Don't Know

I have recently been analyzing myself and wondering if I'll ever find romantic love in my life.  I'm aware of some of my behaviors that I believe are getting in the way. 

I know I read too much into what people say and do.  I've been called sensitive many a time.  I think of it as being analytical.  I think I'm pretty good at reading peoples character but then I have to question that cause I've made such bad judgements in the past.  The only girlfriend I had in the past year cheated on me and used me.  Yet I thought she was the sweetest thing.  I did question her about many of her behaviors but she always seemed to have a satisfying answer for me.

Even here on EP I've had trouble with women numerous times when I think they're being rude or I think they are annoyed with me.  They tell me they're not and they probably aren't but it seems that way to me.  Then I come off looking like I'm paranoid.  I guess maybe I am.  

Part of that may be the MJ I've been smoking for years.    I've recently started taking psych meds for my bipolar disorder and they are helping.  I also have quit smoking pot but only a few days ago.  I think it's gonna stick though, the meds will help my anxiety which is why I've justified smoking for so many years.

I am doing my best to be patient with myself and I do think that over time I will adjust my behavior, reduce my paranoia, and become less analytical.  

I had a friend who told me last year that although sometimes when he's dating someone he gets annoyed with their attitudes or behaviors, he tries to overlook those things and focus on the good in them.  He said it sometimes turns out that the bad outweighs the good and he eventually decides to end it.  But the point is that he doesn't let a few minor things take hold of him and make his decisions.  He gives it time.  I didn't really think that was great advice at the time but I now see the value in it. 

ReformedAutomaton ReformedAutomaton
41-45, M
6 Responses Feb 9, 2009

Thanks very much Unpredictable...you are always an inspiration :) I am slowly figuring out what I am looking for and what I want. I'm definitely learning to be more patient which is good cause I've mostly gone through life wanting to have everything I want happen right now. That's never seemed to work out for me haha.

RA, very well said Luv. To seek what you want is the only way to achieve happiness. How else would you be able to share your life w/ someone unless they are what you need. <br />
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There are many available ladies out there and not because you pass one or 100 by does that mean they aren't good or not good enough for you, it just means they are not compatible, nothing wrong in that. <br />
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I completely agree w/ not being a *persona* demanding man. That is no way to live I know:(<br />
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You will find her sweetie. I know you will you are kind, tender, sweet, with a hint of devilish fun good combination overall. Hang in there hun, and she will come. xoxo

Thanks for sharing your story with me, sweetie.

Thanks app...I know it's hard to find words, I understand. <br />
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Sidharta...I don't demand anything from women. I think part of my problem is that I am not assertive enough. Demanding something from women is wrong but going after women that have what I'm looking for is right. In that I think I should be demanding...demanding that a woman fits with what I'm looking for, not demanding anything from her (I fully believe that you should never expect to change a person - demanding is commanding someone to change to fit what you want)

hey dear reformed, i understand where you're coming from. i have a friend who's exactly feeling that way. <br />
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i know i'm not good with words. but i'm sure you'll soon find that special girl. ;)

Wow...thanks for the comments ya'll! I guess I gotta write a story about sex or something hilarious to get a comment. Stories from the heart are of no interest on EP unfortunately.