Will They

I don't really want my life to end, I mean sure I always wondered what happened when you died. I have lost someone important to me which would be my brother. I saw my relatives cry when he passed. He knew them  since childhood. Older cousins that I can barely remember their names. They cried when he left. I'm jealous of my brother but sometimes I wonder why he had to get stuck in the wrong crowd and then well you know you get stuck in prison. He was serving a life sentence and he died in February 2 age 27. Last time I saw him was last year.


Tears brought my family together. My mom got in a fights with my aunts in my dad's side of the family.  But when my brother passed we were all united. Friends and family were there for him, I sometimes if many people will come in my death.


I have friends really great friends. It's just some that I don't think will come just like my thirteenth birthday. Only a few people came who brought their friends. I even gave directions but at least they tried to come and I never had a grudge against them. I consider them part of my family, no matter what DNA Test says. My classmates, well I don't know they never seemed to care about me much. I feel them whisper about me and laugh and I bend my head down to hide. I would stand up for myself, but how would I know if they do make fun of me. They have always considered me to be boring. So my guess they won't miss me well maybe except the gum and snacks I sneak in for history class.


Now family, well lets see. My mother has always thought of me as a lazy daughter but I still think she will miss me. My father barely has that much time for me. I wonder if my dog will miss me. My sister will. She always cared for me. I know some people will miss me but other people not so much. I always wanted to miss me a lot if I wasn't there. But I feel ignored a lot. I always ask myself what I do wrong and why people laugh behind me. Is it my personality, appearance, or is it cause I'm never going to live up to people's expectations. I try to be but no gives me a chance, first day we talk then the semester I'm ignored or made fun of behind my back. I always felt bad about this one girl, everyone made fun of her in the beginning of the year cause of her smell, weight,  and her attitude. My friends say she's mean and annoying. I couldn't stand her scent but I never witness her being mean she was nice. I have always been nice to her but I didn't want anyone to see me talking to her because I haven't been picked on and people were being more nice to me and talking. I wanted to tell her sorry for not being for her.


So truth is should I be missed or just a forgotten memory.

bubbly12 bubbly12
13-15, F
1 Response May 23, 2012

I dont usualy answer EP users Your age but reading your story reminds me too much of myself at your age.IT Gets Better.I know ther are some people in your life that you have<br />
to try to live up to their expectations of you.like your parents.however you can set expectations for your self,along with your own goals.then always keep them in sight.

Thank you very much