I Refuse Their Pity And Refuse To Feel Sorry For Myself...So I guess my story started when I was 18 and the miscarriage. At the time I thought it was the best thing that could have happened because I wasnt really ready for a kid and really was still just a kid myself. I have been married to my husband for almost 2 years, but we have been together for over 10. I was on birth control from the time I was 15 till 27. In 2006 we were in a pretty bad car wreck and I ended up with a broken back and had to have metal rods and pins put in my spine and was in a body brace for months. I continued taking the birth control until my back was completly healed. We weren't sure I would ever be able to physically carry a child to term, but in 2008 I had the metal taken out and was given the go ahead to get pregnant. We started trying almost immediately. I started with all of the old wives tales - like counting the days to see when i was ovulating. Every month my heart would break a little more and a small piece of ice would lodge itself in my chest on the day I would start. I started wondering what was going on, I mean I had already been pregnant so what was the deal. I started to notice my cycles were getting progressively shorter each month. So I began researching and ended up going to see a hormone doctor. He diagnosed me with low progesterone gave me a sc
And really no one understands. My best friend always tells me she knows exactly what i am going through, but she has a daughter and chose to have her tubes tied when she turned 25 so how in the world can she know. My mother tells me she understands but she has 2 kids and a grandson she is crazy over, how can she possibly come close to understanding!!
But today I found this website and read so many other couples who are in the same place we are and now I'm even a little more upset that so many women have to experience this embarassment and I also now know, that what I am feeling is normal. I am going to try and make some changes in my life. I will no longer host all of the baby showers for my friends and family. I will no longer drop everything to spend time with the the kids in my life. I will no longer plan my holidays around other peoples children. I will no longer let what other people think of my life affect me. I refuse their pity and refuse to feel sorry for myself. I will try to actually believe these things and attempt let those shards of ice stuck in my chest, melt and maybe one day I will feel like a whole woman regardless of if I have a child or not. I will hold my head up and not feel slighted when I tell them we can't have kids, because, it's not my fault.......
Mp231980 31-35 0 Mar 12, 2012