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Wondering About Polyandry

because I am totally lost and confused about why it is that my wife wants to be so into this but it makes me uncomfortable. I am filled with feelings that I am not good enough or cannot do for her what someone else can. I thought the whole point of a marriage was to be their for one another and to complete and/or respect one another. This whole life style has me baffled. Now please do not thing I am attacking, after all every one is entitled to their own ideas of sex, love and what have you. I am trying very hard to gain some perspective here, I am just having a very hard time making the intellectual leap (so to speak).
Michael820 Michael820 41-45, M 9 Responses Nov 22, 2011

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Michael I understand your confusion. If you're anything like me I have a problem with it not only because one does end up wondering why their not "enough" but reality is that is does dilute your relationship with that person. I really don't think we are made to be emotionally attached to several people so we end up closing ourselves off to someone. This is why I had to walk away from this type of relationship. I am one of those all or nothing kind of people. It's hard to half step and that's what that kind of relationship feels like to me.

Michael, perhaps it's important to define between you what it is you love about each other. There are many reasons why she chose you and why she is staying with you. Focus on those positives. From personal experience I know that it can be difficult for you to get everything from one partner. If she is going to explore elements of her actuality without you, understand what it is she wants from the experience. Perhaps there is something you can learn? Equally be open about your needs and don't hesitate to explore them, without her if that's the way the exploration takes you. Ultimately the two of you need to define how this works. I would say that if it descends to random ******* of strangers then it is probably broken. However if it's about agreed exploration of needs, with the reassurance that your love is still the prime driver, then that might just be v thev best way for you. Only both of you can decide.

Well it is no longer a problem I have to worry about as she and I have divorced and are no longer together. I thank you for replying though. :-)

It's funny how you said you got a divorce because after I read your story that was going to be my recommendation. Oh well you beat me to it, I hope you are happier with life and trust me you will find someone that loves only you,for being just you.

I can understand your feelings. If my husband wanted to have another woman living and sleeping with us I would feel very inadequate.

Don't apologize for not being up for this....I would be the same.....I want one man, and I want one man to want, just me!

She may be like me, I love the man I am with, I really do. We have a friend who has always been with us, we both love him. My guy loves him like a brother and I love him more than I should. I do not want to lose either man. We work well together we enjoy the same things and we even take a yearly trip together as friends but it is just the 3 of us and the one time we added someone extra who was interested in him it was awkward, she felt that he wanted to spend time with us more than her. Is she interested in the idea or a specific person?

The Idea, I think. As she and I are now separated and divorced it matters little. Other then my now own interest.

Your feelings are exactly the ones my husband would have if I approached him with the topic. I am a very sexual and giving creature and a relationship like this would work very well for me. I love my husband and this has nothing to do with how I feel about him. It is just something I feel I was meant to do. It goes along with what comes naturally to me. I like that it is a commited relationship between all parties and that trust and romance is for all to share. The only difference is that it is in multiples. As "BeMYBadGirl" says, I have only heard about this a few days ago and I am prepping myself to the polyandry wife.

Omg yes! My feelings EXACTLY. my boyfriend would leave me if I told him about this..which is terrible because hey just doesn't understand. ..I don't know how to make him grasp the concept or even if he can ...help?

I have to agree with lillianacolby that you should probably think about moving on unless you are willing to be more open minded about this situation. I am in a cuckold relationship with Nancy and she is seeking to bring another into our household in a poly relationship. It is a logical extension of what she has been doing and works for me. One thing is that no matter what i will remain her legal husband and he will only be spiritually bound to her. Even with him in a poly relationship Nancy will likely seek other men as she has. This doesn't work for everyone but I accept it and it works for us

If you don't think you could be happy in this situation, then you should probably consider moving on. I agree with BeMYBadGirl, and would like to add that while polyandrous relationships make many people very happy, it can only work if everyone is on board.

You are in a difficult situation because the real options are very limited for you. You must either accept your wife having other partners or move onto a new relationship with someone else. People evolve over time. When she married you, she may have had no idea that being with just one man would be difficult for her. She may be totally surprised that she can develop feelings for other men while still loving you. In truth, as humans, we are all capable of loving multiple people. Parents can love more than one child and men and women can love more than one partner if they allow themselves to.<br />
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I recommend allowing yourself to see the possibilities here. Women who have other partners tend to be more sexual. They tend to keep themselves more physically fit. They tend to be more adventurous and interesting in other areas of life. You may find that her love for you will grow as you accept her as she is. You may also find that you can enjoy her loving others. You may have no similar need, and that is fine. It is not a matter of justice, it is a matter of accepting one another for who you are.

Can you stop with all the "love multiple" speech.
What you are talking about is LUST, not love so don`t act like you are some noble dude who is willing to feed your wifes to wolves.
You are a pervert and you are degrading your wife.
And the reason as to why you are TRASH:
You are a sIut, you refuse to accept that you are a sIut at first, and now you want a sIut wife and resents your current wife, yet you married a wife that is not a sIut and refused to divorce her.
As compared to other polygamy couples, you deserved 0 respect from anyone.
You are the most despicable person on earth.
Please stop all your crap talks and move on with your trashy worthless life, pervertic sIut.
But i think nobody would have want to **** you anyway since you are old, ugly and haggard.
And, Michael820, your wife is a sIut, and if you are not, i suggest you to leave, because you don`t want to catch aids for no reason, do you?
I am not trying to be mean, but you leave no room for mercy from me.