I Can Tell You I Got Lost In Denver... So Why Can't I Tell You Where I Got Lost In Love?

I have loved a man so much that I lost who I was in the process.  I am not sure when that happened, but after the relationship was long over I woke up and realized I was not the person that I was before and quite frankly, I didn't like the person I became.  It took me a while to get back the real me and I love her.  I never want to lose her again, but I don't know where I got lost the last time so it scares me a little.  Does anyone know where we lose ourselves and how we can stop the cycle?

fungirlmmm fungirlmmm
46-50, F
12 Responses Mar 8, 2009

I think that is why there is such confusion because you wake up years later and wonder whom you had become and how.

LOL I fully understand where you are coming from, but we know I am a dayum strong woman. I usually say he is my destiny.

I am a lot more cautious now.

I can totally relate I have los myself in a relationship and didn't even realize it untill much much later so I know how hard it is and what it takes to find yourself again but then still wonder where you went wrong and after thinking about it over and over again I realized that I lost myself when I stopped not only setting but inforcing boundaries+standards. That's when I started to compromise who I am, even though I did love him a whole lot and would have done just about anything for him you still need non-nogotiable boundaries and standards in any realtionship.

I know for me, I lost myself because I was trying to save him, trying to teach him how to love. I forgot to love myself in the process. I invested all my time and energy trying to get him to Love Me, that I forgot who I was. Well, I'm 90% back and I really like me.

I don't have the correct answer either. But I will take a guess as to when,we,as women lost 'ourselves' to men. I honestly think it goes back centuries. Back then women were not allowed to speak until spoken to and we were treated as 2nd class citizens.the interesting part is I believe that all of our technology now and inventions back then, were the ideas of women! The might have been married and told "that is a stupid idea" and then the same ***** past it off as his own great idea! The men were cowards back then and it still happens today! We love our men but we must speak up and say, "I came up with that idea" I am sorry that you feel this way but it is NEVER too late to get it back. Women NEED to stick together and regain our strength

Hmm, those are good questions. I wish I knew the answers. I lost myself in a relationship and then lost the relationship. I think some people are more prone to defining themselves by their relationship. I know I was. But you do not sound like that kind of woman. Because at least you woke up and realized what was wrong and then got your old self back.

I read in the book "The Dance of Anger" that it starts with forgeting to say the words I WANT, I NEED, I DESIRE...THROUGH OUT THE RELATIONSHIP.

Oh..its jst d same story as mine.the 0nly difernce is dat 4 me its nt in past tense.i AM lost in love.n gues wt!i dnt wana find my way bak!n0.nt 4 any mushy gushy reasn.its jst i m so lost dt cnt evn imagne a lyf where m 0n track.i have n0t changed dat much.bt dat puTting myself secnd to him thing...i do that t0o much.i puT him 1st to evthn..evthn in my lyf..bt i dnt fEel its d same way wit him.i knw he truly lvs me n tries realy 4m heart to kip me happy.its jst he z nt dt kinda perSn who gets lost.t0o much realistic.smtym i realy wish he cud do s0me crazY,mad stUf 4 me.

thanks ladies.

I have never lost myself in a relationship, but I have mistreated myself...not this time, though.

Good point and I think you are right Bebe.