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A Few Depressing Thoughts

My Husband is 21 years older than I am, he will be 56 this year. Most of the time we don't notice the age gap. He is just my Husband and I am, as always just me.

He tells me that I make him feel young. He forgets his age as do I, but then he will go to do something and his body gives him a jolting reminder... Hey stud, you're not 30 anymore, get over it!

So this morning, I was making my Husband a bacon sandwich. White bread with butter, cholesterol, all that salt, refined carbs. Everything is wrong with that as a food choice but he loves it and I pander to him even though I think to myself, he shouldn't be eating that crap. So there I am, frying the bacon and I hear on the radio that Frank Carson has died. Stomach Cancer. My Husbands reaction was "He was 85, just 30 years older than I am"

When we hear about someone well known or well loved dying, it does make you question your own mortality for a while and especially of those close to you. I know one day my Husband will no longer be with us. I know that's a terrible thought and really morbid but it's still fact. I will still be relatively young when it happens and our children will be young adults.

The thought fills me will fear and sadness. My Husband is my world. I would do anything for him. Thinking about him dying makes me think, how will I ever cope without him? What will life be worth on my own? Maybe that's a reflection on my own self esteem but here we are.

Right, so now I've depressed myself and everyone who reads this, I'm going to make a cup of tea. With sugar and a biscuit. Sod the refined carbs lol :o)
RobertaSunset RobertaSunset 36-40, F 7 Responses Feb 23, 2012

Your Response


Roberta, what a thoughtful post. It's natural to consider our mortality when someone we know has died. I think about death sometimes. My mom has had 3 heart attacks and still has high cholesterol. When she complains of chest pains, I have nightmares of her dying while we watch tv. I pander to her, too, considering how tired she is I don't make her exercise. I feel guilty about that, but to enjoy her in this very moment... that's my goal. It eliminates my stress and her disappointment in me, I guess. Love your over-the-hill hubby, live every moment you have with him in love.

Thankyou... I believe we are :o)

Refined carbs, yes, what would the world be without them, I hate to think about that, I refuse to write about it, it would depress... every... one... ;-)

lol yes, but try to avoid them all the same, do have a penchant for crisps though and that will never change unfortunately :o)

I suppose we should all eat better, get more sleep, do this, stop doing that....but on the other hand...maybe its all pre-destined...when your numbers up..its up..I dunno....maybe grill the bacon and buy low carb bread???

Ooh, the predestination question... Mmm. Will keep quiet on this one :)

Come on, JustMe, dive in... predestination seems to be a religious matter... but do you know that God didn't ordain the sabbath for the day, but for people so they can rest? Why is religion such a bad taste in everyone's mouth? Religion is rigid, just like parenting... but love is the end result so that people can be their best... paying attention to what matters most (spiritual life, eating healthy) vs a life centered on fun and relaxation (or carbs, lol)... anyway, there's my rant for the night.

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I would recommend that you substitute whole wheat bread for white bread, banish the latter from your home and your string bag altogether. I hope that you can procure stevia where you are. It is a sugar substitute from a plant that grows in South America. I use it habitually and have come to prefer it over sugar in taste as well as for keeping my blood sugar low. <br />
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I am on what is basically a diabetic diet because my naturopathic doctor diagnosed me as a "pre-diabetic." That was a year and a half ago. By following her recommended diet and exercise programme, my triglycerides problem has gone away completely, and fasting blood sugar has dropped too. My weight dropped from 16 stone down to less than 15. Not to brag, but I am slightly slimmer than my picture shows in high summer of 2004. I said to her last summer that what I am concerned about now is that I could be tackled by a mob of sex-crazed women. She suggested that I go to the gym and build up some big muscles so that I could fight them off my back. They have not been a problem so far.<br />
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I gather from both this and your other posts that you are acutely aware that your husband is a very precious part of your life. Of course you are also aware that you need to preserve him within three-dimensional reality. You can encourage him to eat what is good for him and refrain from white bread bacon sandwiches by stating your motivation for doing so. Say something after the order of, "I love so much and desperately need to preserve you from The Grim Reaper. For that cause, I forbore from replacing the bacon when it ran out and replaced the white bread with something far and away superior."

Lol, you are so funny and absolutely right. I hope those sex crazed women don't prove too much of a problem for you :o)

Be here now! Ram Das wrote a book by the same title but what does it mean.<br />
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You are not your mind.... You are much more than the thoughts in your head. You are the quiet observer along for the ride on this journey we call life.<br />
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The past is in the past. It does not exist anywhere but in your memory and your memory changes with time so that even the memories aren't what "really" happened. Even very recent recollections are quite likely not what "really" happened. The past is not real. <br />
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The future is not real either. The future is like the past in that it only exists in your mind. It is a projection of your mind. Your mind takes past recollections and projects them to create a story that plays inside your head. That story is not real. <br />
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Nothing ever happened in the past and nothing will ever happen in the future. Sure things will eventually come to pass but when they do it will be in the now. Things can only happen in the now. Right now. In this very moment. The eternal moment of the now. <br />
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Live for now! Be here now! Love this moment. Cherish the now. Don't allow your mind to depress you with memories of the past nor thoughts of what is to come. Peace.<br />
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When you live life in this manner you quiet the mind for the mind or ego can only live in the past or future. When you live in the now you are in touch with your essence you are in touch with the Source.

That's a wonderful thought. I think IO need to read that book, I believe it may be quite beneficial to me because I am going through a period of change at the moment and trying to rid myself of things that hold me back with my life. I suggest you share this comment as a story if you haven't already done so. Thankyou for sharing :o)

......Maybe that's a refection on my own self esteem but here we are......<br />
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Don't feel bad about it, these thoughts are more and more in my mind all the time, and will be as we get older more and more. My husband is 21 years older than I'm and like you most of the time we don't even pay attention to it, but there are times when he does not react like before, like he gets tired a lot easier, but I do as well, so we just go on, and when thoughts like this show up, I tried to think, in something else and try to tell myself, only the ;Lord makes those decisions, age does not dictate when do we depart, and on the meantime we need to work on making life a lot better for each other, even when that means sometimes accepting his discipline, as I see it as his love, as if he didn't love or care for me, he would not care how I act, at the same time I see my obligation to keep those times to the minimum which is not easy at times and try to enjoy the time we have together. We have been married 19 years, and the feelings you describe will get more common as you both grow older, but try to focus on the nice things you have done and the many more you have ahead of both you

Yes Roberta ... this is an interesting dilemma isn't it? Whilst pandering to someone's tastes and preferences we are often not doing them any favours in terms of their health and wellbeing. The nature of loving someone is that we are often conflicted. The realisation that those we love (no matter their age in relation to our own) could be taken from us at any time is a harsh reality of course, and one that every single human being on the planet is engaged with ... albeit not always facing it head on. Being human, loving others and being attached is a tough call but short of removing ourselves from the joys which go with those attachments there isn't much any of us can do ... except to enjoy the moment and love each other while we have the opportunity. Meanwhile, I suggest grilling the bacon, a little less butter and perhaps a higher fibre bread served with a huge hug, a kiss and a big smile. And take a generous helping of the hugs, kisses and smiles for yourself too while your at it. :-)

He would never agree to that lol, now I just accidently forget to put bacon in the trolley so he doesn't have it too often lol

Don't think about what could happen. Think about each day as it comes and what it brings you. Enjoy your husband, moment to moment..........................Live your lives as though no one is looking at you! <br />
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I am 8 years older than my husband by 8 years, which was not a lot when we were younger.....however I now see that ageing is a problem for him and I try and encourage him daily.

I suppose that's the best we can do, try to take care of each other and live our lives for every moment.

And I see from your other story that you are married for over 30 years ? . Thats a great thing for you be encouraging to your husband.