I Don't Know Me

Why am I so afraid? What am I even afraid of? Why haven't I taken more chances in life? Why am I alone? Why was I so shy for so much of my life? Why am I a dreamer, but can't seem to get the doing thing happening? Why am I worried about whether my son will miss me when I'm gone? Why am I so overly sensitive to both the bad and the beautiful around me? Why was I never a good athlete? Why didn't I pursue different goals - ones that were more practical? Why am I not the person I fantasize about being? Why did I allow my fears to blind me to opportunities in my life? Why did I hide from the realities of the road I was traveling until I was too far down the road to turn around?

There is something I'm supposed to be doing. Something that will matter. Something that will make the world a better place. Something beautiful. something wondrous. There is some legacy of creativity I should be building. Something.

But what?

What?

Why?

I'm a nice guy! But nice guys finish... Oh! And why do I resort to cliches?

Why do I love and live in a fantasy world?

I have above average intelligence. I'm fairly creative. I am interested in a huge range of things. Oh, and I'm humble!

Why do I hide behind jokes...

Lots of people with no more going for them than I have are hugely successful. Why not me? Other than being a good father, what have I done? Maybe I wasn't even good at that. Although nothing ever meant more to me...

Maybe that's it. Why is it about me?

Why?

How?

When?

Who?

I guess I'll never know...

I guess I'll never.

I guess I'll...

I guess.

I.

.
Sharpie7 Sharpie7
51-55, M
2 Responses Jan 6, 2013

So many of your questions have been posed by myself to myself. You express the yearning and bewilderment so well. :)
Regards,
Beth

Thank you!

I spent decades of my life asking myself these same questions, until one day, when I least expected it, I started having dreams showing that my life had followed an unconscious plan, and that even missed opportunities were a part of this plan. I believe your feelings of anguish and insatisfaction indicate that there is something big being prepared in the unconscious for you, and when the time comes, something totally unexpected will happen and show you your unique role in the world. If you don't see yourself as being as successful as most people, this only means that you are not a face in a crowd. Special people have special destinies... Wait and see :)

That is a wonderful thought. I have to work on keeping myself open to the possibilities. If you wouldn't mind, could you elaborate a little on your epiphany experience? Thank you for your encouraging words.

You are most welcome, and they are totally sincere :) I´m afraid my story is too long for a post here, but I will be glad to message you if you don´t mind.

I would like to hear too :)

At your convenience. I love it.

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