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A 'Straight' Lesbian? (I Really Dislike Labels)

I am a woman who recently fell in love with a very close male friend of mine that happens to crossdress. We have SO much in common and he's definitely my favorite person on the planet to spend time with. Since I have only ever been in traditional heterosexual relationships, I told myself that CDing just "wasn't my thing" and that I couldn't be attracted to a man in women's clothing. I completely dismissed the idea of a sexual relationship with him when I first met him.

I am a very open-minded person and studied sexuality and gender identity in college, but I still thought that I only could be with a "manly man" romantically. I told him that we could only be friends because I just didn't find the CD thing sexually appealing. Fortunately, we started spending a lot of time together and I found myself falling in love with him. (He says that he fell in love with me the first night we met.) :) It's only been about 2 weeks since our relationship turned romantic and I joined this site to try to open my mind up further and learn more about the psychological and emotional pieces that surround crossdressing in heterosexual men.

I am still not 100% "comfortable" with the idea of being with such a feminine man, but I REALLY want to learn to be. I have never felt a love like this before and I am hoping that this site will help me let go of all the social brainwashing that I've received all these years so I can give him all of the love that I can...

I think it's a good sign that I already find him sexy in satin... ;)
sweetone23 sweetone23 31-35, F 14 Responses Dec 5, 2012

Your Response


Hey that's great to hear! I think a lot of women ease into a relationship w/ a CD if they think of womens clothes/hair/makeup as a common ground the couple shares that they can use to build their relationship on. Think about it: its an activity I'm sure both of you enjoy and can share with each other, just like if a couple was into music or arts and crafts.

Know you know there is brain washing it's not just how we free but how we are taught to believe
never follow blindly

Your statement of social brainwashing is spot on. Go with what you you feel is right.

I do hope your relationship is working out well, and that you are feeling comfortable with the feminine side of your man. It's interesting to me to hear from women who thought they could only love a "manly" man, who then fall in love with a guy who has a feminine side and a thing for dressing up. When you truly love someone, the clothes really don't make that much of a difference. Thanks for sharing your story!

Since I suppose he doesn't go to work crossdressed, then his personal preference to do so in private with you is his way to be whole and cope with his dissociative identity. This is healthy for him since otherwise would invoke repression leading to a timebomb and come out out of control at some point. Nobody is perfect, and you accepting this condition is similar to accepting other weaknesses in either one. Think of it as role playing for fun, and for the love you have.

I don't think its a weakness, I think there are some men who simply feel that women's clothes are more fun and exciting than men's clothes.
Crossdressing is a healthy form of self-expression that can be fun for both halves of a relationship. The only weakness in crossdressing is the view society has imposed upon it

I love your story and profile, please add me :)

Your story is so inspirational. I live in northern California. I would absolutely LOVE to find a woman to be a life long partner who knows and encourages, assists me in dressing like a woman. I am 100% male M-F from 7am to 6pm. I would be happy to do the house work and maintenance. Then after that if its OK with my partner I can dress up and just hang around or be he "lesbian" lover. I can dream...

Would you elaborate for all of us who are looking for this type of women?
How to search for this type of female on line, what type of person should we be looking for etc.
I'm sure that their are women out there, but us cross dressers don't know how to politely ask if they would like to hang out with us. Maybe just as friends only.


I see that you are very serious in being considered a feminine male person within a relationship with a female? If so then, they are out there, your challenge will be to tell them who you are. I did this long ago with my wife and she accepted me for who I am, which is a closet male crossdressed in teh home with his wife who support him etc. I can't go public, but that is a minor issue. I am happy to wear female jeans and tops and be considered male. I do dress in dresses and bras, with **** and more in the home. My wife and I are comfortable hanging out this way. I have also forgotten some of my "I am being female" this way and gotten more into who am I.

Most women are like that, they just don't know it :P a lot of women would jump at the chance of swapping makeup tips or talking about what kinds of clothes flatter which body types be they male or female. Just find a girl, keep her as a friend, and have that convo!

You have come to the right place darling

All the responses you got here are excellent sign posts in your future path if you chose to stay with your exceptional crossdressing honey. My story is similar, and my wife had trouble balancing herself since getting a reference point many years ago was more difficult, you have the benefit of the internet today. She eventually totally accepted me and my crossdressing pleasures, while I can't pass I do wear out what fem what will pass as male. We shop clothes together, like a couple of girlfriends, which we are, I do feed the male need she has in terms of a relationship, and the eroticism is more on my part than her part. I recently shaved from neck to toe for the past 5 months and asked if I should grow it back and she said no, I like it clean and bare, so who would know, I shave on a lark, and love it, now she does too.

Your adventure is just beginning, we are all a continuum of gender, so you have male in you as well as female, hopefully you will find and express your balance point between the two along with your honey, she will totally love you as long as you love her.

Go shopping for lingerie together if you haven't yet, let him wear some girl jeans and a blouse, let the onlookers catch the scene, they will know, but no one will say a word that is not pc. Enjoy the adrenaline rush and know that you are the envy of many women, and men who want to be like a woman to get the inside view of what they love.

I just wish there were more women like you.

Thats great, I wish more lesbian or bi girls would try to find out more about us. We are just a girl at heart and we know how a girl feels and wants to be loved.

Fabulous sweetie

Glad you are open minded enough not to dismiss your feelings for your new guy just because he is a crossdresser. Women like yourself are rare, and I am glad you are surfing the net looking for information.