Cybercheater Or?

Right, so... I'm just going to let it out.

My man is not the best at showing he cares. He walks a thin line of psychopathic tendency. He doesn't care about much. He can't grasp what would hurt a person emotionally or why. But he claims that I make him feel.

So, the first thing that happened in the relationship that has hurt a bit was when he asked a girl from his work for naked pictures.

She has/had a husband in the army and he was deployed. She told my man that she had taken naked pics of herself to send to him and then they got in a fight and she didn't want to send them to him anymore. My man says "I jokingly said give them to me and I will get rid of them for you." The next day? They were in a cd on his desk. Instead of telling her that he was with someone and it was a joke he took them.

We talked about it. I am not happy to this day about that and that was a year or so ago.

Then fast forward to last year.

He was on the computer and I asked if I could check my email right quick. He said sure and left the room. I got onto the computer and clicked the yahoo mail! button on his browser and it took me to the last page he had been looking at in his email.

Okay. I so should not have read it. And I wouldn't have if it hadn't said that whoever sent it was trying to meet him at a hotel and should they bring anything?

He claims nothing happened. It was harmless and just emails. Never met them in person.

Before I got with him I was in a bad place and I didn't want to revisit that place inside me so I dropped it. Afterall the email was from 2006. Yeah we were together then but it was the same time as the naked pic thing and we had already talked about that. So I told him how uncomfortable it made me. Then dropped it.

Someone sent me a Is your spouse or lover cheating on you? email in my myspace. I ignored it and trashed it. I probably shouldn't have...

Yesterday I find out that one of his friends, who is married and still wants my man something feirce, is telling him he has a jealous girlfriend who is sending her husband conversations between the two of them. He didn't confront me. I heard about this through someone else.

 

I love him. He helped put me back together again after I was a broken wreck for years. But I think its starting to hurt more to be with him than it is making me happy.

I go from wanting to stab him in his temple to smiling when he smiles at me.

This isn't healthy. But then it goes away and all I feel is love again.

I feel strangely surreal about the hurt. Like I feel it but then like its happening to someone else. Weird.

Icurus Icurus
26-30, F
Mar 27, 2009