I Wonder If I'll Ever Find A True Love...

I had a troubled childhood and eventually broke ties with my family. Too much hurt there. I was married for 25 yrs only to be told by my husband he never loved me. I have had longtime friends significanlty hurt me seemingly out of the blue. My current (and LAST) husband has hurt me terribly and used and betrayed me. I wonder at times if I'll ever find anyone who will really love me. My chidren love me but come on I am their mother. I mean someone who meets me gets to know me and then actually loves me. Enough to stay, be honest, not betray me, not take advantage of me, just purely love me. I'm sure I am not perfect and am certainly flawed but I am honest compassionate, a good provider, funny... I think I'm a great friend and wife. I would like a longtime friend and or a longtime lover. I don't want to grow old and die alone. I am scared that I'll never know true love. Do you think it actually exists? Not the big screen movie kind but just an honest gentle love and caring between two human beings. I want to know what it feels like to be in someones arms and know that I am safe and I am genuinely loved. That the person holding me isn't thinking of anything else but just sincerely holding ME and enjoying it like I am.  I don't want to be alone forever. I need someone. Dear God my life has come to this. I am so alone I am looking for emotional support and guidance from strangers because I don't have anyone else. Please tell me I am not the only person who wonders if true love really exists or is it a Hallmark fantasy or a notion that died with our grandparents.

nolookingback nolookingback
46-50, F
1 Response Feb 24, 2010

I don't know if it exists..I don't know if it is ever going to happen to you. But one thing I know for sure is you should love yourself first. Like in Madonnas song first love yourself, then you can love someonelse (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G2K5KbNECvU)<br />
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But if you had troubled childhood it may be more complicated for you. I understand this feeling of wanting someone who would truly care for you. TRULY and honestly care...I am looking for that too. I am married, but still I don't feel protected, save..I still don't have this feeling that someone deeply cares about me..I don't know if I ever will. I read that it may be because of drinking problem in my family. But I started therapy.And I am hoping to be happy and free and maybe someday feel that I have someone to care...<br />
I wish you the same...And you should know you are not alone..it is not your fault that you feel the this way, but you need to learn to love yourself..<br />
p.s And believe me your children love you because of you, not just because you are their mother.And they will love you forever.