I have been married for 20 years. My husband told me when we hooked up that he was unable to have children. At that time (26 years old) I didn't wany children. When I hit 35, all that changed. After 3 failed attempts at artificial insemination, I gave up. I regret not tryig earlier than 35. So now, I need to get over it, yet even at 46 (my birthday is in a week), I still get very depressed and am envious of women my age who have children, of 20 somethings who are pregnant, and I feel inadequate. I need to read that 'magic bullet' that will make me feel better and get me over this self-pity wallowing.
slhh35 slhh35
3 Responses Jul 9, 2010

I am a 32 year old, married for almost 10 years and have no children. It's due to a medical problem that am not able to have a child of my own. I did get pregnant with twins in my second attempt of FET and carried them till the 27th week. Guess I was not destined to have them, so I miscarried them. It's about 8 months since it happened, even today a day does not pass by without remembering them. Now I have registered for adoption. Though I never get envious seeing pregnant women or women with children, I do feel sad about not having one of my own. <br />
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I have gone through all questions and probing from people close and far to me, like "Don't you want to have children at all?", "At least now we know you are not incompetent!", "How do you feel when you see a pregnant women or a child". I wonder how can people be so mean, just because I do not have a child of my own does not mean I will be jealous of people with children. <br />
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Guess nobody with children will understand the pain of not being able to produce one. Our society treats women without children as a bad omen or inauspicious. This trend should change.

thanks for the comment. I work in an elementary school; I have daily contact with children from age 5 through 12. It does help. thanks

No matter what the feminists say, most women, deep down, do want the experience of motherhood. I can understand how,in your situation, you may feel you have missed an opportunity, and have not completed your fulfillment as a woman. I understand how you may look at younger people and ache for what might have been. I hope what I say next will make you feel better. You don't have to be a mother in the strict sense of the word in order to be maternal and nurture children. There are plenty of volunteer opportunites where you can be a maternal figure to children who don't have one. You will get love and respect from these children, and be a part of their development. Knowing you are respected, appreciated, and making a difference may help you stop feeling sorry for yourself.

a feminists is someone who stands up for WOMEN'S RIGHTS. IT HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH WANTING KIDS OR NOT. THE ONLY FEMINISTS THING ABOUT FEMINISTS IS HAVING THE RIGHT TO CHOOSE. Im that feminist, i stand for women's right's and do not want kids,