To Show People?

I know that at one time or another most everyone feels as if they have helped another person see something they couldn't see themselves or improve their life in the direction they wanted but couldn't quite grasp. That's normal, but this happens to me all the time, especially with guys.

I have found over the past couple years that I am always with guys that are either in an unsatisfying relationship or trying to get over someone who hurt them. I sometimes make out with them or just go out and have a good time. They normally end up having some romantic interest in me (and I never feel the same) so I have to give them a talk about how wonderful they are and how much happier I know they will be with someone who appreciates them and feels the same way they do. I have seen many guys go from being miserable to having hope for the future.

But where does that leave me? After all is said and done I am alone and they are off on their next adventure.

Just last week I had a friend over who lives with his gf. They of course fight all the time and have many problems. We fooled around a little bit and I think he left feeling different about his situation. I think he might reconsider settling for what he has and look for something more. 

Last night I had an old friend come over. He had just broken up with his gf of two years. They have been through a lot, she cheated, he got hurt, and now he's still hurt but we had a good time together. I don't know if he thinks that we are possibly going to become something but either way he doesn't feel the same way about his ex and that's what is important.

I hate to see people who have a negative outlook on life. You must embrace it. No matter what life has thrown at you, you are in control. The only one that can change how you feel is yourself. Now sometimes other people (me) help you see that but really its all you.

So, this brings me back to the guy in texas. When I met him he was on the verge of suicide. We haven't talked much about it but I think it may have something to do with the fact that he and his gf were broken up and not talking. She was the only thing he knew.Then he met me and we immediately fell for eachother. I showed him that he doesn't need to have any negative person in his life. I showed him how great he really is....not that he fully believes me but I know he wants to. He told me many times that he probably wouldn't be here right now if it weren't for me. Then I failed him. I freaked out and walked away. Everything would have been fine if I just stayed but I didn't.

Now, it's not only guys that I affect in this way and it's not always sexual. My friend that I work with at abercrombie is also suicidal. She talks about it when she gets drunk. She carries on about how "messed up" she is and how she will never find anyone to love her. I truly believe she is a wonderful, caring person and that she will find someone who feels the same so I tell her this over and over. I'm not sure if it helps but I think in some way it does. I try at least.

So, back to the purpose of this. I see, time after time, people coming in my life with so much hurt and distress and before long they are happily on their way. I don't know if i am just a middle man or if I really do make a difference, but I'd like to believe I do. There is a reason why all of my ex boyfriends stay friends with me. I truly care about them. I care about a lot of people. I just hope someday I will be able to stop helping everyone and be able to settle down with "the one."

I thought about this last night and I've decided to add a few more examples, to make me feel like less of a *****.

I have a friend who is in the Marines currently stationed in Iraq. I met him shortly before he left so we didn't get a great chance to know eachother but I did find out that he (like so many others) has a gf that he's not happy with. I talked to him many nights about how much better he could do etc. In the process I also became a little interested. So yesterday I get a phone call from him, still in Iraq, we talked for a couple of minutes and he told me he broke up with his girlfriend and he is really excited to see me. He even went so far as to say I will be the first person he sees when he gets back, besides his family of course.

I have another friend that I met online. We started talking on myspace. I found that he went to school with some people I know so that's how we first started a conversation. He is very shy and reserved but extremely intelligent and witty once you get to know him (as so many people are.) He just didn't have a whole lot of self confidence. He wanted a girlfriend badly but couldn't just go out and get one. I used to talk to him on the phone at night trying to walk him through situations and get him more comfortable talking to girls. I would challenge him to step out more and more every day. He now has had a girlfriend for several months and is happier than ever.

Why did I feel compelled to help these people? I don't know. Was it really me that helped them? Not sure either, but what I do like to see is their lives improving and me being along to see the process. :)

FeistyRoadrunner FeistyRoadrunner
18-21, F
2 Responses Aug 7, 2007

I'll try that! Couldn't hurt

That is true. Many of my friends are leeches that come in and out of my life depending on what kind of troubles they are in at that moment. Then when I help they are thankful and say that I am the best friend ever and they love how I am always there for them. <br />
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I guess I never really stopped to think if I wanted to help, I just saw it as something I was supposed to do. I get put in these situations where I am able to do something so I act on it. It really doesn't affect me in a negative way. I am strong enough to see what is going on, what role I play, what the outcome will be and still be ok with it.<br />
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I have always been a people pleaser. Maybe this has something to do with it. If everyone around me isn't happy most of the time I will be going around trying to help. I always feel as if there is something I can fix. When I do help, even if no one thanks me at all, I do feel better. I feel as if I did the right thing and that is all that matters. <br />
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Even in the situations where everything doesn't work out for my friend I realize I did everything in my power to help and it just didn't happen the way I wanted. I am ok with that too.<br />
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I also do have very good friendships with people who like me are helpers. We relate becuase we are always trying to save the world. It's almost like a vacation when I am with them because I know that they don't need my help and we can just relax and enjoy eachother's company. That is nice.