My Choice?

My story is a little different than most here. I'm not sure if I can have children or not but I know my soul-mate, the man I've looked for my whole life cannot.

I'm 27, and I have wanted to be a mother and wife for as long as I can remember. When I was 24 I became engaged to a man I thought I loved and who loved me. We began trying to have children and a year later we still weren't pregnant. I thought it was just God's way of saying we weren't ready yet. 6 months later when I left because of his abuse I was thankful for not having children with him. Fast forward a year and I met a then 40 year old man who was wonderful, and caring, and loving, and truly my soul-mate, someone who really truly understands me. I love him with my whole heart, and I love his 3 children as if they were my own. With my now husband I know what it's like to truly have someone who loves you and won't hurt you.

The problem is he had a vasectomy some 10 years before I met him, shortly after his 3rd child was born. I knew this when I fell in love with him, and when I married him. We didn't think it would be a problem because we agreed he'd just have it reversed. Well it's not as simple as just having it reversed. Reversal is turning out to be much more expensive than when he had the procedure done in the first place. When we found out how expensive that would be, we weighed the financial aspects of it and possible side effects with his past medical history and decided that wasn't the best option.

Our next choice was adoption. I've always said that after having one or two of my own I would love to adopt a child or two. I mean there's hundreds of children who need loving parents out there. We began to investigate adoption. Very expensive and we were told with my husbands past medical history no agency would give us a child.

So here we are trying like mad to have a child, and being turned down at every avenue. I've tried talking to friends about it and all they say is well you chose this. You chose to marry him knowing he couldn't have children. Yes I did choose to marry him knowing he had a vasectomy but we had a plan on how to have children and those plans have all been exhausted.

I just want one person to understand or be compassionate or anything. Is this really all my fault, did I choose the wrong man, when the only flaw he has is that he had a vasectomy years and years before he even knew I existed?
MrsTaylor85 MrsTaylor85
26-30, F
2 Responses Jan 16, 2013

Talk to a fertility expert, if you haven't already. Is it possible to extract ***** from your husband for a reasonable amount of money? If not, I'm sorry things didn't work out the way you'd planned. Would you two consider your becoming pregnant by another man? If not, grieve for not having your biological child and love the ones you have even more.

It so difficult to discernt on this issue; sometimes 'Love' knows no tooth decays. It blinks/closes its eyes to faults/predicaments of others and always goes for the bright/better side of the coin no matter what the situation with the barest hope that things would have the straight paths. Your love for this man was no exceptional 'soul mate', and that is what matters. Children are a gift from God. It does not matter the ailment of your husband at this moment, if it's the Lord's will, you will have a child.