Relationships

Thankfully, I am Eastern European, and was raised in an Eastern European household, and visited the "Old World" often. However, I HAVE spent the vast majority of my life in the United States - so while I feel blessed that my earliest as well as my most important influences were from my European parents, I know that I have been affected by the modern feminist mentality in the U.S.

I never really much paid attention to feminism when I was still living with my parents. I never felt any discrimination as a female. Both my parents were very supportive and encouraging of my academic achievements and ambitions. I also have a brother. He and I were not treated any differently with things like school, intelligence, ability, etc. However, we were also treated as a girl and as a boy, respectively. It was pretty much taken for granted that men and women are equal in worth, value, intelligence, and what they can bring to relationships, families, friendships, the workplace, and society - BUT that they were still different. Their differences didn't make one better than the other; it simply made them DIFFERENT.

Both men and women have true feelings, will love you if you let them and treat them well, will try to help you in whatever way they can, etc. We are both human, though different. Together, we can work as a team create something that just one party could not (I'm not just talking about children - this applies to businesses, projects, etc. too).

However, in my experience since moving out on my own, American woman tend to hold the opinion that men are disgusting pigs who only want sex and will go to great lengths to have it. This means that since women have vaginas, it is in the best interest of women to use sex as a way to get favors, money, and gifts out of men. Not only that, there seems to be an attitude that men are ALWAYS wrong and women are ALWAYS right; and that, if in doubt, the guy probably did something or is being a jerk on purpose. It never occurs to these American women that --NEWS FLASH-- men and women are different despite what modern feminism would have one believe; therefore, men will react differently to certain things than women will, and will see them differently. Instead of realizing that YES, we are INDEED different, these women then demonize men, and come up with crazy dogmas that outline a whole slew of things that a man must accomplishment before he get in the good graces of a woman.

For example, I recently started dating a wonderful man. I, stupidly, mentioned him to an acquaintance of mine, and she promptly told her mother - who, right off the bat, started asking if he's buying me gifts, adding that "normally guys still want to impress a girl at this point."

WHAT????

Gifts? What?? Sure, gifts would be nice. But they're not expected. I'm not dating a man because I want him to buy me gifts. I am dating a man because I LIKE him. Because spending time with him makes me HAPPY. Gifts are nice, but they're gravy. And I don't want to be drowning in gravy without having the actual steak. It really made me mad, because I resent my relationship being reduced to a consumerist transaction. Also, what I want in any relationship - romantic or platonic - is a real connection, real feeling. I don't want to be impressed. If I'm hiring someone, I want to be impressed. If I'm buying a new car, I want to be impressed. If I'm reading a book, I want to be impressed. But if I'm with a man, I want be happy, interested, understood, fulfilled, loved, cared for. And I can't get that from gifts.

Now, let me say, this woman is quite bitter when it comes to men. Both her and her daughter are overweight, even though they are always on some stupid processed-food fad diet. They both watch the WE network (or something like that, it's some channel for women) and watch shows like million-dollar weddings, trophy wives, etc -- and proceed to derisively ***** at all those "fake-looking *****" and "gold diggers" who "may be pretty - in a slutty sort of way" but at least they must be "really dumb" with "horrible personalities" and their boyfriends/husbands will surely leave them soon for a "younger model."

But they themselves act as if they are God's gift to men, and refuse to give an inch before a man has gone above and beyond and them some to prove his undying love, affection, loyalty, generosity, etc. And in case anyone is wondering, I'm not talking about sex. They refuse to give anything of themselves, they refuse to give any love. They act as if they are the extremely expensive merchandise that one has to spend a fortune on. Which is strange to me, since even I - as a woman - fail to see some exquisite qualities in them.

I know this post is quite harsh towards my fellow woman. But, it's true, and it needs to be said. Now, I am fully aware that men are capable of taking advantage of women and treating them like crap, too. And I do not know which party started this horrible "*** for tat" way of dating and relationships in America. But I DO know that if you choose to be the bigger one and go out of your way to encourage the RIGHT things in a relationship, your partner will likely start to follow your lead.

I, unfortunately, listened too much to older female friends with my other relationships post college, and most of them failed. They told me if a man isn't calling me all the time and buying me stuff, he doesn't care, and I need to make him jealous. Never show your true feelings, they advised, and engage in what amounted to mind games. One even suggested that I sleep with five men at once for at least half a year before getting the one I ACTUALLY like to commit!! You know, to show him I have options and am not overly emotional and needy... and, to prove to him that I can take it (sex) like a man. (Needless to say, I discarded THAT advice as quickly as I heard it). God, what horrible, horrible advice they had. I've decided to go back to my roots and BE A WOMAN, and this is the best relationship I've been in.
An Ep User An EP User
1 Response Jan 19, 2013

That is a very cynical and unpleasant attitude towards your own sex. I'm not surprised you've published it anonymously