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The Truth That May Destroy Me.

It's the most horrible feeling.  Spending half your life with someone and not ever really knowing.  At this point, it's irrellevant as it's not going to change the past or the future.  Sadly, it's still a question that circles in my mind.

Mahal1023 Mahal1023 46-50, F 17 Responses May 2, 2011

Your Response


Alvinx I'm sorry to hear about the pain you're in. Dealing with infidelity us excruciatingly painful and pretty much shreds your self esteem virtually to almost nothing. At some point you need to decide not to allow the pain to continuously victimize you. Its one of the hardest thing I had to do. I do wish you well.

I have recently been thinking about this also (cheating partner) and I think it's one <br />
Of the most depressing things to deal with

Pandas, we all have to get through it somehow and not let it get the best of us.

It's a horrible thought, the only one I ever have.

RH0041, we've all been there. I know how desperate and lost I felt when I was where you are at now. I always knew that my marriage was in trouble. One day it's as if I woke up from a trance and all of the suddenly saw more clearly. I was stunned with what I saw and I had been living my life all these years. I know it sounds crazy but that's the best way I can explain it. It was like a horrible Twilight Zone episode.

Thank You Mahal,<br />
It helps to know people care.

RH0041, I'm sorry. Even once you realize what you need to do, the process is still difficult..whether you stay or go. How I wish I could take away the pain from you. Just hang in there.

I guess I hear what your saying....It just isn't supposed to be so hard. or maybe it is?

Geetar, I have a very busy and fulfilling life with my daughter. I'm at peace with my decision to divorce. It is such a relief not to feel as though you're responsible for someone happiness or unhappiness. (whichever way you want to look at it.) I'm blessed with so many loving wonderful friends. There is more laughter than tears in my life these days. I'm not a self-loathing person. I'm not one who chooses to be unhappy nor do I have the patience to wallow in self-pity. I simply just can't shake that heaviness that I feel inside. The simple thought of being committed to someone again, makes me want to throw up and brings on anxiety attacks.

I know that beast. It is a mixture of disbelief (they must have obviously), internal rage (how come i didn't so something sooner), and doubt (what is wrong with me). None of the questions can be answered. Knowing the answers changes nothing. Best to look forward and not backward and make tomorrow slightly better than today.

RH0041, wanting to be loved has nothing to do with being greedy. It has everything to do with wanting to feel fulfilled. If you haven't already, read some of the stories in the Sexless Marriage group. This is going to sound like such a textbook advice, but I'm going to say it anyways. Consider going to counseling by yourself. Maybe a therapist can help you put things in perspective. I want to feel loved, needed, desired, trusted and respected. At this point in my life, I want it all or I want nothing at all.

I don't know what to do!<br />
<br />
I do know that I want to once again enjoy the passions that only a loving woman can give.<br />
If it were just sex, I could go to Vegas for that.<br />
Thats not what I want.<br />
I guess I am greedy....I want to be loved.

RH0041, Your wife cares deeply for you but it not passionately in love with you that she desires you in a physical way. So yeah, you just as well be a roommate or her brother. I don't know what your situation is but at some point, you do have to make a choice for yourself. Find peace in accepting the decision you already made and continue to stay in the marriage or realize that you want more out of your life and get divorced. Only you can answer that. Good luck. Been there, done that!<br />
<br />
Ashe57, I couldn't agree with you more.

wow RH0041 sounds like how my husband was on our wedding night. he is gone now and i do miss him but then he didn't love me or the kids enough to stick around. my thinking is if your not happy why stay in a situation. do whatever is going to make you happy. everyone deserves happiness and should not bother living in a house where you are treated like just another family member rather than a friend and lover...

Oh my...I know where your coming from. I guess I know she did love me, but not the kind of love I was expecting. I guess I knew I was in trouble on our wedding night. She said she was tired and did not want sex, as we had an early morning flight to catch. I was flabbergasted. Then she said she was hungry, so I ordered up some room service, a bottle of wine and got her *** drunk. then we did the big nasty. She was pissed the next morning, but hey ti was way too soon to start that crap. Now she says "I love you, but I am not in-love with you" What the heck does that mean? She thinks of me as her brother?

I know that I'm so over it all....but that's the one question that lingers. Doesn't matter what the answer is because either way, I don't want to hear it. MT, maybe one day we'll both wake up one morning and this won't haunt us anymore.

Know the feeling and those pesky thoughts....