Hurting You Own Flesh And Blood

this is my response in saying that spanking a child is nothing short of taking a base ball bat to an enmeies head. Why would a parent want to inflict bodiley harm to there own offspring? seesm to me that there is an anger issue that should ahve been addressed befoere they decided to become parents. You don't need to inflict pain to a child to teach them fright from wrong. Its like having a ciggarett in your mouth and telling your teenage kid not to smoke. Just doesn't make sense and it has been proven it only encuorages violnce in the house hold
redtailfree48 redtailfree48
46-50, M
25 Responses Jul 10, 2010

Thats it, thats the key

Redtail, yes and I I think I still have the chance to do things right. Violence is not mine. I have figured it all out that it is not all that worth it. Spanking or hitting doesn't mean a hundred-percent -discipline motivated. somewhere inside a parent has the spirit of being dogmatic and manipulative the simple way ( in behalf their childhood days ). But will firmly stick to my role as a mother, No is a NO and YES is a YES.

Zephyr, there is a saying or a notion that violence begets violence. Some times people as parents do try to justify that you are only doing this to keep control of the situation, the only thing they remember is being hit, causing pain to a child. At the same time you can't be second guessing yourself that has happened in the past, the only thing I can tell you is that you can advocate that there is no solution to hitting your child. As you already seen there is recourse. Talk with your son and explain to him that hitting is and has never been the answer and that you two need to see eye to eye on many things okay?

I tried spanking (even hiting) as one form of a solution to control matters with my kids. but I never applied it till they were in their school years. And most of the time, than never, i feel bad about it. I felt bad that i can't feel the satisfaction of the fact that what i did was right for the sake of my kids future. I just can't get myself the justification to my own self that what I did to my kid is just okay. It's one way of descipling my own kids. But NO, it just don't feel right. While giving the spanking (hitting) to my kids I felt as if I am just letting my anger out in the form of spanking them. It's just not right at all. And later I myself would feel bad. And feel like heading to my kids and giving them a hug saying sorry and explaing to them i felt bad hurting them that way ( but ofcourse I did neither of those). But I swear it never felt good. Then I realized that I have been using my emotion, the hurt and anger, becoz my kid didn't just won't listen and do what he was told to do. And it is just covering those last recourse (spanking) to what I defend myself as discipline. After all ( I thought )<br />
my kids aren't that bad boys to be treated like adults being spanked or punished by adults inside the house where they live (plain as that). Just becoz moms are much bigger and powerful than them.<br />
My kids are now in their early teens, and regretfully , after years of keeping my hands off my kids,<br />
I was forced to do it. And to my great fear the thing I was scared of, happened. My kid threw a punch at me after I slapped the face. I was so heartbroken and felt at a loss. And felt I need to do something to this matter, and any heat argument won't help at all. My kid is already a small adult.<br />
Rather, Now I really need some serious matter on my hands that would really need serious advice.

Thats the key now isn't it..... Whats funny is common sense isn't as common as we had hoped it to be. Knowing right form wrong and having common sense would diminish any chance of child abuse. yes hitting a child is abuse no matter how you look at it or how anyone can just sit there and justify it.

More than just mixed messages, its unwarranted in any case. A home is suppose to be a place of peace when a child is already subjected to bullying and violence. I on the other hand believe that we should teach or children to protect themselves when they need to, not a tool to violence.<br />
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Its funny how there are those who try to justify corp punishment and every time they try the more it shows there is no excuse for it.

your welcome

Thanks for answering.

No I did not have an experience like that, my parents held the same philosophy that spanking a child is violence. inflicting pain on a child is just that. Its hard enough for a child to live through life without some sort of ridicule and hate, adding a parents hitting a child only adds to the problem than solving there own issues.

Spanking is violence..<br />
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children should have good role models.<br />
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Talking and reasoning, is the best approach, and if you need proof, look at the Childrens' ward at the hospitals..<br />
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Or, ask a nurse, like me, who worked in an emergency room, and saw all the broken children from enraged parents who were also probably handled their past, or present state of life.<br />
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Thank you for your story.<br />

Yes, I say it is love, provided that the parents do it out of love. That love must be transferred to the child - the love MUST be truthful so that the child can experience like that. No anger, no rage etc.!!<br />
Otherwise it is assault, which I condemn 100%!<br />
Some people's ears only open when there is spoken to them a little bid louder. Mostly only once is necessary.

So in other words you are saying that taking your child by the arm putting them over you lap and laying skin on skin is a sign of love and compassion? Oh and by the way, my parents never laid a hand on me growing up. Its easier to listen to a silent whisper than it is with a loud voice with rage

Red.,<br />
Why does it bewilder you?<br />
Did you have any nasty experience in connection with it?<br />
<br />
I understand your hitting concept and can agree with you.<br />
For me the difference is: with, or without love.<br />
Any form of correction done without love is bullying, thus abuse, thus spanking without love is definitely hitting.

no one mentioned about the receiver being violen t, its the act that bewilders me

2doover let me get this streight, you are saying that you don't classify spanking as hitting? If that be the case, if you see a horse crossing a road and it makes it on the other side does that make it a sheep? No matter how you can reason with this idea, hitting is hitting no matter how you rationalize it

I am definitely against violence to a child, but I don't classify spanking (not hitting) as violent.<br />
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Hurting your own flesh and blood? Yes! God did it for us.<br />
We have to do it for our children as well, out of love.<br />
God gave his only begotten Son (Christ) out of love to be crucified for our sins, to save our souls.

Violence begats violence in any form

I've never been spanked and I still grow up as a well mannered and disciplined girl.<br />
I don't think spanking is any sort of tool to discipline children or a solution to any sort of issue. I believe, spanking hampers a child's personality and he may grow into a bundle of psychological issues. I've seen that many people who were spanked in their childhood support spanking and spank their children. A very close friend of mine had a childhood like that and he always told me that he will never spank his kids but now, when he has a kid, he thinks spank is a must thing. He has some sadist tendencies as well, may be a past like that has caused him this. And yes, as you talked about anger issues, he has anger issues.<br />
I believe, actually, people should talk to their children, in a friendly manner, that's how children will be closer to them and will not fear them. Communication is always the best thing for any sort of problem.<br />
You cigarette analogy is really good :)

hitting of any sort is the same as putting a belt to a child, it teachs them that its ok to hit in order to get your point accross. I am not putting anyone down for using cooperate punishment but there has to be a guideline where it states that puinishing a child physically has not shown it will keep them from doing it again, its the same about putting criminals to death for a hanous crime, it has curbed or dropped that sort of crime down.

Well actually i do it once in a while, but it would be just a slap enough to shock rather than hurt or mark the child. A~ little bit of discipline never did anyone any harm, i am totally against violence.

Mummabear, thank you for your comment, I am sure there are alot of people who agreee that children don't need to be reminded that this is what they will be going through in life. Its a hard world out there and there are going to be emotional pains to tend with as it is, why add ful to the flames?

I am happy to read you are well adjusted, but I am willing to bet that you didn't feel that way when you were getting smacked around, infact I am aslo willing to bet you had great fears after that. My point is it is unnessary to hit yournown child to teach them right from wrong

I got a a fair few smacks as a child and i'm not violent. in fact i'm well rounded, have a great job and an even better social and love life. I think there is a line but myself and my 5 brothers and sisters are all college graduates with great lives. Not a hint of anger problems. so I think theres a slight bit of melodrama surrounding the whole subject! obviously there are people who take it a step too far but a slap on the wrist never harmed anyone.

"Its like having a ciggarett in your mouth and telling your teenage kid not to smoke." - best analogy ever.