I Found It

Last night I was pretty down on myself just thinking of my anxiety and thank goodness for a special friend named Takari talking to me. I finally figured out what my purpose in life is.

I was diagnosed with agoraphobia for a REASON! And I'm beginning to see that. I see it clear now. Does it suck and it's a troubling issue, ABSOLUTELY but is this something that will turn into an unexpected journey! - The answer is YES it will.

I'm going to take my own experiences and turn them into what I'm set out to do in this world. I now know that I want to be a motivational speaker and a activist for getting awareness out about this condition.

To go out and talk to those who got bullied, raped, or just going through a hard time. I may have not gone through everything everyone else has but if theres one thing I understand is wanting to give up, struggles, and fighting. Thats something we all go through. If I can break down one wall or help 1 person this condition was worth everything I've ever gone for.

In all honesty I noticed that I wasn't getting better because I chose not too, thats sad because if I'm going to be honest to myself and everyone else I didn't want to get better. This was working for me. I got to do nothing and get away with it. I get to sit around and watch tv and go on the internet and I got to run away from those people who I didn't like or didn't want to see. I was *COMFORTABLE* and thats not waht I want anymore. I'm tired of being content.

I don't want to be that anymore, and in all honesty my friend Ashlee told me that maybe there will be someone or something that helps you want to get out of this situation and I believe it because now that I know what I want to do with my life I can't see any other reason for getting better.

Everyone always tells me to do this for myself but I don't see it that way anymore. Yes I got to live my life and I understand that but what will make my life much better is going out and speaking out about my experiences and making a difference.

If only I had one person who had gone through this before and gone out and found things to make things "less difficult" or those who are going through the same thing would I have gotten better sooner and I'm not blaming it on anyone but imagine what it would be like if I get better, I get awareness out and theres more things accessible to them to help them get better. Like doctors and therapist who do home visit for those who can't leave their house, or for there to be programs online or offline to help them step by step, a hotline, or something that can make a difference so that the next person after me who go through this has it a bit easier then what I did. That would be worth it!

I finally found a reason and I'm so grateful. It's going to be a fight and struggle but this isn't about me. If I'm going to leave this world I'm going out with a huge bang.