Really

I grew up in a home where LOVE was sex and control.
It left me with a tilted view of love
Then in my late teens i married. Thinking i was in LOVE. What i was, was a girl in a house that was torture and her only escape was marriage.
Then i had my daughter and realized what LOVE really was. It is the willingness to give your all to another person without question. To protect them from the world if necessary. But then the question arose... Who loved me?
It was clear that my spouse was more concerned with his own self. And i certianly was not worried about my well being. So how can  you love others when you do not love your own self?
I am on a journey. Learning to care for myself. Trying to take better care of me. Inside and out. Putting the pieces in place so that i am mentally healthy. Emotionally balanced and open to find true love. That love that fills you. Not just parts of you. But the entirety of you. I am learning that no one will take care of me. I must take care of myself. It is not an easy road for someone who has lived in self loathing for so long. But i want to be happy. Not just content with the status quoe.
I want that happiness that swells up from deep inside your soul and bubbles out of your every pore. The happiness that is infectious. That covers over everyone around you. Becaue in that happiness you will find real and true love. It does not require another person, but is made better by sharing it with someone. And i want to share it. To embrace it and feel it infold me in its warm safe comforting tendrils.
I want love.
lunazule lunazule
41-45, F
1 Response Sep 21, 2012

I want to be that person. The one who shares all those wonderful feelings. You are such a kind and loving person its ao easy to love you and YOU DESERVE it as much or more than anyone you know. You melt people with your smile, now let me gwt inside you and melt you as you jave done for me.

you show me every day the depth of your tender heart. You never push, but gently lead. and for that and that alone i am yours