You're Not Selfish

I have read a lot of stories in this group, and one of the prevailing themes is that women who don't want children have been told that they are "selfish". Well, listen, you're not. Quite the opposite, actually. You're wise.
When you really think about it, there are a lot of women who have children, who are having them for selfish reasons. Some of the most common are: my mom and dad want to be grandparents, I don't want to be left out among all my pregnant friends, I want someone to love me, I want someone to take care of me in my old age, I want a child to accomplish everything in life I have failed to do, I'm bored and I want something to do with my life, I'm 30 years old and my biological clock is ticking, etc. Notice that all of these reasons are all about YOU and what YOU want. The potential child's needs aren't even taken into consideration.
The decision of whether or not to have a child should have very little to do with your needs; it should have everything to do with the child's needs. If you can't or won't be the type of parent a child needs and deserves, then don't have kids.
There are many selfish or bad reasons to have kids; there is only one good reason. Here it is: You and a commited partner (ideally a spouse) have the parenting skills, physical strength, financial means, time, interest, and intent of providing that child with a decent home environment and raising him or her to be a courteous, responsible, productive member of society. If you don't fit that profile, or don't feel you're up to that challenge, then you shouldn't have kids.
Motherhood should not be disparaged or looked down upon (as all these feminist types do). We need women to be GOOD mothers. However, it should not be seen as obligatory or automatic. It takes a lot of blood, sweat, and tears to raise children ( at least if you're doing it even halfway right). It's not for the faint of heart, and should not be taken lightly. It's not for everyone. I think we need to respect both those women who are taking the time, work, effort, and sacrifices, to be good mothers, as well as the ones with enough wisdom and insight to know that motherhood is not right for them.
atpeacewithme atpeacewithme
31-35
Jul 10, 2010