children I have cared for but it still isn't the same. I feel extremely alone in this and was really glad to find this site. My thoughts and prayers go out to all of you.

Thank you for posting. Now I know that I am not alone in this situation.

It hurts to see everyone around to have children but me! I'm blessed and I'm grateful for the blessings! I just wish things could have been different; not saying I would have been a good mother, just wish I had the chance to prove to myself I was worth it!

My story of abortion; infertility and then becoming fertile again.
http://truefeminismnaphtali.blogspot.com

Hi. I am 37 years old. When I was 33, I chose to have a hystectomy due to several health conditions, including endometriosis. I married my high school sweetheart when I was 29. We immediately began trying to get pregnant. After a year of trying we decided to seek the help of a fertility specialist. After weeks of testing and surgery for me to treat my endometriosis, the conclusion was that we both had issues. I wasn't producing many eggs and the eggs I was producing were unhealthy, and my husband had poor and sluggish *****. Our doctor recommended IUI or IVF. At that time, we did not have the money to pursue either option but we were hoping to try later on. After a few months had passed and with me being off of the pill, my cramps were so severe that I was having to miss work and miss out on other things because I was in so much pain. I went back to my gynecologist for help. We determined that the endometriosis was likely causing the pain. I also had several cysts on my left ovary and I had a retroverted uterus. I also had PID and kept bacteria infections. At this point in my marriage, my husband had resorted to alcohol abuse and was being unfaithful. I knew that my marriage was basically over and I was in so much pain, all I wanted was relief. In May of 2009, I chose to have a complete hysterectomy. In May of 2011, I filed for divorce. Though I don't regret either choice, I feel so unloveable because of my inability to conceive. I struggle with it daily, and cannot seem to get over it. I feel like no man would want to be with a woman who can't give him a child. I'm so glad I found this discussion because it helps to know I'm not alone in this world. Thank you all for sharing your stories and may God bless each of you.

When I had my hysterectomy nearly 17 years ago, I too felt unlovable. I believed I was less of a woman due to losing my ability to bear children. For years, I fought and struggled with the idea that I wasn’t much of a female, let alone a woman. My husband wasn’t much help at the time and I was angry at God for not making me like every other female I knew. However, with time, patience and considerable emotional effort over many, many years God has taught me I am what He wants me to be. I pray you will be able to grieve your loss and overcome the false feelings of inadequacy. You are no less special now than you were prior to your hysterectomy. I really don’t want to sound cliché, but time does heal all wounds. A hysterectomy leaves a scar to always remind you of what would not be, but a scar is just a hurt which has been mended.

Reading all your stories made me so sad and so broken but in the same token made me feel so good!! Just to know I'm not alone in my misery!! I'm 21 years old and was told at 19 I was unable to conceive !!! And it killed me inside!! My ex boyfriend. And I was together for 2 yrs i got with him at 17 and I was madly in love with him he was an older man he was 26. I stoppe using protection with him and contracted an std (Chlymidia) he was obviously with other women !!! And I had no symptoms of the std no discharge no foul smell nothing so I had the std for months and didn't know I went to do a physical for a new job and the doctor then called me back into her office to give me my results :( she then did a gyn check up and told me I had a lot of damage to my insides so I would be unable to conceive!! A year later I met my husband and he has three beautiful children he's 34 and one of my closest friends told him that I had an std and tht I was dirty and unable to have children and I was devastated but he has supported me 100% gods gift to me but I don't feel like a women bc I would never be able to give him a child and I want so bad to have a baby with him he's amazing and he loves me so much and wants me to have a baby and I cry to him every time a family member is pregnant I've avoided baby showers !!! And I see so many women who I feel should've never been able to be mothers their worthless women who go out clubbing every day but anyways ladies your not alone in this and thank you for your stories

I know exactly what your going through I do feel your pain. I myself married my high school sweetheart got married young and prayed to have a baby and to figure out what gods plan was for me . I was a teacher for 12 years loved kids all my friends were having babys like it was in the water. I was throwing baby showers all the time for my friends so happy for them and hoping one day it would be my turn . Then when I was twenty five my best friend called me one night and told me she was Pregnant . Her being my best friend I wanted to be so happy for her but hurt so bad deep in side so jealous. I cryed myself to sleep that night praying please God what have I done wrong please I promise I be the best mother I could if he just give me a chance. The next morning my uncle called and asked if we be interested in raising his new grand daughter that my cousin had. They were already raising three of her kids as she was in and out of prison fighting drug addiction . They were to old and to tired to raise another child . Dfs took her away she was postive with meth. When I pulled her picture up on the net tears filled my eyes I just knew she was mine . Then once she was placed with us we did everything we were suppose to foster classes ,meetings,home visits ect. My cousin called me and said she was getting better and going to get her daughter back soon . Scariest and most stressed out three years of my life . As much as I loved my cousin I would pray each home visit she wouldn't show up and she start doing drugs again . She showed up for first few then relapsed back in her old habits. The adoption was finalized when she turned three it was the best day of mine and my husbands life. I worked with her so hard even before she could talking teaching her colors counting with her reading books. She is now 12 years old top of her class super smart so sweet and just beautiful .:) I couldnt love her anymore even if I was to give birth to her. So all you struggling out there dont give up hope so many kids in this world needs a home and to be loved. God does have a plan for us seek and you shall find . :) God made each one of you his special ones I truley believe .

I am 20 years old and have already had an unexplained miscarriage at age 18. My ex who was the father of my 5 mth developing daughter, was with me for 4 yrs engaged for 9 mths and left me after i lost her and blames me for our loss for not taking care of myself and what not. This week i found out i am in beginning stages of endometriosis already and possibly will never have children. I love kids even teach at my most recent ex boyfriends sons school and have become a mother figure to his 4 yr old son but still yearn to have a child of my own that cannot be taken away from me when his dad finds someone else.

Having endometriosis does not necessarily mean that you cannot have children at all. You may or may not be in a higher risk category for a pregnancy because of endometriousis, but don't give up. You are young and there are a number of doctors qualified to help in this area when you and your man are ready.

Hello,
I am 30 years old and ever since I can remember I wanted to have babies. In October I was diagnosed with Endometrium Cancer on November 1st 2012 I had to have a full hysterectomy :( It was the worst day of my life but no one could tell. I will be honest I was very strong in front of people but inside I was broken and empty. I have been married for 5 going on 6 years ,my husband loves children and he is great with them and it breaks my heart to know that I will never be able to give him one of his own. I'm sad and don't know how to get over it. Once again no one would know about how I feel but I do and it hurts it hurts a lot.

I know that my hysterectomy saved my life and made me a cancer survivor but I Still want a baby!!!!

We always talked about adoption whether we had our own or not but it is so hard if not impossible to adopt when you can't afford it. I would take 5 kids that need loving parents but no one will give them to me to us with out $$$$$$.

I have been told to be a foster parent that I would get help adopting but to think that i can get a baby or a child and then have them taken away. I don't want my heart broken again. I don't think I could handle being denied the right to have a child more then ones in this life time.

I'm Christian and i do believe in GOD and i know he has a better plan for me and my husband but it still hurts. I trust in him which is why I am so strong but its hard to keep the faith when the pain is so hard to take away.


God Bless! Zamy

I praise God that you are a cancer survivor! By the grace of God, my husband is a two time cancer survivor and I understand how cancer can change lives.
I am so very sorry you are experiencing the pain too many of us have endured or are enduring. It takes time to grieve your loss and, to be honest I don’t know that you will ever really “get over it.” Your life is inexorably changed and the dream of bearing a child is simply gone - and this in a mere moment.
When I had my hysterectomy, I put up a strong front too. No one knew how I felt, but no one wanted to know either. It took me years to deal with my pain because of this and they were very empty and wasted years. I eventually sought professional counseling and dealt with many issues, including my ruined dream of having a child.
Give yourself time to grieve your loss and hold fast to the Lord. He will show you His plans for you and your husband in His time. He knows your heart's desires and if He has a child for you, He will bring him or her into your life. Nothing is impossible for God.

Like you, I think many women who struggle with infertility only make it through because they understand that God makes everything work together for their good. No, everything that happens to us is not good but God carries us through these trying times. It definitely isn't easy but God feels our hurt and he sees our tears. He has a plan! We have to pray that our faith fail not. And you are unequivocally correct...nothing is impossible for God!!

Hi

I had tests when I was 40 to see if it was possible for me to have children as I had never been pregnant and wanted to know what chance I had, I had a general anaesthetic and an operation, they found I had less than 10% chance of having children. I was taking a course at work at the time and found I couldn't complete this, as my priorities changed when I found this out. I came round from the anaesthetic and was given the news by the consultant, then discharged home with a 3 month follow up. I was given no support for the news I had received and just sent home.
My boss at the time made me pay back the time for the course because I hadnt finished it, she kept this up for 8 years!
Every time someone was pregnant it was very hard as I knew I would never be in their position. But more recently my boss, who had never wanted children, became pregnant and I felt she rubbed it in my face, I tried to avoid all situations when she was around and talking about her pregnancy. She came into work today with her baby and gave me him to hold, he was lovely, but I cant feel happy for her because of how she was with me when I found I couldnt have children.
I know I will never know what it is like to be pregnant nor how it feels to hold a baby in my arms that will call me mummy! I am now 49 and know it will never happen for me and wonder why me!

I'm a 30 year old female who's had every dream i wanted for myself this last years gone. I've always wanted 6 children since before I wrote it in my kindergarten diary. All my work is with children and setting ip systems for them to succeed! I was part of a national academy that trained for such events like the Olympics and World Cup. I was taking a medical exam for a tournament and failed it. The doctors told me I had 3-5 years to have children because my uterus was growing tumors fast and every surgery they would have less uterus left. I choose to keep my uterus and train for my academy after my first surgery. It's a year and 3 months later... I have had 7 surgeries, 2 tries of iui to now being told I don't have good enough eggs to do surrogacy as of yesterday! I've applied for adoption when I first learned of my unique circumstances. But I don't qualify for many healthy children and to get a healthy child it's gonna cost over 50,000 and if I start the process single I have to start the process all over if I start dating someone. The process can take 5-10 years! I'm more than devastated and the thought of going back to my old working working with children is unbearable!! Plus with my athletic career is done because of my medical issues. I'm completely lost and don't know where to start to dream again cause I don't want to be that bitter women who can't function for the rest of her life because I don't grieve my losses!! But how do I do that!??!! How do I date or do I not date and avoid men until I adopt?! So overwhelmed with these choices that are going to dictate how I life my life!

Your wounds of loss are extremely fresh. Give yourself some time to accept what you are being told and maybe even seek a second opinion. Take one thing at a time and work through each issue as it requires to help allay some of the overwhelming changes which seem to confront you all at once. Believe it or not, you have time to confront each of these issues.

For me, dreams started to come again once I accepted and grieved my loss.

Hi, I am 45 years old and I am learning to accept the fact that there will be no kids in my future. I know some people say " live thru other people's kids" but I just can't. Its the feeling of wanting your own. My husband and I are a little bit selfish and we accept that if God didn't want us to have kids....( not blaming God) we understood. So we are making changes in our lives without kids. Although sometimes when I go out and we see other kids I don't know wether to feel angry( more like fed up) because I feel like people are throwing their kids in my face and saying Nyah ...Nyah you can's have one of these; Or to feel sad because I don't know how it feels like to have a kid of my own. Doesn't anyone feel the same way?

Yes, I believe many of us feel the same way. It took me a long time to accept my loss and after nearly 17 years, I still have sad feelings ocassionaly when I see babies and know that I will never have one. I don't have them as often as I used too. Time and aging has taught me how to deal with these emotions when they do occur, especially since they pop up when least expected. I believe we will all have to deal with this for the rest of our lives because not having children has shaped our lives. The sting of the pain of loss does fade with the passage of time.

After trying and miscarring, trying and miscarrying it seemed apparent the dream of becoming a parent was just that. Especially when there is no medical reason for it happening. After a while I decided that if I cannot be a parent, there are plenty of kids out there that needs decent parents. My husband and I are looking to possibly foster. There are some brilliant programs out there in Australia if you wanted to start slowly and work your way into it. the pajama foundation is often looking for people to come into the homes of foster parents and help the foster kids with their homework and reading. I thought this would be good because I can get to see how a foster family works and if this would be the the best avenue for us. Some programs look for weekend care of children or Uncle and Aunt type programs. This might not be for everyone and I completely understand that. I figured that I my life will be well spent if I can make a difference to at least one child in the world.

Hi everyone,
Thanks for sharing your stories. finally I've found a site where I can talk to other ladies in the same situation as me. I've looked for childless couples social groups, but nothing exists in Australia.
I am 43 and have been married for 21 years.
I had one miscarriage in 1997 and another in 1998. Unfortunatlely, no pregnancies at all after that. So I can now safely say, I won't ever have any kids!
I'm slowly coming to terms with it. But it's hard, and I still get very lonely and cry when I'm alone. I try to keep a front up and be interested when friends and relatives are having babies. But it's always difficult. The worse part is lots of peope think you were too selfish to have kids or that you are a bit of a freak because you can't have kids. You can't win! I'd love to meet some other women/couples socially that can talk about things other than kids!
The worst part for me was that doctors could find nothing at all wrong with either of us. I know that sounds funny, but it would have been better to have had something to blame as to my infertility.
It is impossible to adopt in Australia - no children available and overseas kids take up to 5 years and over $50,000! Why couldn't we have surregacy available either? No one cares about a childless women in Australia. You are totally forgotten about in every aspect.
Anyway, life goes on and I find that my two cats are my true solace. Yes, I do treat them as my babies, but what's wrong with that? I now devote my time to animal organisations and doing volunteer work with them. It is very satisfying. Saving their lives is a true passion.
I suppose the best advice I could offer other ladies is, don't keep asking "why me?", but try to accept that things just happen and perhaps our lot is to assist in other areas of life...like animals or other people, etc. There is plenty of folk worse off than us - wheelchair bound, cancer ridden, etc.
Try not to be bitter (I know it's hard) and see the positives that you DO have in your life - your amazing hubby being the number one.
I wish you all the best with whatever you choose to do in life and try to keep smiling.
Remember, God must have other plans for we very special girls - we just have to find out what that is!

Thanks for sharing Sal1969. We are very special girls and God does have a plan for each of us. The men in our lives are special too.
There doesn't seem to be much in the way of social groups for childless people in the USA either, at least that I've found and I live near a very large metropolis. I attend church regularly, but the women's groups there are very much about being a mom and dealing with children. Sigh...
Years ago a total stranger asked me if I had children. When I said "no", she replied, "Oh, lucky you! You get to always be a child." I didn't appreciate what she said at the time, but now that many of my friends and family seem aged and tired from raising children and helping out with grandchildren I better understand what she was trying to convey. And, I realize too, that I have had some wonderful opportunities come my way which would not have if I had had children.
God can use us to make an impact in the lives of others. Maybe more so because we are childless as our focus isn’t on us and our children, but on others. Remember: childless does NOT equal useless. Getting past the pain takes time, but finding satisfaction in societal nonconformity is nothing short of miraculous. And, it is very freeing.

Yes, Gracealone, I did see a specialist who was more than ready to assist with IVF. After giving it much much thought I decided that I didn't want to go that route. I'd prefer that my child have the benefit of two contributing parents who love him or her rather than simply satisfy my babylust. In the meantime I take care of my boyfriend's children and my other relatives.

I've been dealing with infertility for years due to tubal scarring and to some extent I believe I'm in denial. There's a small part of me that believes it can happen. Most days I'm ok, especially when I see how stressed my counterparts are. If worse comes to worse I will adopt but its still a very hard pill to swallow.

Have you tried a fertility specialist?

I've known since i was 22 I couldn't have kids through no fault of my own. I'm now 40 and have still not come to terms with this.... i have a parther and his daughter in my life but my sister/sister-in-law have both recently had babies and i love them but it's so hard to not think 'why can't i?'. The older i get the more moody, angry and pi@@ed off i am. I don't know how to make peace with this. I worry my partner will eventually leave cos of my mood swings. I try to be happy but it's not easy being reminded all the time, especially when well-meaning people ask why i don't have my own when i'm 'so good' with his daughter. Life sucks......
noketchupta

Hi I am 24 and have been asking my self why in the 6 years of marriage I can't have any children...I don't want to get any older without children but my Lord advised me everything happens in the right timing...don't get discouraged my mothers friends had been married for the past 25 years but finally after 25 years God blessed them with a beautiful baby girl...and got pregnant again right after her first baby now she will have 2 beautiful children before her 50th birthday...put everything in the lords hands and you will be blessed!!!

Sometimes it does seem like life sucks. Acceptance is not easy especially when daily reminders tear at your heart. Coming to grips with empty arms is a process, and believe it or not, you are in a good place because it sounds like you want things to change. There is no shame in seeking counseling to help you deal with your loss. It certainly helped me.
This may seem like an odd question, but are your mood swings due to empty arms or could it be due to a hormonal imbalance?
Generally speaking, people are not being insensitive when they comment on your ability to have children or how you interact with children. They may even mean well in their compliments. They just don't know or identify with your situation. You may have to develop some calluses on your ears and heart against the words and the often good sentiments of others.
For me, it wasn’t so much that I had to accept my situation, but that I didn’t want to be in my situation. I was resigned to the fact that I could not have children and there was nothing I could do could change it. For years I was stuck on not wanting to be in my situation so I didn’t do anything to change it. I just kept feeling sorry for myself and allowing the fruitful lives of others tear at my heart. When I realized I was wasting the life God gave me, I started to change my attitude and He changed my life. I still have times when my heart is pricked due to empty arms, but I choose not to let it dominate my life.

It bothered me for 8 years but i found peace and am sooo happy, now I dont even want kids. I prayed for God to take that want away and he has and he showed me I dont need kids to be complete or happy. I help take care of my nephew and me and my husband love him sooo much but we get to send him home each day with his mom. I love to focus on all I have and all the freedom and stress i avoid. I wish there was more people like me who now dont want kids. Ive been through every stage of greif and have never been better. Now i can watch others get pregnant and be excited to hold their baby and kiss them but send them home. I love it

I hope God can give me the strength to go on......I have always wanted to be a mom.....to be pregnant......I am struggling still ..... nothing excites me no more.....

For the people that cannot have children here is a question it's for a college assignment, i am strongly AGAINST abortion (ovbisouly not for people who have been sexually abused or have health problems) but for like young people, how does abortion make you feel knowing you may never be able to have kids, sorry if this message has offend anybody it really wasn't made that way, i would just like some answers?

I am infertile and still extremely pro-choice. Probably more pro-choice now than I was before. If you have other questions- happy to help

My response may be too late to be of benefit for your paper so please accept my apologies. I am absolutely pro-life – abortion should occur for NO reason. God is not surprised by the life He’s created, regardless of the circumstances of conception. He is also able to care for mother and child in the event of “the health of the mother”. I would have gladly risked my life to have a child.
O.K, with that off my chest, I will get to your question on how abortion makes me feel knowing I cannot have children. In the shortest sentence I have: It breaks my heart. I so desperately wanted children and to see and hear of women flippantly tossing away a child for whatever or no reason is heart wrenching. Getting pregnant and having children is something easily taken for granted by women and now women take it for granted that they can end a pregnancy and take the life of a child. God gives life and humans frivolously toss it away.
When I think of the millions of dollars spent on abortion and the millions spent on saving the life of a premature baby, I have to ask myself why this is. The only answer I can give is one child is wanted; the other is not.

I am a 20 years of age and earlier this year I had a urinary tract infection. Went to the doctor fixed me and went on as me about my irregular menstrual cycle and informed me that I might have difficulties with falling pregnant. I was devastated as I have always wanted kids. Now I'm obsessed and think about falling pregnant all the time, but I can't because I'm still in tertiary. My boyfriend and I are making plans for the future and sometimes I want to tell him but I chicken out because I think he might leave me. It hurts really bad.

First of all, the doctor said you "might" have difficulties, not that you will. There is a HUGE difference. I know a number of women with irregular mentrual cycles who have several children. Second, this is one doctor. When the time comes for you to start a family, and IF you have difficulties, seek more than one opinion.

Lastly, always be honest with the man whom you want to spend the rest of your life with and raise a family with. As much as it may hurt to tell him, he has the right to know of your concerns since it could affect his future as well. This may seem harsh, but if he leaves you over this, then maybe he isn't the man for you.

I dont know if I'm over it or not. I just dont talk about it any more. I guess u could say it gets easier with time. But I just cant accept it. And my friends wont even understand if I try to talk to them about it. I mean who thinks abt babies at 22?!

You said that you have been diagnosed with PCOS and that you are afraid you won't be able to have children. An endocrinologist can be of great assistance in balancing hormones and making your cycle better and pregnancy possible - when you are ready to have children. You also mentioned that you are a student. Try focusing on school and not what the future may or may not hold.

I am infertile and have no internal women parts left inside. I want children badly!! But I'm absolutely pro choice!! I don't believe we live in a world that does more than talk pro life. the pro life systems facilitate pro birth... which is a very small part of someones life! They dont yet fully take care of these women who give birth to a baby who is going to live in this world. Which is why I cannot support pro life.

I had to make a decision at age 36 to have a total hysterectomy. That was 16 years ago <br />
and remains as one of the most difficult, and lonely, decisions I ever had to make. My husband and I had tried to have children via IVF. We lost two. I was raped at 13 and <br />
sexually abused for nearly two years as a teenager. All my sisters have at least two children, and their children have children. My husband has a grown son with two children (17 years separate us in age). There is no pain as exquisite as that of empty arms.<br />
<br />
I would like to tell you that it goes away, but I can't. I can tell you it will fade and you will have days when you don't feel the emptiness in your arms and in your life. I still do not go to <br />
church on Mother's Day, but I do go to church. Prior to my hysterectomy, I had been prayed over and told that God would give me children. I BELIEVED! I believed so fervently that I made a complete and total fool of myself with doctors, family and friends on more than one occasion. When I could no longer bear the pain of endometriosis and the monthly trips to <br />
the emergency room, I decided that God lied to me and abandoned me. The reality is God does not lie. His ways are higher than our ways and He has a plan for my life. When I announced my decision to have a hysterectomy people abandoned me, in one form or another. My mother said it was for the best and therefore no further discussion was <br />
allowed. My fruitful sisters said "Oh well." My husband said "It's about d--m time" and my church family said it was because I doubted that God would do what He said He would and <br />
I just didn't have enough faith. God, the true, living and sovereign Lord God Almighty was <br />
all I had left to hang onto, but my heart was telling me he lied, but my head, and the Bible, <br />
said that is impossible.<br />
<br />
The next few years were emotionless for me. I had no one to talk to about how I felt. My hopes, dreams and desires were ended in a matter of hours. I courageously tried to carry <br />
on and to be happy for everyone I knew who was having children and even those I didn’t <br />
know but saw while out and about. I buried my emotions until I found a wonderful Christian counselor who helped me to work through the issues of teenage rape, horrifying sexual <br />
abuse and a forced abortion. You see, at 16 I became pregnant with twins by the doctor <br />
who was abusing me. I was so naive that I didn't have a clue what was happening. My <br />
family was so dysfunctional that they didn’t have a clue either. This occurred in the era when doctors were regarded almost god-like and could do no wrong. You did not question what they said or did. The abuser told my parents I needed to go to a physician for some "tests". I had no idea what the "tests" were. I didn't even know I was pregnant. When I found out why I was there, I started to scream and yell, but the doctor ordered the nurse to strap me to the table and tape my mouth. Not long after that, the doctor was swearing about there being a second one. I had completely blocked this memory from my life, but my counselor said I <br />
knew too many details for it not to have happened. It is also, most likely, the reason I developed endometriosis.<br />
<br />
Forgiveness came with much difficulty, but by the grace of God, it did come. I forgave the rapist, the abuser, the doctor, my family, my husband, my friends, myself and even God. I knew that Jesus gave His life for my sin, but I also had to come to accept that He gave His <br />
life for the sins of others too. God gave mankind a freewill to chose and we all chose to sin. Men chose to do awful things to me, not God. Yes, God allowed it to happen, but He will make something good come from it. He can do the same for each of you.<br />
<br />
Let it hurt that you have empty arms, but don't let it cause to you pull away from life. God <br />
gave you the life you have for a reason. You may not see what that reason is in the middle <br />
of your pain, but He has the big picture. Take it one day at a time. Avoid those things that <br />
are too painful, such as baby showers and births of a friend's baby. Find forgiveness in <br />
God. Give forgiveness for yourself.<br />
<br />
I had given up on any dreams and for years simply floated through life. After three years of dealing with some very excruciating memories and emotions, I began to realize that I was being healed. I didn't want to stay in the hurt and pain of what had been my life. As a child, I had always wanted to be an attorney. I was from a very small, and sadly, disreputable town so I had little hope and even less encouragement to pursue this dream out of high school. God wooed me and I began to see some possibilities. Seven years after my hysterectomy, I was accepted into law school and began a new chapter in my life. I am now an attorney, but my greatest desire is to serve God and to help others see the hope that is in Him.

wow..thankyou for offering some hope........you are an angel

Grace Alone,
Thank you for sharing your story of infertility and how you learned to trust God's will, and have learned that He has AWESOME plans to use you, no matter if the stereotype for women is that we have children.
My story's a bit different, but comes to the same conclusion: absolute infertility. I grew up wanting to be a mom, and didn't meet my husband until I was 28. We met on Eharmony and one of the things we both said was that we wanted kids. 5 weeks into dating, he broke the news to me: he was genetically infertile, because he was born with no testicles. The shock just welled up in me, but I went home that night to pray about it and realized that this WAS the man God had for me and I would be okay with adoption.
Now almost 5 years into marriage, the heartache of no children is really taking a toll. You see, he hasn't been able to bring up adoption, he has been anointed for healing, we have been given prophecy that he will be healed (but does this mean healing to the point of fertility?), and no obvious healing yet. He says he's working through his hurt feelings that God made him this way....

.....but he's obviously still hurting so much! A few times in our marriage he mentioned wondering what I would look like pregnant, and a few months ago admitted he has fantasized about me being pregnant. That hurts all the more! I feel like I'm not a whole woman in his eyes, even though as far as I know, I'm fertile.....He has asked forgiveness, but it hurts so bad!!! Like another person who posted, every time my period comes around I wonder... "What's the point?"... it's like a taunt!!!
I am so thankful for a loving husband, but I find it so hard to comfort him with his hurts and I have so many of my own....... I'm going to turn 35 in 2 months, and it gets harder and harder to see friends, acquaintances, and relatives having children with no issues.. My brother and his wife have 6 kids, his sister and her husband have 3 kids....... I can only hope that my parents and his have room to love our kids if we ever adopt...... and I'm beginning to feel so old..... I have gotten freedom from the jealousy I used to feel, and enjoy being around the kids again, but it still hurts!!!!

I truly believe in god and know his power's but how doi I ignore those feelings of depression and anger. I see relatives and friends around me who give birth to 5 and 6 kids after having 2 or 3 abortions, and I think Why Them! I've always wanted kids, Kids love me, and I would do anything just to have one child call me mommy. But still it never comes. I'm almost 40years old and i can't help but to think it is truly over for me. And while I thought that it would get easier as the years went by to except the fact that this will never happen, it's only gotten worse. The other day I saw the movie "There's something about Timothy Green," And I cried through the entire movie. And I thought it was me just being emotional because it was an emotional movie, but I found myself crying hours after the movie also. It's just so hard to look at children and think why can't I have one. Not to mention I've just recently gotten married and I just feel empty not being able to provide him with his own family. I just don't know how to wish this feeling away.

did the movie make you think of adoption....maybe you arent there yet?

Response to: Srajah . Yes, I understand NOW that we need to ask God . But it is to late for my huby and I to ask God, for us to have a child together. I NOW ask God to please help me cope and to give me strength to live my life without having my own children. I am almost 36 and he is 52. Our time was 12, 10 or 5yrs ago!! My huby has 2 kids an 18yr girl and a 33yr boy. He now tells me I need to see a therapist. I feel NOW EMPTY, ALONE,and sometimes ANGRY!!

Seventeen years separate my huband and I. He has a son and two grandchildren. His granddaughter just graduated from highschool. At the time his granddaughter was conceived, we too were trying to have a child. When my hopes for a child ended, my husband learned that he was going to be a grandfather for a second time. He was thrilled and I was crushed. Before my surgery, my husband was so frustrated with the physical pain I was enduring every month that when I told him I had decided to have a hysterectomy his immediate reply was "It's about d--m time!" What a blow that was to add to my already shattered emotions. I suspect your husband cares a great deal for you. He just doesn't know what to do to help you anymore. Talking and praying with a Christian counselor helpled me a great deal.

I am 22 yrs old. I am a student. I have recently been diagnosed with PCOS. I am scared that I wont ever have children. I get irritated with my friends all the time. And I feel like crying over trivial situations.I have been an emotional wreck for days now. My friends are talking about my behaviour. I know that they are. Suddenly having a baby seems like the most important thing for me. I am a virgin. My boyfriend says it doesnt matter to him. I dont know what to do. I cant even try to conceive now, as i am still studying. This fear of the unknown scares me. I had been under depression two years ago. And I feel I will lapse into it again. I dont want that. I want to cope with this maturely. But I'm not sure that I can.

I just found out on Monday that it is unlikely that I can ever have children. I'm 22 as well and majorly pissed off. What is the point of getting my period if I can't have kids?!?!!? I never really wanted kids, I mean that was like maybe when I'm 30 I'll have two. But know that I can't have them it just ****** me off and thats all I want is children. Now I realize what I'm missing out on. How the hell did you get over this? I'm going crazy.

I am 41 years old, 8 years ago I was diagnosed with premature menopause. Last April I had an unsuccessful fertility treatment that turned things very bad. I haven't worked for two years, because I can not find a job. I become very sad for that also, feeling frustrated professionally and like woman. My husband has a great job, we live in USA because he is American ( I am from South America), he has a big career in front of him, his family and friends are around him. After the treatment he fell into a bad depression, it seems he is reevaluating his life as a whole. He told me he is unsure of his love for me, and that his heart is broken after the treatment. He put a lot of faith in it, even knowing the risk. The infertility is very very tough, nobody understands the pain that a woman or man can feel. At any moment can take a price in the marriage, please be ready to fight back and be always careful to read the eyes of who you love. I never saw this situation coming... I was completed sure of his love and my ego was talking for me, saying you are ok. I should have been more interesting working in anything and not being at home. I should be more dedicated to details with him... maybe. I think that he did not love me before the treatment and he was ready to love me again with the hope of being a father... but I could not do it for him. When you are infertile a little problem can become a big one... it's like walking on a glass...

Paty, I'm so sorry for your loss. I think it's important to grieve. You said your fertility treatment went bad, I'm not sure exactly what that means but I do know you lost a very real piece of yourself and it's ok for you and your husband to grieve for it. It's very hard on a marraige to go through loss. Each person experiences it differently. I encourage you to give yourself and your husband time to recover. Hopefully the pain will become managable and you will begin to repair your relationship. If not, then know that you did the best you could. I pray that you will find comfort in knowing you are not alone. God bless...

Hello, I'm 30 and can't have children. I'm the only one on both sides of the family that can't have kids. Hubby says he doesn't care, but I think he says that because nothing can be done about it. I've known so many people including my own brothers that has no business with kids but keep having one right after another. I stay mad, angry, depressed. I try to cry only when I'm alone Because nobody could even imagine the way I feel. I did become a foster parent in my mid 20s and that was a bad experience. Kids returning home to abusers and neglectful parents and to return right back to foster care. I couldn't take it anymore. My husband says I'm crazy because I have surrounded myself with all kinds of animals and talk to them as if they can really understand me but honestly that's the only peace I get when I'm out on our little farm. I guess thats how I cope. I have good days and then not so good days. I'm the type of person that tends to keep my pain to myself due to the comments I've heard in the past. Here are just a few of the most hurtful comments. Mother in law said maybe I was a bad mom in a past life so I wasn't granted to have kids in this life. Cousin said If I had any I wouldn't want them after I I got them( she has three kids and her mother raises them).My brothers ex actually brought a little happy meal toy to me and said this is for your baby and paused and said I mean if you ever have a baby. O this one is from the pastor during a sunday morning service- If people are dealing with infertility and they keeping asking God to bless them and they haven't been blessed that means apparently they are not living right by God. So I guess my sil was living right when she got pregnant and methed it up so much and lost her baby and then turned around and got pregnant again and some how that baby made it and she now has 3 kids. So now I don't go to church. The only people that are in my life is my hubby, my mom, my dad and my animals. Although my mom doesn't understand how I feel she will listen and not give stupid comments. I guess the animals don't question me and say rude things so that's why I have removed people from my life and replaced them with animals. I am very close to my dog beanie pie and I treat her as if she was a child and hubby says it gets on his nerves because it's a dog not a person. Maybe I have gone crazy but I'm dealing with what I was dealt.

I am so sorry that people in your life have been insensitive and flat out wrong, especially the Pastor. He is missing the grace God has for each of us. If receiving blessings depended on us "living right" , NO ONE would ever get any blessings. Only God knows why some people have children and some of us don't. Please don't let insensitive individuals keep you from God. They are NOT reflecting his love, but the cynicism of this fallen world.

I'm blown away from reading all these emails! I really feel for each and everyone. As most mentioned I've also wanted to be a wife and mother since I was a little girl. After finally meeting the man of my dreams at the age of 33 we married a year ago next month. Well as I knew going into the marriage he had 3 children and youngest being 15 oldest being 23 and got fixed about 10 years ago. My luck! Over the years I've always thought about adoption do to my health problems and was really trying to get it started about 5 years ago with an ex fiance. <br />
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Well of course it never happened and I married someone else and moved on. But always wanting to adopt with my husband. But just not looking good. He wants to be back to were we were a few years ago financially and also credit wise. I feel there's so many hurdles to overcome. I'm now 35 the only women in my family not to have had a child. My cousins I grew up with both have 2 each and another cousin is already pregnant after just having a baby in Dec. It's frustrating and confusing to me. I've went out and bought thousands of dollars in baby stuff. I'm not sure what will make me feels better anymore. <br />
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I do attend all birthdays of the children in my family and births. I don't want to be the poor sport for them in there happy times. About 6 months ago I was at my grandmothers funeral and one of my cousins came up to me and offered to carry a baby for me. What a gift right, but since have talked and she has some stuff to deal with first. Not sure if this is a nice way of getting out of it or just needing time. But we can't even start the process until I find a donor (male) and have ALL those "TO DO" in order. Often find myself asking why do I keep trying and trying! Guess being a Cancer (birth sign) I can't give up hope. If it were that easy everyone would be doing it right? Well seems there are .... but just need a way to figure it all out. This is my first posting and time in a chat forum. Guess I need some clues, hints, words of wisdom .... I don't feel God did this to me, or that I'm a bad person, just feel how much heartache is enough! Thanks for listening "reading" XOXO

can i be your male donor my contact +2340721362604

I am 28, my husband no longer produces ***** and we will never have children. I am accepting that now which I'm finding drainingly painful. He was fertile once and has a beautiful 8yr old son from his previous marriage and he and his ex-wife conceived numerous times. I love my husband and my step son more than I thought was possible to love other people but I am grieving for the children we will never have and an experience that is so wonderful, amazing and life changing that we will never share. I'm going through it all, the jealousy - of friends, the rubbish mothers and especially the ex-wife who has a bond with my husband that I will never have - the hurt, pain and anguish - that seem to be constantly about to surface - and the total anger I have at the God I love and trust for allowing this sadness to be in my life. I knew my husband had fertility problems before our relationship even began and I thought I was strong enough for me to just, cry a bit and get over it, the folly of not understanding how relationships grow and blossom. We have only just been married and a year ago I realised this was going to hurt a lot more than I expected as the reality of wanting to spend the rest of your life with someone and knowing that it would be perfect to have children together is an overwhelming, beautifully certain thing. I had no control over that feeling and desire. I enjoy that feeling and that love I have for my husband, I just wish it was a desire that could be met. <br />
I am looking forward to being a mum as we are going to adopt and I share the joy my friends and family go through when they are pregnant or have just given birth. But yes, I find baby showers immensely difficult and will not be going to another as I cried for almost half a day after the first and last I'd ever been to. Yes, I find I avoid the baby clothes and baby aisle because who'd have thought baby shampoo could make you feel so much pain? <br />
But I don't want to be bitter, I have been blessed and don't want to loose my joy or happiness dwelling on things I will never have, I don't want to obsess over an ex-wife who gets the mothers day cards from a boy I love so dearly, I don't want to be envious of my husband because he gets a fathers day treat and a cuddles from a person who shares some of his characteristics. I don't want to go through the rest of my life being defined by the fact I will never have children that I've given birth to or are biologically mine. <br />
I refuse because I don't want to damage myself and destroy the relationships that I hold so dear, I will not swap them for emptiness and bitterness. I'm not saying I will never be hurt by it again, I will, probably for the rest of my life but joy and blessings come in many forms and I don't want to miss them because I'm too hung up on something I have no power over. <br />
God is good and I will continue to say it even when it hurts. (spent most of writing this post in tears, got to grieve and come out the other side to a new season). God bless, I hope this helps someone xxx

thanks.......you are amazing. i am a teacher so i see children all day long and i love them like they are my own....summers r hard for me because i dont see them. now that school has resumed..it does fill a void ....still,,,,the hurt is still there,,,,i pray every day to accept my lot in life...i wonder if there r support groups for us? until i find one..this site is great. thanks

I am 30 years old and had to have a hysterectomy 3 years ago. All I have ever wanted is babies. I took it very hard, however 3mnths later I started taken care of 2 boys full time. A foster mom without any help. I allowed the mother to become a part of our family, she did not live with us and we would go week without talking. But at any special occasion I would make sure she knew and if she needed a ride I did what i could. the boys moved in late in August and was taken the last day off school. She was suppose to get them for a weekend visit and that was the last hug i ever got from them boys. I mentally had a nervous break down and went thru hell for 2yrs. 3months ago is the last time i tood any anti-whatever meds!!! since then i have a new outlook on life. For whatever reason I am here on this earth to help children. I have helped since then and will continue to do so. I love the smile on their faces. Also my husband has 5 kids. And I do have a daughter and 2 grandsons now. God works in mysterous ways but he always has a plan even if it is not your plan.

I am looking for an infertile young lady to share my life with. please help me find her.. I've been looking for a while now

I am 39 years old and have tried to have a baby with my husband for 4 years. They say I do not have many eggs left. We have tried IUI and even embryo transfer. We only had one embryo and it did not take. Now my FSH is so high none of the doctors will even try with me. I picked out a egg donor. That was so hard. I have tried doing everything by the book, it took me a long time to find a good guy to marry and now it has put me at a older age. I am afraid I will not get a bond with the baby that is not mine. It would not have been bad if I could carry, but on top of it, I had medical problem that made me have to have a hysterectomy. Now I have one woman carrying my baby and anothers egg. The baby will be here and I am so afraid that the anger and hurt on not having my own will interfere.

I'm a Type I Diabetic of 25 years. Cannot carry a pregnancy to term. I've been pregnant 4 times in my 12 year marriage. No living children. I am now 34 years old. All the ladies in my family (all sides) have kids. I'm looked at as the odd one. They have all try to use their children to get something for me. I don't feel bad, I don't feel that I OWE anybody anything either. It's taken me years to get to this point. I am very active in my community and I give this way. I bought things throughout the years for these ladies of my family. I don't want anything in return. I'm just at the point now where, if I want to give it I will, if not then I shouldn't be made to feel guilty.

I THANK GOD DECIDED WHO WILL BE INFERTILE SOME BODY HAS TO RASIED SOCIETY CHILDRENS AND MOST PEOPLE WOULD NOT IF THEY COULD HAVE THEIR OWN SO I personally thank it all in god plans just like giving birth , GOD DICEDED.

I am sucessuful /atractive/i have sex all the time. I ENJOY MEN BUT I am infertile , should I get married , I GET OFFER ALL THE TIME. I have frends and family, hobbies.

I have tubal infertility and have all but given up. I am extremely depressed and have even considered suicide. I mean, I just don't feel like a full woman. <br />
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IF has destroyed my faith. I have none. I don't even know if i beleve anymore<br />
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It has damaged my marriage and self worth. <br />
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My SIL just found out she is pregnant and I plan to boycott all family get togethers. I don't care if it hurts anyones feelings. Im too upset to care anymore

I have known that I was infertile since I was treated for leukemia as a child ( I am 31 now). When I was 13 I had a bone marrow transplant as a last stitch effort to get rid of the leukemia. Me and my mother were sat down and told that I would "never be able to get pregnant" and if I understood what that meant....It was devastating. All I have ever dreamt about since I was 5 was being someone's Mommy. Throughout my teen years I kind of just forgot about it. But as I got older (early 20's) I began to see more of my friends and family members get married and have babies. Since then I get tearful around new babies sometimes. About two years ago I was on the subway and saw a mom with her two sons board the train. One of them (about 5 years old) touched her face and said "I love you mommy" as the older one talked to her about his day at school. Even though she looked tired and exhausted, I envied her. Tears started rolling down my face so much that the woman next to me asked me if I was okay. I lied and said I was fine and get off the train at the next stop.<br />
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I avoid men because I am afraid I wont find one who is understanding of my situation, so I don't even have a husband to share my grief with. I am ashamed. I feel like I've failed as a woman. This is the one thing we were meant to do, that only we can do. I am seeing a therapist, but she tries to feed me that crap about how badly other people have it and how thankful I should be to be alive and lived through cancer (and all the other medical issues I've had since then as a result of treatments), have a college degree, a decent job, etc. I AM thankful, but thinking about all of that doesn't help when I am constantly invited to baby shower after baby shower (actually supposed to be going to one tomorrow) and everyone around me (in my age group) is pregnant or has children. I am depressed, exhausted, I have a low self-esteem (which doesn't help the husband situation out much). I am just venting..........and crying as I write this.... thats all.

Hi, I understand.... Please don't cry ;)
I feel for you because I won't have babies either. ...

My husband and I have been trying to get pregnant for 5 years now, 7 if you count never using condoms while dating. We are now doing IVF and had a miscarriage at 8 weeks on our first round. I'm going into my 4th round of IVF and still nothing. With all the problems my insurance company is giving me I may not be doing it at all anymore. All my friends and family have kids or are on their second and 3rd ones. 6 more just told me they are pregnant and one was told she could never have kids. While I'm happy for these people I, myself am miserable. I don't ever go to baby showers, just send a gift. The one that I did go to was very hard to get through. I can't even bring myself to congratulate my friends and family and I feel like such an a**hole. I recently had a friend of mine tell me that I'm selfish for feeling this way. I tried pointing out to him that he never has been in my situation and never will be seeing as how he doesn't want kids. Needless to say he still thinks I'm selfish. I couldn't even write this without crying.

Hi, my name is nicole in I stay in the u.s I'm 21 in don't have any kids I been tryna since I was 17 and I have a history of way I can't in it's hurts my bad to even think about it but I have a strong faith about myself I been wondering do I have any eggs lefts or is that I'm just all mess up I pray to him in ask for a child I just don't know where to start with myself. I called the egg donor in call to get surgery my boyfriend with kids but I just can't have them I been around a lot of people's that treat there kids like there dead beat father smh, I just hope that there is away for us women to have kids. Trully want to be bless.

Try being a teacher to other peoples kids.... I used to love my job but since I found out that I cant(one reason my stress level is too high I think due to my job) I hate my job so not only am I angry bout my situation I nOw hate what I do... Do what do I do?

HI IM 32 want 3 kids married for 8 yrs however husband step outside of marriage and had a baby hes 6 now i was supper hurt and sad however i will still trust god on my journey to have kids its a sad thing to me not to have any iv had 1 misscariage and it took a lot out of me but on the flip side i can get pregnant but it didnt last so now im trusting god like never before, i cry all the time like y yy but i cant worry,i seen people all the time unmarried with kids and pregnant,it burns my up and my heart hurt however for you whos reading this we together will trust god and touch and agree that he will bless us one day be blessed and pray love want 3

I am 22 years old and unable to have children. Many of my friends and family have children that I babysit and buy clothes for etc. There are times where it still hurts to know that I cannot have biological children, however I am planning to adopt when the time is right. I have battled what it means to be a woman, how my childhood dreams will not exist but the thing about life is- the only sure thing is change. God Bless. Hope this helps.

I am 22 years old and unable to have children. Many of my friends and family have children that I babysit and buy clothes for etc. There are times where it still hurts to know that I cannot have biological children, however I am planning to adopt when the time is right. I have battled what it means to be a woman, how my childhood dreams will not exist but the thing about life is- the only sure thing is change. God Bless. Hope this helps.

Hi there. I know your pain and emotional feelings. I knew since 19 that I could not carry a child due to a genetic disorder and heart condition I have. But never really hit me of course till my late 20's. Who had 19 are ready? Recently, my husband and I are just researching and were going to start the IVF process and just found out this week the final costs of things and its well over 60,000! Which we can not afford at this time. Very heartbreaking and seeking adoption advice as well at this time. But still going through the process is emotionally difficult on the both of us. IF that is not worse enough, I was laid off for a year but finally got a job this week but of all places at an OB/GYN clinic! I took it bc it was really close to my home and the hours were a good fit. But it is really hard to see pregnant women alone but then I see 19-20 yr olds being pregnant and nothing against them just thinking same time in my head it is NOT fair. So, I more just concentrate on my job alone (which are computer system gives me enough clicks for one patient to do so :-) and a lot to look at to make sure I do everything correct and be nice to the customer and move on to the next one is what I have been doing this week. I think if I can get through this week, which been the toughest just finding out it will be OK. I'm sure you will too! People do ask if I have children yet (which personally, I do not think anyone should ever do given todays world IVF, etc, you don't know peoples situations) and I just simply say no and leave it at that. Of course I'm hurting inside but it will just make me stronger. Prayers to you and for anyone who is out there feeling this. I know there a LOT worse things out there cancer, loosing loved ones, etc. But every difficult situation is different and we all have to cope with something in our lives.

Hi, i am 22 year old. I have a problem with recurrent miscarraiges. I going thourgh the stages of fertilty investiagations and they have found that my uterus is heart-shaped. I dont know what to think or feel. I still havnt lost all hope yet but my emotions are all over the places. I do work in the child care industry and find it very hard to work with the litte ones as it remindes me that i may not be able to have one of my own. So i deceided to work wit the older ones. I know they are still children but for some reason it is easiler to handle emotionally. I think it is because when i think of all my pregnancy losses i think of a newborn and small children not a 7 year old. Some days are better. Sometimes i could go weeks without thinking about it and life is getting back on track and something remindes me of it such as an appointment to doctors or a friend having a baby or a television show. Then i get anxiety and all depressed for days. I dont know how to deal with apart from thinking i will have kids oneday and that it is just a delay it can be fixed but what if it cant? it is very hard to think in a positive way and also not give up thinking like that sometimes i feel like i give up it hurts me to much but i know in my heart i need to keep trying until the doctors say there is no point any more. not knowing if i can or cant is killing me and to go through omg i am pregnant and a few weeks later i am no again is devasting.

Hi my name is scott and I live in Australia. My sister who is 40 has been told she can't have children. She is in a long term relationship with a great guy and are engaged. They just had a still birth (1 week before full time pregnancy), very sad and as you can imagine, devastating for everyone. My father died young and i need to take a lead role now being the older brother and father figure. I need some information on adoption that may give them hope of adoption in Australia. We are a very loving family, I have a beautiful 9 year old daughter with my wife. She is the only child on both sides of our family and only child im my family. she would love to have a cousin and I desperatly want my sister and her partner to be happy

I have been off and on since 2011. Never having courage to say something. I think same as most people here. Time and time again everyone else but me or us. It's hard. I try everything even losing weight and life just keeps showing me other people, celebrities. I prayed about it. Go to church. It just seems that maybe I'm not destined to be a mother. I worry who will take care of me. Its hard to see everyone else but me. I love my hubby but think maybe our love is not strong enough to conceive a child or maybe were not meant to be together. I doubt things sometimes. I have Faith in trust in God it just upsets me why this has happened to me. It's just certain people or certain women that are already made that way. I just wish I would of known that life was gonna do this too me. I'm the only aunt with no kids. Cousin married after me. Only took 1 year and me its been much longer. I can pray about it for years and life just shows me through others how they're pregnant. It upsets me and always angry. I love my husband so much. He never understands that I had a vision or at least thought it was gonna be okay. Everyday I realize that the struggle keeps getting greater. Just found out another person is expecting. It's annoying because everytime I try its fail for me but positive for someone else. I don't get it. Thanks for this post. I can vent! I actually feel like I'm not alone. I'm outcast to everyone else. Family, sil's, acquaintances all have kids but me. I never been pregnant before. I always thought we were all made to be mothers. I was wrong.