For I Am Yours...

Just a subtle sound, an imagined touch, a feeling that comes to me in the darkness. Your presence so near yet so far away. I close my eyes and delve deep into the world that contains you, hoping that somewhere I will find you beckoning to me, asking me once more to give you what I cherish most...all of me.

With out fear, I open myself to you. With complete honesty, I give you the gift of my trust. With the knowledge that I am safe, I let you lead me. You discovered what I had hidden and nurtured me, made me realize that I am beautiful and strong and worthy of your love. You showed me the way and shattered the boundaries I had created around myself, not just of my body but of my soul. You made me proud to be a woman and you made it okay to be a sexual being, discovering things about myself that I never knew existed. For the first time, I loved who I was with out judgement, for you did not judge me either. I found myself in a new place, tossed into naivety with the eyes of a virgin. It was like looking upon the world for the first time. People looked different to me, I looked different to me. I saw everything in a new light, a light that was finally free. I was no longer afraid. I wanted to know everything, I wanted to see everything, I wanted to feel everything. I was a child in your arms and I needed you to show me the world, teacher.

Then you were gone, and the world looked dark again. How did I get here? How did I let this need consume me? I was okay before you.....wasn’t I? I lowered my head and cried, mourning the loss of something I never truly got to see. It was all so close, just out of reach, and then it disappeared. The purpose was gone, the inspiration behind my growth dissolved. I tried so hard to please you, to make you see how good I could be. Wasn’t it enough? Wasn’t I enough?

The pain turns to anger and I want to scream. I gave you everything, every part of me. I’m angry because I feel vulnerable and scared. I don’t want to lose what I’ve found. It brought me happiness and you’re taking it away. I showed you my deepest, darkest self...the part that I bury deep within, the part that even I am afraid of, the part that was finally unleashed so it could torment me no more. I finally found this and made it okay and now you want to take it away. Who will give me this freedom to be myself, to love myself? I feel it coming now, it’s dark claws wrapping around me, pulling me down into it’s fiery depths. I blame you. How could you?

The worst part is...I don’t want to tell you any of this. I don’t want you to know how it hurts me. I don’t want you to know that I’m sad, I don’t want you to know that I’m angry, I don’t want you to know that I’m scared. And most of all, I don’t want you to know how bad I want you to stay. Isn’t that the irony of all this? We worked so hard to break down those barriers, to be honest and open and in an instant they can re-appear. I know I am selfish for wanting you to stay and I don’t want you to know that about me. I am insignificant in this plan, the world is a larger place than just my little corner, but it’s MY world that I live in. It is MY world that hurts right now, it is MY world that feels empty, it is MY world that is so mad at you that I could scream, and it is MY world that you’re leaving.

Please don’t be angry at my self-centered words. They are only thoughts on paper after all. Look away and they will be gone; gone from your sight, gone from your mind, lost in the space of time. I still have the darkness, I can still close my eyes and once again I see you. Your hands on my face, your body next to mine, your words in my ear calling me yours. I sink into that place and the pleasure and the pain I so badly crave comes with me. I lift my face to you once more, showing you with the innocence in my eyes that I still trust you, I still long for your touch, I still remember your words...and most of all, I still give myself to you entirely.... for I am yours, Master.
esotericwoman esotericwoman
36-40, F
4 Responses May 10, 2012

Wow this was deep and amazing.

Thank you so much. <3

I miss you. A lot. <br />
Sounds like you took a bad hit, babe. I can only say, call on me.

Yeah, in a bad way. Thank you. You really are the greatest. xoxo

wow blown away.

Thank you, they were powerful feelings. :)

Thank you. /blush